Hi all. All of the below has taken place in England, just for legal framework reference.
This is a highly emotional situation for me and my family, so I'll try not to ramble and be as concise as possible.
My Uncle died suddenly and unexpectedly in May 2020 at the age of 46 years old. He did not have a will when he died. He had a living father, two children (one adult, one aged 9), and a sister at the time of his death (sister is my mum). He also had a partner, who didn't live with him, but had moved in whilst lockdown was happening. In non-lockdown situations they lived seperately.
He had been with his partner for 2-3 years. They weren't married and didn't have kids together. We as a family didn't know her very well, as she lived far away, so we only saw her at family gatherings etc.
When my Uncle died, we were all understandably devastated and hugely shocked. My Uncle's partner sort of 'took over' the admin side of things re:- the funeral/organising things with his workplace etc. At the time it felt like it was incredibly helpful, and she was being really kind, but we now know this not to be the case. We as a family decided how the funeral would run and all the readings/songs etc, but she did the admin stuff with the funeral directors. It was paid for via a gofundme which had been set up by his colleagues at work for the family, however the money was ultimately given to her as she was co-ordinating all the admin stuff. We do now realise this was a huge mistake.
My Uncle ended up being buried (which his partner was insistent he wanted). A few months after the funeral my mum and grandad wanted to put a headstone on his grave. We find out that partner is the holder of the exclusive burial rights to my Uncles grave, meaning we can't do anything without her say so. We had no understanding of how this worked, and to be honest hadn't even thought about grave ownership etc as we were all so blindsided and trusted that partner was handling things properly and was involving us in all decisions.
We ask partner how this happened, and she said because she organised the funeral it was signed over to her. We ask her for her to transfer ownership to my mum/grandad. She refuses, instead stating that we should all work together to design his headstone etc. We initially agree, but she never responds to our requests to sort it out.
My Grandad then became unwell and died in May 2022. At this point partner was completely ignoring all requests to transfer ownership over, ignoring all messages from our family regarding the grave etc.
My Grandad left clear and express wishes that his and my Grandma's ashes be buried with their son. We have been unable to do that as partner completely ignores all of our messages and we can't bury them there without her approval.
We are over 5 years down the line and my Uncle's grave is bare. No headstone, only tended to by my parents and me/my siblings. My grandma and grandad's ashes are not with their son. This woman is doing nothing with this grave and will not respond to any form of contact. My parents have even offered her money to sign the plot over to them. She's completely ignoring us. We don't even know where's she living at this point.
My mum is absolutely devastated. It's taking a huge toll on her mental health and we don't know what to do next. She seems determined to own it but is doing absolutely nothing with it. It's so painful to see my Uncle's grave like this and not be able to put my grandparents with their son.
Basically - Is there a legal process we could follow to acquire the rights to this grave site back into our family? Would it end up costing loads of money with little chance of a good outcome?
Thank you in advance for any replies or advice.