STBXH won’t sell the house. AIBU to ask what can be done

[needtosellmyhouse]

I split from my STBXH last August after discovering infidelity which was the final straw after controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour from him for months.

He refused to leave the house upon separation and due to how he was acting I felt uncomfortable and intimidated so couldn’t stay, therefore myself and toddler DC packed up all our belongings and have lived with my parents ever since- thankfully they have the space and are extremely supportive.

We jointly own the house together, neither can afford it independently so we put it on the market and accepted an offer within a week in November. We haven’t even instructed the conveyancing team yet as he has been dragging his feet every step along the way, ‘losing’ forms, ignoring emails and calls from the estate agent and solicitors and taking the maximum time to respond. The latest is that he will not sign the forms from the solicitors so they cannot produce the draft contracts until they have his consent as well as mine. Luckily we have what seem to be very patient first time buyers but I am quite sure they are going to get bored of waiting soon. What can I do, if anything? I’m stuck currently subsidising him living there as I am paying half the mortgage, which is an expense I don’t need, especially as I am working part time to care for DC. I believe that him obstructing is just another attempt to control me unfortunately, but in the long run it is disadvantaging everyone, him, me and DC. I’m so frightened the sale will fall through. His head seems firmly in the sand.

I’m trying to avoid any further legal costs because the equity is already going to be next to none, not sure if ex realises this. I put most of the deposit in, my parents paid for a couple of home renovations yet we will be losing cash thanks to the cost of moving so soon after we bought it. At this point I would happily walk away with 0 though just to sever the legal ties to him.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and what, if anything, can be done?

(Name changed due to the nature of the post being outing!)

If he doesn't want to sell he will have to buy you out for the divorce settlement. Until then I'm not sure what you can do.

If you think there is zero equity I suppose you could gift him your half of the house take your name off the mortgage, move out and leave him to figure it out, but that is a bit drastic and you would definitely want it done using a lawyer.

From my basic understanding there is nothing you can do at this point. it would either need to be agreement or part of the divorce, so sorry you are in this difficult position. Maybe ask for this post to be moved to Legal as they may have better advice....Good luck and well done for getting out, i know how hard it is xx

Thank you so much! And thanks @BadgernTheGarden too, I appreciate it

It was such a short marriage there won’t really be anything to divide up. Divorce should be finalised in the spring I think. I’ll ask for it to be moved, that’s a shout

I think you can go to court to get sole control of the house sale but obviously take legal advice first.

Won’t that take time in itself though?

Yes. But if you started that process now, in four weeks time you’d have four weeks less to wait. Or let him continue to play silly buggers and in four weeks you’ll have still got nowhere and the court process wont even have started.

That’s very true. I’ll look into it this afternoon, really feels like being stuck in a bad dream

It just feels like lose lose as instructing a solicitor will cost when losing money anyway from the sale

Agree with a PP that if there is no equity, you are probably best trying to offload the house and mortgage onto him and washing your hands of it, rather than forcing him to sell (which will indeed take forever).

I’d talk to your lawyer about how best to do that as part of the financial settlement though, you don’t want to lose out on pension etc.

Idk if this can even happen as he can’t afford the mortgage on his own, he’s got no savings and income alone wouldny qualify him 😩

It can’t - you can’t just walk away from the mortgage without the bank consenting, and the bank won’t consent if he can’t afford it alone.

So really just stuck then? :(

If it was me, as well as perusing the legal route to get sole authority to sell, I'd start getting nasty like he is.

Move back in. Stay there random nights. Cook and leave the mess. Leave stuff in the way. Make life uncomfortable for him.

Can I suggest you repost this in the legal section? There might be someone there who can help.

What would happen if you stopped paying?

I’ll look at that route. I can’t easily go back there as I don’t feel safe there. I’ve been going when he’s at work to collect mail etc but other than that not using the property at all. Last time I went there he had sold DC furniture from their old room and there was another woman’s stuff there so it just wouldn’t be right for me to go back for any length of time.

I think I'd be bloody minded and not pay my share of the mortgage this month. He'd then realise he couldn't afford it and maybe sign the papers! I do realise that is not an ideal solution and is risky.

The fact you are so far along in the process is a good sign, I thought you'd be saying he won't allow viewings or something! Maybe he's just on a go slow because it is all really happening and he doesn't know where he is going to live after sale? That isn't for you to fix of course but maybe dropping some rental flyers in might help focus his mind?!

Idk? He’d have to cover it I guess or we both fall into arrears as we are both legally responsible for the mortgage. However the payment is due on the 1st of every month via direct debit and the lender told me we actually have until the end of each calendar month to make the payment before it is classed as missed payment. He can’t afford the entire mortgage, utility bills, his own loans and CMS.

I’ve asked for it to be moved, thank you.

Thank you. He has dragged his feet at every step along the way. I am really considering not paying my half but in the long run don’t want it to affect my credit, which it will if he doesn’t pay, and he can’t afford the mortgage and CMS, it’s hard. I suppose that’s his issue though and would give him the impetus to sell and any child maintenance arrears are his to sort aren’t they

You will need to get a financial order from the court as part of your divorce anyway so lawyer up now. Explain to him if he refuses to sell on a voluntarily basis then you will go to court and he will usually be ordered to sign. Tell him if you do have to go that route you will be asking the court to make an order for costs in your favour (which they will do and means that they will be deducted from his share of the proceeds). Be aware though the costs order never covers all costs but it may be enough for him to make him sign without being such a dick about things. Please do speak to a divorce lawyer if you haven't got one. They can write to explain to him the consequences of continued refusal.

When I sold the family home I had to do ALL the leg work, every viewing, coordinating every signature, every response to solicitors, EVERYTHING. Is it possible for you to take over some of the running around? I remember having to make a nuisance of myself to get him to sign a bit of paper, he was annoyed but it got to the point that I wouldn't leave until I got it and he wanted his money from the house.

Unfortunately you cannot just take your name off a mortgage as you are both jointly liable. A TR1 would eventually need to be completed to transfer ownership, and this would be on the basis that a lender would offer him a sole applicant mortgage for the remaining debt.

However, in my previous experience (of buying a property from a divorced couple) our solicitor was on the verge of referring the issue to court based on 'obstruction', as he was doing all the things you listed to prolong the sale, but as the sale was court ordered as part of the divorce terms, his compliance was basically legally enforceable. Luckily it didn't come to that, but depending on where you are with your divorce you (or your buyers?) might have leverage?

Yeah I am already :( the issue is they need him to sign and agree to stuff, and he just won’t. The estate agent seems to be tearing her hair out

Interesting, I didn’t know this, thank you. The divorce will be finalised around April time