Contact centre stopped visitation session

[MyFluentShaker]

What it means when contact centre has stopped contact mid way through session and is recommending that the lawyers are to be told that no further visits should go ahead
5 replies
MyFluentShaker · Today 16:57
This has just happened today so I don’t have all of the information. I was asked to come in and collect my child about 35-40 minutes into the hour long contact visit. They couldn’t say much as my child’s dad was in the other room but when I was walked out to my car she just said this isn’t going to work. We need a plan B, I'm going to contact the lawyers. That my son’s dad made zero effort and couldn’t keep my child safe.
is it likely that contact will be stopped from here? Will the judge order that he still has to attend even if the contact centre have said it’s not suitable? This is only the second visit. So in total he has spent about 1 hour and 40 minutes with my son in the past fortnight.

So ime something pretty serious happened which potentially put your son in danger (may have been emotional, not physical). His dad may have also turned up under the influence of something? How old is your son and why is contact in a contact centre? A judge is very unlikely to go against recommendations

Are social work involved? I’d think you have a right to know what happened so you can beat support your son.

My son is 4 and a half years old. 4y5mo of being specific. A court ordered supervised contact for 1hr every second Saturday starting 17th jan. I was told the first visit went “okay” not much interaction but is to be expected. He is meeting a fully fledged young person for the first time it may be never wracking. This is our second visit. I tried to include “making one for someone else” or “making one for daddy” when doing our daily crafts and activities. He hasn’t wanted to but today agreed one of our paintings could be given to (***) at visits.
he won’t call him daddy. He knows his name and likes to use that even though I only refer to him at home as daddy. He sometimes calls me by my name too. It’s not a big deal but I do encourage dad or daddy at home.
he was dysregulated (autism &adhd) and it obviously posed so much of a risk that the contact centre asked me to come immediately and said they would be contacting lawyers and no further contact. No harm was caused to my child physically but it is evident there was enough of an emotional detriment that I was called in to remove him early.

im just not sure what this means in regards to our current court case. Will a judge force my son to attend and be unsafe or will they listen to safeguarding concerns from a trained individual at the court appointed contact centre

If a contact centre refuses to facilitate contact because it is detrimental, then it seems unlikely that a court would order it. Partly because it would be impractical to find an alternative that would enable safe contact.

all I want is my son to be safe and supported. My worry is that a judge may prioritise the father’s wants over our child’s needs. I am having a lot of health issues related to contact which I do my best not to show to my child. He is unaware that I’ve gone multiple nights and days without sleeping or eating as he gets woken up and interacted with the same as he does every day. I have encouraged visitations amd when we are painting, baking, making slime, doing experiments etc i aski do you think daddy would like one or should we make one for dad. I only ask once amd dont push it as he becomes easily frustrated and distracted. Today I let him look through some old paintings and he reluctantly agreed to give his dad one.
as previously stated contact was cut short and they let me know it wasn’t safe for my chimd to continue contact and they would be reaching out to layers.

my worry is, in spite of this, they may continue to force my son to continue contact. Will he have to attend the scheduled visits

Sorry for the typing errors. It was a rushed reply. My son is awake again and unsettled. I’ll reply again tomorrow if I have time

Didn’t they explain what was unsafe about the situation? Presumably you asked?
Whose lawyers are they reaching out to?

The contact centre will be contacting lawyers? Who's lawyers? They must tell you what happened!

I think it’s important that you ask for a report on today’s events?

We were limited in our discussions. I had to safely remove my overstimulated child. He has additional support needs and as soon as we were out of the building they said
“this isn’t safe. we need to go to plan B. He hasn’t interacted at all. He cannot keep him safe. Showed no emotion. He did nothing. We had to step in where we aren’t supposed to. He cannot keep him safe” they kept saying he did absolutely nothing even when encouraged by staff and prompted with advice I had given before my child’s first visit
Not going to create an uncomfortable environment for my child. Dont gaf what I think or feel. He comes fist so I gave a list of triggers, like and dislikes, ways to regulate. Topics that may get a response etc. it’s about the child not about the parents.
apparently my son was so overwhelmed and there was zero response or input to a concerning level that it was deemed unsafe for my son and contact has to be stopped.
It was trying and no success.
it was complete apathy to the point they were afraid for everyone’s safety

You definitely need this in writing from the contact centre staff. If you don’t email them confirming what they told you today

But which lawyers are they talking about contacting? That makes no sense.

