Ex take child because of who I see

[Helpandadvice1992]

Simply this, my ex and his wife feel they can dictate who I can and cannot see. And who I can and cannot talk to on the phone around our shared child. Basically insinuated that if u speak to my partner or he’s around our child then they will take him away, as my ex feels threaten after all these years (and me and my partner have been together 5 years but don’t live together) of someone being a father figure to our son. Yes we had an argument but they believe our son is traumatised from it. He’s not he keeps asking to see my partner and he’s soon 11! Like I am stressed

Your ex can't just take your son.

Your ex cannot just take your son. Your ex and his wife cannot tell you who to see or to speak to. Learn to ignore them. Learn how to grey rock. They are bullying you.

Problem is they are all nice and all like we are here for you, buy gifts for my other son, and things but they are trying to over take everyrbinf. I am just living in fear and they keep saying for now, like how long will that be xx

How is he allowed to move on and remarry? Can he not see how ironic and quite frankly pathetic and controlling that is????

What's their reasoning? Does he have any criminal past?

Is there violence in your relationship? You skim pretty swiftly over your ex thinking your child is traumatised from witnessing an argument between you. Does your ex think he’s son isn’t safe around your partner or the relationship?

Hmm I feel there's probably more to this story. Have they got good reason to have reservations about your partner? Did you have an argument in front of your son?

Basically they got together via an affair, after she said she wanted my family and my life.
me and partner have been together 5 years. There was a incident end of August whereby we had argued and I did ask the police to get me home as I couldn’t drive my car home due to knee surgery and he had actually took my set of keys accidentally, the police got my keys from him as he was really upset. No further action, no social services, nothing else. So my son said to me he was upset with how he spoke to me when he heard us arguing when he was in bed, and because my partner was worried I was taking stuff that didn’t belong to me. However my ex and his wife to exaggerate things as they like to brag how they have been together 10 years and I have had two long term relationships instead, and apparently let he has night terrors which my son denies. They never wanted our son extra before when he was younger and hard work but now he’s easier they apparently keep suggesting one week on and one week off which he doesn’t want he wants to stay living with me because his dad and wife go abroad all the time but never take him on holiday, whereas I take him places like Florida, Spain, Tenerife etc. they don’t do the theme park days out, and basically go on about how their life is easy. Wait until they eventually have their baby, but seems to be a long time getting pregnant

Nothing to do with your ex who you are with. Did you get to approve his new wife?

first, I’m sorry he cheated and betrayed you that hurts.
However, I see their point now and you making it out to not be a big deal is worrying to me as a stranger. So would be extra worrying to them.
I would reassure them as best you can, write to them along the lines of
’yes I agree with you that child should not have been exposed to an argument. This however will not happen again, and I will ensure it. Our son is not at risk of being exposed to arguments here.

Thanks for getting in touch, let’s continue to work together in our child’s best interest’

if he keeps telling you you can’t have him around your child then it’s ’our child is safe in my care, I have reassured you already about concerns about an argument, this is no longer a concern, it is not appropriate for you to comment on who is in my home as long as they are safe, I use my parental responsibility when our son is with me to judge which situations are safe, just like you do’

if he threatens to keep son say ‘it is not agreed that his schedule is changed. Any decisions about a change of schedule should be agreed between the two of us, if we cannot agree then we must attend mediation if we still cannot agree then court application should be made. It is not appropriate for one parent to unilaterally make this decision or to abduct oue child, changes to his schedule will be to his detriment. Please agree in writing that you will return him as is his usual schedule this week’

Your son is 11 so fairly aware of what happened when you had an argument with this man. An incident which resulted in you calling the police because he had your car keys. He has obviously discussed this with his father who is concerned by your son’s account.

Whilst your ex doesn’t have any right to prevent you having a relationship with this man he does have a responsibility to act on concerns about the welfare of his son. A domestic incident involving the police would raise alarm in any parent about the home environment. Conversely you seem blasé about it.

I think you need to consider the possibility that your son has asked to stay with his father because he feels safe there and not with you.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum thank you I really appreacite it. I am waitint on a solicitor appointment

@LemonTTmy son has told myself, my dad and my mother that he doesn’t want to stay at his fathers anymore than his every other weekend for many factors. He also repeatedly asks to see my partner. Yes he shouldn’t have heard the argument but he was also meant to have been in asleep. Unfortunately though it’s not just this with her. For example my partner was not allowed to give my son a graded card for his birthday, apparently it is now a father and son thing (although my partner originally got him into to.) and he was told he was not allowed to give the gift to our son from the dad and his wife. So my partner respected that and waited the year for them to gift their to our son like they were meant to and then they never did!
then I started a club with our son, my club. A mother and son thing if you want to call it that. Now his dad and wife turn up every week against my wishes and against what my son wants to watch, and to then berate our son if he isn’t good enough. Now they have over taken this event that I do with him. They physically want to have power of everything I do; and unfortunately yes the incident shouldn’t have happened, have we worked it out and sorted through it… yes we have. Have we made agreements for the sake of both our kids? Yes we have.
I honestly believe that perhaps they can’t have their own child and that she is so hellbent on taking the one child my ex husband has.

