Slander, is this worth pursuing?

[Braindrain22]

Very very long story and I will try and keep this brief.

My elderly aunt died a few years ago. Leading up to her death my DM had been getting her shopping, paying her bills etc.

My aunt was quite wealthy and paid for her own care. She asked one of these carers to take on extra hours, cash in hand. At the time I told my DM bot to go along with this as it opened her up to accusations.

But she would withdraw money from my aunts post office account and pay the carer in cash. My aunt was housebound and paid all her bills etc in cash which my DM would do for her.

My cousins had virtually no contact with my aunt in the years leading up to her death. There had been a will change about 10 years ago ( against my uncles last wishes) but basically leaving the large chunk of money to 3 of my cousins and my cousins husband as executor.

The stuff about the will is a whole other thread.

We feel out with my cousins as when my aunt passed they accused my DM of not looking after her properly. It caused a huge fallout as they hadn't been near her for years and they had the cheek to accuse my DM who was the only one looking after her. Organising cleaners, gardeners etc, but were all paid in cash.

For many reasons we cut off the family and fast forward to the inheritance being sorted it was only my brother and I who did not receive anything.

I contacted my cousins husband and asked why? He first said that he had contacted us (not true) and we hadn't replied.

I got into a bit of an argument with him and then he said that there had been lots off withdrawals from my aunts account and they wanted to know where the money had gone? The carer had denied getting cash (she would have lost her job if they found out)

He was very carful in his text messages but was insinuating my DM had been taking the money. My DM had never taken a penny from my aunt. My DF was seriously ill so I never told my DM about the conversation.

My brother and I received our inheritance and we dropped it.

But it has been hugely grating on me that he tried to accuse my DM. She knows now and is extremely upset. She also said there was around £4k in cash at my aunts which she told them about which wasn't in the accounts that I had to force the executor to send me.

Can we do anything about these accusations? It has caused a lot of upset for us.

sorry for the length but so much has happened around this that I haven't even said

Honestly if everything is settled now, just leave it and dont talk to them again. I dont think its woth pursuing.

I would keep your mouth shut and be grateful that they never pressed further into where that money went to be honest. Your mum took a big risk taking out presumably large sums of money to make cash payments to people who will of course now deny receiving any cash, it doesn’t make your mum look great and I can absolutely see why they had their suspicions.

Slander would mean publishing the accusations publicly and this having a tangible impact on your mum’s reputation to a severe extent. The thresholds of proving the requirements of defamation are high, even for very famous people they have little chance of success in litigation for this. Just treat it as a lesson that you now know what these people are like and that’s hugely valuable in itself

Yes I do know how this looks and at the time I told my DM not to do this. We asked my aunt to tell the rest of the family which she said she did.

My DD had been diagnosed with cancer when my aunt passed and the cousins kept phoning me asking where her bank card was.

I know we should just drop it, but that anger about how my DM was treated is still bubbling away 🥺

It's only (potential) libel/slander if he commnicates his suspicions to others.

And, tbh, your DM cannot prove that she didn't keep the money (I'm sure she didn't). Even you told her that dealing with all those cash payments on behalf of your aunt was a bad idea.

As PPs have said, I would just drop it. And seethe quietly.

I’m not sure I understand, if the carer said she didn’t receive cash then there must be evidence she was paid to her bank account, as they won’t think she worked for free and will be able to confirm with the bank and all staff who received payments if it was on her bank statements, the solicitor can easily check,. Could your aunt have been confused and they were getting paid twice?

edit because the obvious follow up question to were you paid in cash is then how were you paid.

The carer received cash for doing extra hours. (No doubt it was cheaper for the OP's aunt as well, rather than going through the agency.) The carer is saying that she didn't do any extra cash-in-hand work, because it's against her job rules and also the taxman would like a word. Nobody can prove what extra work the carer did or didn't do.

You cannot do a thing about the accusations unless they are in the public domain and have caused you loss or harm. As for the estate, was there a will?.

