Moving in with DP and DC

[termerz]

Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice on my new housing situation.

Backstory: DP and I are very happy, have 3 young DC together. We lived in my hometown and my house for a few years. I owned this outright, and he contributed to bills as and when.

We have now moved into a home that has been bought outright by him and his parents helped. He is from a very wealthy family, and is super generous and pays for the vast majority of daily living expenses etc. I work and earn approx £65k but he is partner level and out earns be my a mile, is also asset rich. I don't know if it's relevant but he will also receive a huge inheritance.

Now my issue - I have sold my house and am going to use the money from that sale to pay off a large loan he borrowed from his parents. This will in part be my contribution to the family home as he will also put my name on the deeds of the new house.

In theory, I am hugely lucky and massively benefitting from this, the new house is worth far more than the loan I am paying off for him. However, surely it would be reckless of me to just send his family my life savings, with nothing legally agreed?! His family are trying to reassure me it's all fine, if my name is on the deeds I'd get half if we were to split (which we're not we're very happy but I need to be smart!) but I know it's not that simple if things got messy. He is almost offended I want something official to outline this agreement, just a record of the loan being paid off by me would suffice, but Im not sure what that looks like.

We are planning on getting married one day however my situation needs a more immediate solution. Can anyone advise here, or point me in the direction of who I need to talk to. Is it just a general solicitor or do they specialise in property law..or something?

Thank you!!

They should really give you a receipt. I would not give my lifetime savings over without somekind of offical documentation.

He should put your name on the deeds first, with an explicit agreement about how the equity in the house is split. After that, you can pay off his loan.

and yes, you should talk to a lawyer.

what is delaying you from getting married? if the plan is to marry, do the legal marriage asap because that is your strongest protection.

Easiest thing would be to book the registry office for soonest possible date and get it done.

Or perhaps agree to pay this loan off one year after you have moved in to house together.

If he well off etc why the big loan? He can pay it back over time or on lieu of his future inheritance
Was loan before you met or after?

Invest your money in your name
Keep.in your name while unmarried

Maybe a token eg 10 or 20k towards the house and get your name on the deeds in a %

But keep your assets separate. And accessible.
House us bought. His agreement with his family loan is nothing to do with you since you unmarried.
And as high earner he can pay them back over time

And do not rely on his family word. Legal agreement with solicitor .

be reckless of me to just send his family my life savings, with nothing legally agreed

Yes
Very
Do not do this

There is not a hope in Hell I would be giving my money away like this.

Definitely not a good idea to do this.

The loan was his, it is his to clear. Either invest your money (maybe a buy-to-let house/flat) or invest it / save it, but do not in any way hand it over without some legal documentation.

Cynically if you got married you would gain joint ownership of the house in any future divorce. That takes account of the three children and co habitating period before marriage. Although at the same time he would be entitled to a share of your savings.

Also Cynically his parents have put their money into the family home and know you will get a share in any divorce. They want that money back so it isn’t a marital asset anymore. I expect the loan would have been a gift had you not talked about marrying.

As partnership you should have bought a house that suited your finances with equal or equitable contributions. But what is done is done. Still I would be minded to not get involved with his parents and the loan they made to him. Give him the money for a share in the home and get it sorted legally. He can then repay his debt to them.

Thanks for all the responses.

Naively I hadn't considered marriage being the easiest solution but I will think more seriously about that now!

To answer some q's, he is well off but his parents want the loan back because they will have multiple beneficiaries of their inheritance and this will help make it fairer. Whenever they lend family money they always want it paid back, or at least used on their terms. They are very generous but very weird about money so I almost just want a clean slate.

For everyone telling me to not pay off the loan - why would I not do this when I can? If we don't use my money to pay off the loan, we would need to get an actual loan to pay them back which leaves me in a worse position paying interest on it. I would be part of paying it off as all our earnings go into a pot. And if I was to invest it in my name it would still become part of the pot when we get married.

Maybe as some of you have said, the smartest thing to do is to just leave it until we're married?!