At 11 ds is old enough to make decisions about who he lives with and courts will likely take his choice into account. This means that if he is happy and feels safe with you he can and will continue with the current set up if that's what he wants.

If everything about the affair partner is true regarding her wanting to steal your life...(Bizarre and disturbing) Then she and DH may be trying to get ds to live with them to support this division and erase him from your life.

There is a real risk of parental alienation and if you can gather any evidence that they are trying to turn ds against you or her trying to claim your life for future reference.

The police incident sounds really weird. Why did you call them to get you home rather then
..a taxi or a friend?? Are we getting the whole story?

Re the other stuff. The ex needs to be put on an info diet. Your life is none of his business. How dare he tell you what you can do and who you can speak to!! Cheating bastard. I'm wondering if he is forcing this info out of ds.?

So there’s more to the story than your ex trying to dictate who you see and speak to because he’s being controlling etc.

It seems from your updates about arguments with your partner and police even being involved that he’s actually just concerned about how his is effecting your son.

If you’re not in a healthy relationship and your child is witnessing negative behaviour and situations you need to make some changes.

No but social services may if there is a whole heap the op is missing out, we only have the op's version

Sorry but your post is very confusing . What is a graded card , what is a mother and son club ? I feel sorry for your son , it seems as if he's being used to hurt each other .

If you value your child you do need to get rid of your partner. No one calls the police for a lift home because their partner accidentally took the car keys. There was clearly an incident where you felt unsafe. The fact that you are now minimising it and trying to get a lot of strangers on line to validate you suggests you are in denial. You need to seriously consider your priorities and start by accepting that there is an issue with your partner.

Whatever the relationship with your DP, good or bad. Why is your ex so involved with your life?

we were staying with him for a couple weeks durn the summer, we live in seperate houses usually. And will stay at each others houses. My kids have their own room at his.
his ex wife and my worked were friends for a while and when me and him had split before, due to issues with his children, I had met up with a male friend. We weren’t together so didn’t feel necessary to tell my partner when we had got back together. Anyways she decided to after 2.5 years. And it caused some arguments. He felt we weeent on a break and that trchincially I had cheated, I would reply we were on a break as I wouldn’t just cheat as I know how that feels. We had to stay with him for reasons in the summer and it was all fine up until the last day. He turned around and said that he couldn’t do this anymore we were over and he was really upset and we argued. My kids were asleep so he said we could stay the night and then leave the next day. I got myself all worked up, and all upset! My partner stormed out of his house at 1am and messaged at about 3am and said we had to leave now he was really upset and angry and he felt betrayed basically. Well I couldn’t get out the house to load my car with the stuff as originally my dad came to drive us home, as I couldn’t find the keys. We had exchanged our house keys back and he had put mine on his keys instead of the hook like normal. So it was a genuine error. We had to get the police to come and get the door unlocked so that we couldn’t be prosecuted. Kids were asleep until we had to leave and go home. My partner actually came back when the police were there and admitted he had made a Misfake he didn’t want us to leave etc. but by this time I felt it was best to carry on and go home.

He’s not trying to be involved in her life. He’s showing concern for his child who is witnessing his mother in an unhealthy relationship where police are involved!

@Contrarymary30irs for Pokemon. You can by graded cards which are value at more money. And mother and son club isn’t a mother a son club per se. My point is that I pay for the club, I set him up for the sports club we do together. His dad and wife have over taken and turn up when they aren’t wanted and my son doesn’t know how to tell them he doesn’t want them there! My point is if this graded card thing is a father and son thing and we are to do nothing or buy nothing for Pokemon then the same respect should be the other way

@Hadalifeonce it’s not him. It’s the wife. Ever since she became friends with him she said to me ‘I am trying to save your marriage as I would love your marriage and family’ and then proceeded to have an affair. When our child was younger they stuck to their every other weekend and that was it. When he was in a schoolnin a different town and we lived in a different town they didn’t want to know him due to travelling 20 minutes. Now I have moved to the same area they suddenly want to no; now that he is self sufficient. They tell me I am not allowed to let him have a phone, I can’t let him walk home from school (he’s year 6 and they all are.) they dictate everything. I am not allowed to talk to my sister or have her around my son. It’s everything. She now even has the same illness diagnosis as me! She goes to my nail salon so I have changed. There have been together nearly 10years and I believe maybe they can’t have kids and their only option is our son.

@DaisyChain505inwould understand this if the police stayed involved or their referred to social services by didn’t.

You lost me at the point you had to ring the police, there’s quite obviously more to that story and at the point you’re involving 999 in your arguments I also wouldn’t want my child anywhere near that person.

So he locked you and the children in the house, you called the police to let you out because he was threatening you with prosecution and presumably wouldn't come back and let you out so you felt the only option to keep you and the kids safe was to call the police and the police made the decision to refer to social services? Yeah i wouldn't want my kids around that either.