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Original poster

How to get someone out of your property who refuses to go

126 replies

despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 07:22

My son (in his 30s) has drink and drug issues and makes bad decisions.

At the end of May, he let a "friend" into his flat and now this person refuses to leave. My son is now working abroad. We were alerted to the situation by an anonymous letter from someone in the street who was concerned about the situation (the person in the house has been to prison and has other criminals over) and also had concerns that our son was intimidated into letting him in. The person occupying does not pay rent (although he has loaned my son a significant amount of money) and done some work on the property. We have paid him for this work on the basis of invoices he has submitted and photos of the work. We have agreed to pay him the money he loaned to our son and part paid him this. He refuses to leave. We have served him (through a solicitor) with a notice to quit but he is still there. Our solicitor is now going to try and get a court order to remove him. The person occupying says he will fight the application as he has a two year old daughter who stays with him some nights and we can't make him homeless. This all started about 8 weeks ago so he has had plenty of time to find somewhere else to live. Solicitor says it will take 3 months to get him out using the legal process. He says he will go if we pay him the full amount of the money our son borrowed, but we don't want to do that until he has moved out. Stalemate! In the meantime, he has had a skip delivered to the flat's parking bay (person is a builder) and this is breaching one of the covenants of the flat as it is only to be used for parking. We think a breach could end up with our son being taken to court by the management company.

We are so upset about the whole thing it would be really good to hear outsiders' objective views of what to do about this and get him out. Is there a way we can safely pay him the money and ensure he moves out? He is a really bad person so we can't trust him.

Sorry for the long read!

PS As soon as he is out, son will sell the flat and son has agreed to repay us the loan and legal costs from sale proceeds.

OP posts:
Original poster
despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 08:24

Slimagain · 11/09/2025 08:05

Hi OP. This sounds like a classic cuckooing scenario. In normal circumstances it would be appropriate to tell you to let your son deal with this - but cuckooing is extremely difficult to deal with and you need to contact the police urgently. Most police stations have specialist cuckooing teams. (Mine does) . DO NOT pay this man anymore money.
Please get the right help with this. The intimidation, threats, vulnerable adult, drug problems and financial abuse are the key ingredients to cuckooing. You will be taken seriously when you report this - and don’t be surprised if this man is not already known for this behaviour.

If you are lucky his recent prison stay may well have restrictions placed on his licence that prohibit this type of activity - sufficient for a recall to prison. It’s a VERY common scenario in this type of situation.

We are worried that we may get my son into trouble with the police as he has taken drugs in the past. There may be other things that we don't know about and the person occupying the flat is sure to fight back with something. What do you think? I guess they can't do anything about taking drugs unless they find someone in possession?

OP posts:
Original poster
despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 08:25

Newsnow · 11/09/2025 08:22

Why do you think mumsnet readers, with no knowledge of the specifics, and who you have no way of knowing whether or not they’re legally qualified, will give better advice than the solicitor you’ve already engaged?

Show quote history

Well, actually, they have! The cuckoo-ing and the police thing is really useful and something our solicitor has not mentioned.

OP posts:
cupfinalchaos · 11/09/2025 08:25

SoScarletItWas · 11/09/2025 07:36

I was going to say the same as @pilates! if there’s no rental agreement, is there actually anything stopping you doing that? I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that there is a reason you can’t, even though that would be batshit.

But I’m more in agreement with @Motnight. This is absolutely nothing to do with you. I wouldn’t get involved and spare myself the worry.

Unless it’s actually you that owns the flat / pays the mortgage / is a guarantor for your son’s rent - he’s in his 30s FFS, why are you even involved?!

Edited

You don’t just switch off and stop caring about them when they’re in their in their 30’s..

Original poster
despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 08:26

ThePoshUns · 11/09/2025 08:23

You’ve got legal advice and are progressing that through a solicitor, I don’t think random unqualified strangers on the internet can give you any other advice.

The cuckooing and police idea is useful though and solicitor did not mention this. So I have learned something by consulting mumsnet!