Our lawyers. Meaning both mine as the mothers and his as the fathers. A court order was made for supervised contact to take place. The centre deemed it unsuitable for it to continue meaning both mum amd dad’s lawyers would be contacted to say essentially “ this isn’t working. Let’s come up with a new plan”

Ask them to write a report

If it’s not in writing, it didn’t happen. It’ll surprise you the amount of times that staff will change or they will change their story.

get it documented asap

Ok, well they need to provide you with a statement that you can share with your lawyers if that's what they mean.

I hate this website for chucking these diagnosis around, but actually, could dad be?

Thank you, I have emailed staff after being contacted by them. They keep a thorough documentation of any interactions. This is only the second time meeting my Child which is why it was deemed unsafe for him to continue.
the contact centre reached out to me and asked that I collect my son as he was not safe and they would not allow any further visitations.
i had no input.
I was not involved aside from handing him off to staff members and leaving the premises.
after dropping him off, I left the grounds and went to the local shops as a way to pass time and fit in tasks I wouldn’t be able to do with my son there.
i don’t want my son not to have a dad.
i want him to have whoever loves him to be present.
its a complicated situation but I won’t show my son any hostility or animosity toward his daddy. He knows he has one. He has saw him and I try to encourage my child to include him in our activities but if he doesn’t want to I want force him.
it is what it is. If I can make it better and be better i will but he has a part to
play too

You’ve said several times that your son was “not safe”, op. How unsafe could he actually have been in a contact centre with staff literally facilitating the meeting? Did they admit they were unable to keep him safe (from what?)?
It also sounds incredibly presumptuous for them to announce they’ll be contacting both sets of lawyers, how do they even know who they are?
All very odd.

to the point they were afraid for everyone’s safety

I was not there. I left my son at 12.15pm as agreed. I waited in the parking space for about 8 minutes then left for the shop about 4-5 minutes away including traffic. I was advised to not “wait around” after the first visit went “okay”.
i spent abot 20 minutes between Two shops. Tlmaxx and home bargains. Then I headed back. Thought i would stand and smoke a cigarette and have a drink of water before I headed in. I was phoned and asked to come in immediately. They wouldn’t say much in the room as the other parent was next door in a waiting room but walking towards the car they said they needed to go to “plan B” and that it wasn’t going to work. That my child would not be safe and that they needed to contact lawyers to recommend that this wasn’t safe or suitable going forward.

I’m sorry that you and your son are going through this. 💐 Why hasn’t his father had any contact with him until now? Was he not interested? It seems crazy that he’s waited until his son is 4 instead of getting to know him sooner.

Contact centres have to write a report after every visit. It isn’t something you would have to specifically request, it can be used in evidence (I used to do this). Safety of your child is paramount so I cannot see any situation where a judge would insist on contact if the contact centre says it is unsafe but you do get the occasional batshit decision.

I think this might be a case of a SEN parent forgetting that non-sen parents have very different experiences, so can't fill in the gaps as well as someone with sen experience would. (I do it as well when i talk about my dc)

I read it as the child was disregulated and engaging in unsafe behaviour, that a carer would need to prevent, re-direct or co-regulate (things like hitting self / climbing / running at walls / eating non-food). As a parent-carer the op probably stops this type of behaviour on a daily basis, but the child's farther did no step in to meet the care needs.

Contact supervision doesn't usually involve care, they are just there to watch the parent meeting the care needs. If the farther didn't act to meet the care needs and keep the child safe, the staff would have to step in, which they seem to have, but them proving care is against their policy so they want to avoid the situation repeating.

I would have thought it would go back to caught, as the current order cannot be safely followed. Perhaps you could request the other parent attend some SEN parenting causes alongside indirect contact (letters or vidio calls), with a view to re-establish face to face supervised contact once the other parent has the skills to meet the child's needs.

As they haven't bothered with their child in 4.5 years, and don't seem to have put much effort into contact, I imagine they won't actually do the courses. The novelty of parenting will probably wear off once it's no longer a way to control you (you haven't slept in three days, have to keep days free & wait outside contact centre, deal with a disregulated child before and after & mention them regularly to 'suport the relationship')

He was probably drunk