Moving in with DP and DC

[termerz]

Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice on my new housing situation.

Backstory: DP and I are very happy, have 3 young DC together. We lived in my hometown and my house for a few years. I owned this outright, and he contributed to bills as and when.

We have now moved into a home that has been bought outright by him and his parents helped. He is from a very wealthy family, and is super generous and pays for the vast majority of daily living expenses etc. I work and earn approx £65k but he is partner level and out earns be my a mile, is also asset rich. I don't know if it's relevant but he will also receive a huge inheritance.

Now my issue - I have sold my house and am going to use the money from that sale to pay off a large loan he borrowed from his parents. This will in part be my contribution to the family home as he will also put my name on the deeds of the new house.

In theory, I am hugely lucky and massively benefitting from this, the new house is worth far more than the loan I am paying off for him. However, surely it would be reckless of me to just send his family my life savings, with nothing legally agreed?! His family are trying to reassure me it's all fine, if my name is on the deeds I'd get half if we were to split (which we're not we're very happy but I need to be smart!) but I know it's not that simple if things got messy. He is almost offended I want something official to outline this agreement, just a record of the loan being paid off by me would suffice, but Im not sure what that looks like.

We are planning on getting married one day however my situation needs a more immediate solution. Can anyone advise here, or point me in the direction of who I need to talk to. Is it just a general solicitor or do they specialise in property law..or something?

Thank you!!

To clarify why I didn't put money into the house purchase, the house was purchased a few months after we first met so obviously we weren't discussing it then, it has since been a very long renovation project. We have 3 young children under 3, 2 are twins.

Its a crude way to put it but there really is nothing dodgy going on, whilst the money is my life savings, to his family it’s small fry, which I think is why they are blasé about it.

When we lived in my house I paid the mortgage and bills, because the payments were low and I could afford to. He paid for every single other thing, including all childcare, things for children, food, luxury holidays, 2 new cars etc. If it’s relevant - to highlight why I feel I should contribute what I can, my house was worth approx £200k, the new house is worth over £2million. He has no expectation on me contributing to the new house in terms of bills etc, and will continue to cover most other things.

I absolutely won’t be sending any money without my name on the deeds, that is already in motion. This thread has made me realise how desperately I need to speak to a solicitor though - thank you all, I appreciate all the advice.

xx

🤔 you need to be a bit careful here as adding a name to the deeds in exchange for money would trigger stamp duty - you want to make sure these are two separate transactions not money in exchange for a share of the house.

I'd get some advice from a conveyancer.

Hw bought a house worth 2 million with loan from his parents just after he met you.
Now you are supposed to pay back his loan?
Which is exactly the equity you got from your house?
Why?
What pensions and savings are in your name ?

Get married first. He dies tomorrow you get nothing

I’m thinking a more legal document so if things go pear shaped you can expect that money back from DP

You aren’t paying off his loan, you are buying your shared interest in the house. That should be handled legally and directly. Your money can then be used to pay off the loan.

I personally would want to own half of any home I agreed to live in with shared children and don’t think you need to pay anything explicitly to deserve it. He earns while you take time out of work to have his children. The house should be purchased by the two of you in the first place.

Do not do this.
Get your name on the title deeds before.
Get married, make a joint will.
Do not give your life savings away like this.. .

The stamp duty warning is VERY important downthread. A lovely little thing the government dreamt up where you can owe Stamp Duty on a house you own when someone else buys into it. Get a conveyancing solicitor to help you ASAP.

Firstly, you need a family lawyer! They will tell you to get married ASAP but his parents might want a prenup if you marry.

If you pay your money over to go on to the deeds then do NOT do so without a cohabitation agreement.

You need to discuss a lot of things, like does he have a Will - will you get his share in the equity in the house if he passes away, does he have life insurance or death in service benefits with his employer and has he made pension nominations in your favour?

The point about stamp duty is also important as well as the point that it is his loan so you should pay him as part of the terms of the cohabitation agreement and he should then discharge the loan . Do you know if his parents have a charge on the property as this will need to be discharged when the loan is paid off.

This will need a solicitor in order to properly get your name on the Deeds so just get your solicitor to advise on the best way of documenting the money… and yes it should presumably go to your DP as the current owner if the house. Do not pay it directly to the parents,

The loan was between your DP and his parents. He is the current owner. Your arrangement to buy your way into a shared house with him is a separate transaction and is not their business to interfere in. Separate out the two issues. Then, of course, he can repay his parents.

his parents want the loan back because they will have multiple beneficiaries of their inheritance and this will help make it fairer. Whenever they lend family money they always want it paid back, or at least used on their terms.