Once you see the title register to the house with your name on it as joint tenants and no charges registered then I'd say you can safely pay the money. Until then, no!

Just get married now rather than later OP. You are making exactly the same kinds of commitments as a married couple would. You have 3 children, and a substantial property.
You need to speak to a solicitor and make a will as well as take advice on property ownership. A solicitor will also take you through the scenarios about how the DC will be looked after if either you or DP die. The ages of the dc at that future point might also affect the advice. Provision for a 6 y.o. will be different to a teen about to leave school.

You need a solicitor to manage this as you are effectively buying a percentage of the house. The muddy area is that the money is going to the parents not the house owner. This is a messy situation that needs a robust legal agreement in place. Do not be fobbed off by anyone.

You need legal advice before you do anything, but I think if you are going to hand over a large sum of money, surely it should go to HIM to be added to the deeds (which is in his name), he can then pay off his parents with the money.

You paying them directly seems totally bonkers and weird, who even suggested that?

Do not do this until the deeds have been legally changed or you are married, if there is any 'don't you trust me?' type bullshit then back out of it completely.

It all sounds sus to be honest.

I assume you pick up the childcare etc while he works long hours feathering his nest?

either get married or make sure you are joint tenants on the house.

and make sure you’re not compromising your career because ‘he earns more’

Rich people stay rich because they pull shit like this. Protect yourself

Either this, or he can pay his parents loan back by monthly direct debit. No two ways about it

People are worried that you will at the loan off before you are added to the deeds of the house and then you are never added to the deeds.

They are correct. That should happen first.

Also just get married asap. There are a lot of other benefits to marriage just as avoiding inheritance tax on death and pension sharing if you split. You’ve clearly been together a while if you have 3 kids and their protection should be your priority. Get married. Have a big do later if that’s what you want. But get married now

There was a thread about a year ago something similar .. op put the sale of her house money into her DP’s house with the agreement she would then go on the deeds .. you guessed it after robbing her off for months he refused and also the proposed marriage never happened .. she was well and truely screwed .. they had kids too and had been together years. Deeds first , then the money .. you really need an iron clad agreement before even considering it

Why would you not put your money into the house instead of his parents paying in then it's clear you are a part owner.

What happens if you pay his parents then the mortgage company won't lend if your name is on the deeds as, in their eyes, you haven't paid into it?

Spend some of your money on legal advice just for you.

This is not your family tho.
You have no legal relationship to them or to your dp.
His family his problem he can pay off loan over time

Unless you get your legal part of the house first

I agree with others, your money needs to go towards the house. Why did his parents help with the purchase instead of you? If you contribute to the house purchase, surely he can then repay the loan to his parents?

Definitely get legal advice, something smells wrong to me about this, I think you could be in a bad position if you ever split up.

You should definitely get your name on the deeds first. Getting married is generally a good option but just be careful as people with a lot of wealth tend to use trusts so unless a will is made you’re not always entitled to what you may think even if married. I’m not sure to what extent your DP and family are wealthy but tread carefully OP. Sounds like a substantial loan (which I can’t understand given his income and assets) You have to consult a solicitor even if DP is offended.

🤦‍♀️

One born every minute - why did you allow him to live in your house without contributing? Just checking you a few quid here and there.
And now you want to give all the money from the sale of your house to his parents? Are you able to discuss your plans with a friend or family member? Sounds like you need safeguarding support.

His family are trying to reassure me it's all fine, if my name is on the deeds I'd get half if we were to split (which we're not we're very happy but I need to be smart!) but I know it's not that simple if things got messy

They are correct. If you are unmarried and jointly own the house, you will get half of it unless you own it as tenants in common and execute a Declaration of Trust specifying a different split. It remains that simple no matter how messy it gets.

If the house was owned by just one of you, the non-owner could establish a beneficial interest entitling them to a share of the house. However, if it is owned jointly, it is impossible for one of the joint owners to reduce the share held by the other.