Sorry, just re-read the original thread (I need to stop speed reading) and noticed there was a will with a change, but presumably you received what you were meant to?. If that's the case, case closed.

I understand you are angry, but you'd be mad to try and pursue this further. The only people who would benefit would be lawyers.

Yes there was a will, everything was to be split equally amongst the cousins. 3 of my cousins were particularly close to my aunt when she had good health.
They would take her out for dinner etc (which my aunt always paid for and resented later.)

My cousin (whose husband was executor) took my aunt to change her will a few years ago. This was changed that the majority of the money would go to the 3 cousins with a much smaller percentage split between the others.

Once this was done their contact with my aunt dropped significantly. And when she became housebound it was my DM and us who stepped up and looked after her. My aunt expressed at the time that she wanted too change her will, more or less back to the original, but leaving my DM some. My DM refused to take her as she knew how this would look to the others but told her to contact the others to organise.

It's not really about the will as my aunt was entitled to leave her money to whoever she wanted. We knew about the change and were happy that was her wishes.

It's the thought that they have been so malicious against my DM when she has done nothing wrong. We didn't attend my aunts funeral because of all the upset. The day of her funeral they cleared her house out and we wasn't even asked if there was anything sentimental that we wanted.

This is exactly what happened. She was doing alot of extra hours, it was quite a bit of money. My aunts house was also sold to this carer.

This is all the more reason to say nothing and be grateful that they let it go at the time. Your mum withdrew “quite a bit of money” from this woman’s bank account, all of that money is now unaccounted for… doesn’t look great and as the carer would never confess you’d be really fucked if they decided to do something about it.

Thank you for all your replies, I know we have to let this go. It just grates me, also the fact that my other aunts didn't stick up for my DM.

When they first accused my DM of not looking after my aunt properly I phone one of my aunts (one of their mums) and she said they were disgusted with the way they were behaving.

You’re very likely out of time anyway. The time limit is quite short and it sounds like this happened a while ago?

Yes it did, I guess it's rearing its head because my DF is very elderly and ill. It was his side of the family and he cut them off. We were all very close when young and it's just painful.

You said you and you brother were the only ones who didn’t inherit. Then you say ‘my brother and I received our inheritance and we dropped it ‘.

Drop it. Your aunt should have ensured something was in writing to confirm the arrangements but obviously did not because those getting the cash in hand wanted it kept quiet. That's why you never ever do that and the carers should all have been employed on a proper basis, as we did with my late Dad. Leave well alone.

Confused me too

Slander would mean publishing the accusations publicly

That would be libel. Slander is spoken or otherwise non-permanent defamation.

The bar for proving slander is slightly higher, as almost all cases require proof of serious reputational harm and 'special damage', usually meaning a measurable financial loss. Eg, it causes you to lose your job.

The burden of proof is still on the defendant (they must provide a specific defense, for example that their statement was 'substantially true'), but due to slander's non-permanence, to bring a case requires witnesses, which can be tricky.

OPs mother almost certainly doesn't have a claim based on the information here.

Grow up. Presumably you’re a grown adult using that emoji? Your mother played with fire and the cousins could have easily launched an investigation and recovered that money from your mother. Be grateful they didn’t.

Sorry, just to clarify. The will was all sorted and everyone was paid. The executor held back mine and my brothers money. I contacted him 6 months after settlement to ask why we hadn't been paid.
He said he had sent a message to me asking for bank details and I hadn't replied, he didn't.
He then brought up the inconsistencies in the accounts and said we had to provide receipts before he would pay us.

Thanks for that....

You need to just let it lie. Your mother could very easily end up on the hook for the money paid out. If you didn’t provide bank details how was he meant to pay you?

I can't see how your DM has a slander claim here, the claims have only been made within this close family group, and presumably she has suffered no financial or reputational harm.

Slander is a hard case to win, and costly - and suffice to say such a case will just increase tensions in the family.

I would advise leaving alone.