So, they are people who like things done properly, fairly and squarely. You have the right to do the same.

But there are two separate transactions here, as above.

Thank you all!

By way of an update, we are now arguing about it as I keep thinking about new points.

His point is that I am very lucky that once my name is on the deeds of the house I will be entitled to 50% of the equity should we split. Which I know is so so fortunate and I will have technically have made a massive return on my investment.

However now I can't help but think it's still reckless to hand over the money at this stage, even if it's all done through legal channels. In my head - I am putting in 100% of my money to the house. If something happens to him I would have a beautiful house to live in, but I would have to sell it and have not a penny to my name until that was done. In the same way there is no way anyone would be advised to spend 100% of their savings on a house if its means they'd be left with nothing to pay the bills.

If something happens to me, he still has the house, plus the £250k paid back on the loan, plus millions in his personal savings, companies, and assets.

The way I see it is I am adding ALL my capital to the pool but he's only adding a percentage of his. So it's not really about me being so lucky to own half the house, it's about being smart whilst we are unmarried. If we were married none of this would matter as I'd be entitled to more (prenup conversation completely separate!).

Am I being completely ridiculous becuase I should realise how fortunate I am to be in the position but Im still causing a fuss? Open to being told so! To reiterate, he is not stingy, I currently contribute a small amount to the family pot, and he largely pays for the majority still.

Thanks all

getting married would solve a lot of this angst. What is his view on that?

does he have life insurance with you as the beneficiary? This would then give you more financial security should something happen to him without having to sell the house first.

Do you share finances in any way? Do you have joint savings or other accounts?

If you were to hand over all your savings, you would be left reliant on his money for any substantial expenses.

If he has millions in savings, he should pay back his own loan to his parents. That is between them. Any money you use to buy a share of the house would go to him and be entirely separate.

At the moment, you are in an extremely vulnerable position. If he was to be knocked down by a bus (it happens), you and your children would have no home and you would have no savings to fall back on. That is not a position that I would be comfortable with.

I would want marriage, Wills, joint finances to some degree before handing over any money to him.

Remind him that you need security in the unlikely event that you put money in the house then he dies shortly afterwards. You need either name on deeds or life insurance or named in his will. And ideally all 3.

No NO NO!!!!!! You need legal documents drawn up by solicitors to say you own x amount of property BEFORE you hand any money over and that money needs to go through solicitors!!!

Why are YOU even considering that the loan is anything to do with you?!?! That is your partners loan between his parents and if he has to take a loan out to pay them back then HE and HE ALONE is responsible for it so go gods sake don’t allow him to put your name on it!! And DONT pay anything towards it!!! Your “d”p didn’t pay anything towards your previous house ot bills despite having much more money than you ??? MAJOR RED FLAG!!! This family are setting you up for something seriously dodgy!!! If £250,000 is just pennies to them then why are they so concerned about getting you to pay them instead of their son???

stinks like a rotten fish and him being “offended”. 😳😳😳😳😳😳 even more red flags!!!

only take advice from your own solicitor - many people have been conned from family who have been helped in conning them with the help of a “family solicitor”

you would be much better off putting your money in a high interest savings account or investments as at some point in the future when you split up with your partner and he throws you out of the house and refuses to let you live there you will need money to spend on buying a new house for you and your children

Also - if he has millions in his savings why doesn’t he pay back his family with that?? ANOTHER RED FLAG!!!

wealthy families are even more careful with money than poor ones so this nonsense about it being small change to them is absolute rubbish!!!!

if it smells like a rotten fish, looks like a rotten fish….etc 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Get a solicitor involved who works for you and you pay.
They can organise adding you to the legal title for the property in return for £x
Do not hand over any cash without this

And even if he writes a Will, bear in mind that Wills can be changed without you knowing. As can life insurance beneficiaries.

I think the only sure way of having some financial security for yourself and the dcs is through marriage (the best option) and/or being put on the deeds of the house.

If he is so rich, why was he only contributing to bills when living with you ‘as and when’? Did this enable him to save up to buy his house?

definitely get legal advice to protect yourself and your children.

You say he has millions in savings…but earlier in the thread you said a loan would have to be taken out to pay the parents…is it story time OP?!

Do not put 100% of your money in the house. It will be stuck. You will be stuck.
Keep some in isas premium bonds sipps etc for you