Legals people can I ask a question please re divorce

[Advicewithoutfortune]

I have a solicitor and I don't know what to expect except I seem to be coming off worse than people around me getting divorced.

He earned more than me ,my work fit around the children etc and I became more ill as marriage went on. I still work but it's part time.
He took our two DC as well one who just turned 18 and one who turns 18 in Dec.

I've been offered nothing except a % of house equity. Nothing else he earns over 100 grand and has planned this for a long time .

My question is that when I saw the solicitors barrister they seemed united that this was all I can get.
I can't understand why.

Id like to get a second option but I'm terfied of costs .
Would a barrister have a quick chat to tell me if it's worth pursuing in court ?
Or would a phone call be charged ?

What age do they cease being children one is 18

still in education or training?

A judge will look at what is in the pot, and what the individual needs are. Your children are adults or nearly adults, and they are staying with your ex husband, so you do not need a 3 bed house.

If it is true that you and your husband have equal pensions, that’s why you aren’t getting any of that. You should have seen his Form E and you can check if it’s right.

The starting point for the house is 50/50 but they have offered you more than that, I imagine that’s because you have a lower earning potential than your ex husband.

You should be getting at least half the savings too.

If you are ill and cannot work you should look into what you might be entitled to in terms of PIP and universal credit.

None of this sounds alarming to me, but if you want to seek a second opinion you can. As you know, lawyers are expensive. Settling out of court is by far the best financial play unless there is a vast estate.

Are you close to your sons @Advicewithoutfortune ? Do you actually envisage them staying with you often?

I don't I will get a one bed to be honest around here without a mortgage even a small one.
If it's a flat I won't be able to also pay any expensive ground rents and a mortgage

He's will be paying for his with a much higher salary.

But you’re divorced, so it’s up to him to spend his salary however he likes. It’s completely unconnected to you now.

as a poster said, you would expected to work and claim benefits to support yourself going forward.

the issue is, if there isn’t enough money in the pot you can’t magic up more. You’ve seen the financial disclosure

Once 18 years old they don’t have the same special statutory priority for children BUT their needs are still factored in, they want to be with dad I assume hence they need a bedroom there and at 18 they are old enough to make that choice.

Your younger child with SEN though their needs will be considered strongly even after turning 18.

You seem stuck on the fact he will be able to afford more than you but the reality is that is because he has a higher paying job- you are getting divorced. His salary is his to spend, you get your chunk of equity and then have to support yourself whether that is work, UC, PIP etc. Yes he is going to have a higher standard of living with a higher income, but that is nothing to do with you once you split.

But you can’t expect him to support you for the rest of your life,that’s unreasonable. Your kids re over 18 so no mainly to pay, so you split what you have and go your separate ways and what you then make of life is for yourself- I really wish they taught this stuff in schools and girls might act in their own interests over their marriages.

I echo PP that if your solicitors didn’t think it was a reasonable deal they would be telling you so, they have a responsibility to act in your best interests. You mention ai and people trying to do it themselves and there is absolutely nothing stopping you from doing that reasearch now. What I would say is that ai cannot be trusted, it wants to please you and often makes mistakes so you have to interrogate it very closely, ask if it is being honest and balanced and ask it to confirm it hasn’t made mistakes, then double check everything yourself from the authorities it gives you.

I think you’d be better focusing your energy on building a future, but that’s up to you.

My problem is I dont believe the disclosure and I can't prove it because I can't afford an accountant and I can't really afford any more fees on this with risk as people have said if I'm advised not too.
As
Pp said it's just a form.

Why are you refusing to say what the current proposed split is?

Probably because it’s private. Tbf it doesn’t make any difference to the questions she’s asking

I asked the OP.

You can ask @mumsnet to move this to legal where you will get answers based on law. But you will need to give more details. You can get it moved by using the report post and asking.

If you have reason to believe he is lying on the form then query it. Presumably you know where he has worked and for how long?

Did you have any financial oversight in your marriage? Do you know what type of pensions he has had and what % they were?

Or start a new thread in Legal Matters, @Advicewithoutfortune . But you’d need to give more information about assets and the proposed split.

@SoVeryVeryBored

Yes I agree but we see on here get married get married!
Get protection and all I may leave with is a small portion of an asset I've joint owned and paid into.
My mistake here was letting him take financial control over the years and making poor descions
Whilst I believe taking money for himself to either gamble or save for himself secretly.

