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Original poster

Ex H has now told me ..... advice needed

28 replies

mum2boys3girls · 03/03/2010 21:44

My Ex husband has turned round tonight and told me he won't be able to have ds and dd overnight anymore as he lives in a two bedroom flat and his new son will be going into that room .

In our custody agreement he is mean't to have them weekends when he is home [he works for a formula one team and is away alot]so he will be breeching this agreement ?? Is there anything I can do or as he put it to me I will have to accept it ???? I would be grateful for any advice please

OP posts:
countydurhamlass · 03/03/2010 21:53

is it an agreement or court order (and presuming you are in England). if it is a court order then he is in breach of the Order and you could go back to court to enforce it but its very unlikely this will happen. if its an agreement then not really legally enforceable. You cannot really force him to have contact at all and i am afraid that you will have to accept it. BUT if i was you i would make it clear to him that if this is what he wants then i wouldn't be offering overnight contact again and that he cant demand overnight contact one minute and change his mind the next. contact has to be consistent and chopping and changing all the time is not in the children's best interests.

Original poster
mum2boys3girls · 03/03/2010 22:10

Thank you for your reply ! I am in the UK and it was an agreement not a court order .I just feel so much for my children they hardly see him as it is but I agree with consistency and I will be making it clear to him . Its very confusing especially in our agreement it clearly states he had to provide accomadation for them on his weekends he has them .

OP posts:
CarGirl · 03/03/2010 22:13

Why can't the 3 of them share a room?

Original poster
mum2boys3girls · 03/03/2010 22:22

He made it clear that his new partner does not want them sharing

OP posts:
CarGirl · 03/03/2010 22:30

I guess all you can say to him that he will have to tell his children that he isn't prepared to have them overnight anymore to share the room - it's not your job to do it.

What a horrible situation. Could they stay less frequently and either your ex & partner or them sleep in the lounge? I would write to him and tell him the damage he is doing to them emotionally by pushing them further away from his life.

Original poster
mum2boys3girls · 03/03/2010 22:36

Thanks cargirl I will tell him that he can tell the children . This two bedroom flat is a luxurious flat in London and has plenty of room according to DS who is 13 !

To give you an idea of contact he is having them this weekend and then not agin till 24 April and its from April he will stop overnight visits .

OP posts:
clam · 03/03/2010 22:36

How old are your DCs? And when you say "new" son, do you mean a newborn baby? In which case, surely he'd be in with his parents initially?
Bit at the new partner pushing his kids out like this.

Original poster
mum2boys3girls · 03/03/2010 22:41

my DC are 13 and 8 ! There bedroom is on the third floor of the flat and my DS says its massive but exh made it clear its stopping .......

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Original poster
mum2boys3girls · 03/03/2010 22:41

baby is 7months ....

OP posts:
CarGirl · 03/03/2010 22:48

Could they make the bedroom into 2 rooms????

have you asked your ex "how do you think it makes our dc feel that you see them so little and now you refuse to have them overnight?"

Is there a possibility that your dc will stop bothering to see him?

Original poster
mum2boys3girls · 03/03/2010 22:54

I suggested that and his response was " you will next be asking me to put up new son up for adoption " .There is no reasoning with him its like its my fault

Ds said tonight Holly and I have been relegated He has no idea the impact on them at all . I can see in time them not wanting to go .......

OP posts:
Original poster
mum2boys3girls · 03/03/2010 22:56

Oh and as for seeing them so little his excuse is I have always done this job they know know different

OP posts:
CarGirl · 03/03/2010 23:03

That's what I would put in writing to him - try not to be confrontational and just say I wondered if you realise that ds actual said " " - are you aware of this?

cananybodyhelp · 03/03/2010 23:21

What a fucking bastard.

Cheappinkfizz · 04/03/2010 03:58

What a shit and at new woman for doing this also.
If he gives you £ then is the amount calculated on you not having to support your dc for some weekends each year. If you are now havin them for every weekend then surely he has to pay more. I know it's not the point of your post but the extra weekends will cost you

Original poster
mum2boys3girls · 04/03/2010 08:52

I get maintance through the csa .Is there a minimum of nights they work out your money on ?? I will look into that ........

Didn't sleep much last night , why is it I always feel he wins in every situation....Ds said this moning its pointless him going as he will be spending most time in the car, as we live in the home counties and exh in London.

OP posts:
Sparks · 04/03/2010 11:28

Sounds like ds is getting xh's message

Sassa · 04/03/2010 12:50

I'm afraid there isn't anything you can do about it. If he doesn't want them overnight he cannot be forced to. If the matter went to court, again, the court would not force a parent to have more contact than he wants simply because he may take it out on the children.

Sorry

Harjit

msrisotto · 04/03/2010 12:55

What an utter utter bastard. Do him and his new partner have no feelings? I would write a letter confirming your conversation that he no longer wants to see his own children overnight in favour of his new one, what his son has said in response and that you hope he can live with that and still sleep at night.

coldtits · 04/03/2010 12:57

Useless cunt.

coldtits · 04/03/2010 12:57

Selfish cunting fucking arsewipe. I hope his wife gives him syphilis and leaves him for someone with a bigger cock.

SheikYerbouti · 04/03/2010 13:01

Coldtits has put it better than I ever could. He is a cuntbubble.

LoveBeingAMummy · 04/03/2010 13:05

His new partner needs to think about what sort of man she is with now. God even a blow up in the living room would be ok i'm sure, but tbh why the baby can't just go in with mum and dad once in a while i don't know.

Original poster
mum2boys3girls · 04/03/2010 15:17

Thank you so much for your replys

Even though there is nothing I can do ,I do feel better for letting it out on here and coldtits you made me laugh which is always good !!!

lovebeingamummy I couldn't agree more they have a pull out couch in the living room and I said why can't dd sleep on that and Ds on the blow up which he has several , his response we don't want our living room turned into a campsite

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thumbwitch · 04/03/2010 15:21

sounds like he is a total wankstain waste of space. Your poor DC - how awful for them to realise what a shit their Dad is. I hope he realises at some point in the future, when they have washed their hands of him, what he has lost and fully regrets it.

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