It's a hard age for my son's they are teens, when we all lived together they were in their rooms a lot like most teens but I saw them for meals and day to day stuff.
Since they have been with him full time they have become very disrespectful towards me the younger one esp and it's been really hard because I can't just see him he has to want to come to see me.
That's asking a teen boy to leave his room and see mum for longer than seeing her make his breakfast etc .
The older one has been a bit better but he had started to spend more time with his gf anyway and spends even more time there now.
I got on well with his gf before and she's been really nice now I think she's helped I know she feels really sorry for me.
But even he has said some rude things which sound like my ex.
He has set a terrible example to our boys.
One of the births left me slightly physicslly didabled which impacted my then job.
I'm feeling very sorry for myself I've been such a mug
I just trusted him with him money.
Thought we would be together for ever.

Hi OP. I’m not a solicitor but I am divorced.

get a second opinion in the first instance, use the free consultation and explain everything in detail by email before you attend so you are only clarifying. They won’t be able to give you formal advice, but they will give you an idea.

i can recommend someone if it helps. (Not sure if it’s allowed though if wise mumsnet there can confirm - don’t want to break the rules)

im sorry to say but divorce is 9/10 awful. My ex h dragged it out for four years. As some have said, the quicker you get this done the better. The only person that ‘wins’ is a huge legal bill.

but you aren’t going to change it, the best you can do is get armed with likelihood and move forward.

Do you have a local gov/teachers/NHS pension and does he have a private pension? That may account for a discrepancy.

Often teacher/gov/nhs pensions (especially if part is in an older scheme) are often worth far more than a private pension.

Do you understand both of your pension schemes?

Presumably what you have paid the solicitor for is to communicate with STBXH's solicitor, swap financial disclosures, make arrangements for the DC possibly? The outcome of it is that they've told you what they think you can expect as a settlement. It's a lump sum and I would think allows for any adjustment in differences between other assets, e.g. Cash in bank, cars, pensions. They should have explained this to you, though. Do you know what % of the total marital assets they're thinking you are entitled to?

If you don't want to share details on here, no one can say if it sounds about right or not.

If you think he's lying in his disclosure, you must have an idea of what money/assets he has somewhere that he hasn't disclosed? E.g. a statement you have seen? If not, and it's just a general sense that he must have more somewhere, you can't take this anywhere and it may well not be any more than an impression you had.

Your main issue seems to be that he will end up with a bigger house/better lifestyle than you, which will be the case because he earns more. He doesn't have to keep you "in the manner to which" etc.

Your question was can you ask someone else for free. Well yes you can ask a different solicitor for a free initial consultation, but you'd get a better service if you asked for a review, sent all the info to the 2nd solicitor and got their opinion (which might cost you another £500 or so).

No one here can tell you if its a fair settlement without the numbers.

Divorce is awful and im sorry you are going through it.

Ultimately with an adult child and a nearly adult child who live with him, you are not going to be able to persuade a Judge that you require a 3 bed home.

In broad terms the starting point is 50/50 which some adjustment to reflect the overall circumstances.

You day disclosure was just a form. There are meant to be documents which back it up. 12 months of bank statements, pension cetv official document etc.

Have you seen any of those?

What equity is in the house? What are you being offered? What pension do you have? Does he or you have any savings?

Without these things no one can tell you its a fair offer. Paying lawyers isnt to get a better result its to give advice on what is likely.

If you dont like the offer then dont accept it. You can issue proceedings without a lawyer and you lt ex will need to prove his financial position to the court but if youre chasing something which isnt possible then you wont win.

For example. If there is 300k equity in the house and you want 300k you wont get it. He needs a deposit as do you.

If there is 300k and hes offering 100 you may get more. But no one here can tell you that without details and your lawyers are best placed for the details.

Presumably, OP, you have seen the financial disclosure, and have done questionnaires to clarify what has been disclosed. If not, why not?

You can't agree a settlement when you believe assets have not been disclosed.

So don't agree one.

Go to court, tell the judge that the disclosure is incomplete, ask for the information you believe is missing. And then a judge can make a decision based on the facts.

If you do have full financial disclosure, instruct a solicitor to review both forms and all accompanying paperwork, to determine if the offer you have been given is reasonable in the circumstances.

Depending on the paperwork involved, it may cost £2-3k, maybe more. But if you are looking at a missing pension, that could involve hundreds of thousands, so the cost to double check is worthwhile.

solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk

It looks like he has made bad investments or gambles away about 70 grand of savings.
The reason he was able to continue in his higher paying role was my lower paying role and heavy childcare lifting

I thought we were a team .
And I now I am being left high and dry.

Or he has hidden that money. He's been planning this for a while and he's tighter than a ducks arse so this is why I'm finding it hard to believe.
My older son spends his time with his gf but still comes around but sleepers with him .
The younger i believe just went for an easy life doesn't care where he is but now he's all set up there it's easier for him to game in his room and unlike mum.,dad leaves him to it.
This wasn't discussed with me there was no calm discussion he just went .