OP posts:
Newsnow · 11/09/2025 08:28

despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 08:25

Well, actually, they have! The cuckoo-ing and the police thing is really useful and something our solicitor has not mentioned.

Show quote history

But the solicitor with all the info is better placed to advise.

There’s no way we have the same info as you gave them.

vjg13 · 11/09/2025 08:34

I’ve sent you a DM.

BerryTwister · 11/09/2025 08:37

I’d just change the locals while he’s out. If he’s a violent thug, he’s going to be just as angry however he’s forced to move out, be it by a legal route or simply changing the locks. In fact, if he’s legally evicted, then in the run up to moving day, he’ll probably destroy the flat anyway.

I’d go in while he’s out, move his stuff out, change the locks , and transfer him the money he’s owed. If you know the addresses of any of his friends , you could take his stuff to them.

You could also go in and remove every single piece of furniture, white goods, beds, and so on, and ask for the water, electricity, wifi, gas to be stopped.

spoonbillstretford · 11/09/2025 08:37

Wait until he goes out and change the locks. Call the police if he tries to break in.

Fishplates · 11/09/2025 08:42

VeryConfusedAboutEverything · 11/09/2025 07:50

This is called cuckooing. When a person uses threats or violence to essentially move into a vulnerable person’s house. It’s a crime. You can go to the police about this.

Yes this OP

I feel a solicitor has just taken money from you….

Original poster
despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 09:08

I've phoned the police and talked to them about a potential cuckoo-ing situation without giving any names etc. Now thinking what we do next. It's going to take some courage to make an official report as this is a violent man with a criminal past. Thanks to those that suggested cuckoo-ing. That's been helpful.

OP posts:
Original poster
despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 09:19

BerryTwister · 11/09/2025 08:37

I’d just change the locals while he’s out. If he’s a violent thug, he’s going to be just as angry however he’s forced to move out, be it by a legal route or simply changing the locks. In fact, if he’s legally evicted, then in the run up to moving day, he’ll probably destroy the flat anyway.

I’d go in while he’s out, move his stuff out, change the locks , and transfer him the money he’s owed. If you know the addresses of any of his friends , you could take his stuff to them.

You could also go in and remove every single piece of furniture, white goods, beds, and so on, and ask for the water, electricity, wifi, gas to be stopped.

I would imagine he has already changed the locks so that we can't get in. He's a builder so easy for him to do.

OP posts:
Newsnow · 11/09/2025 09:28

despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 09:19

I would imagine he has already changed the locks so that we can't get in. He's a builder so easy for him to do.

Show quote history

And you can change them again.

Original poster
despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 09:35

Newsnow · 11/09/2025 09:28

And you can change them again.

Show quote history

But we would have to break in to do that?

OP posts:
VeryConfusedAboutEverything · 11/09/2025 09:36

Newsnow · 11/09/2025 08:28

But the solicitor with all the info is better placed to advise.

There’s no way we have the same info as you gave them.

Show quote history

If it's a solicitor who specialises in property law they will have no clue about the criminality of this type of behaviour. They will likely not have looked at any criminal law since taking their undergrad exams. They're treating it as if it's a civil law 'unwanted squatter' case. But this is actually cuckooing - abuse of a vulnerable person - and is a criminal matter. Solicitors are not law enforcement.

Newsnow · 11/09/2025 09:36

It’s not breaking in when he’s illegally occupying?

Does he have a tenancy agreement?

VeryConfusedAboutEverything · 11/09/2025 09:39

despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 08:24

We are worried that we may get my son into trouble with the police as he has taken drugs in the past. There may be other things that we don't know about and the person occupying the flat is sure to fight back with something. What do you think? I guess they can't do anything about taking drugs unless they find someone in possession?

Show quote history

The police won't be interested in whether your son has taken drugs in the past. Without outing myself, I know a bit about this from a professional standpoint and even if he were to be caught with some drugs on him, he would only get a fine. I've seen people get charged with having heroin on them for personal use and the penalty is usually just a fine of around £100 and no more done about it.

BerryTwister · 11/09/2025 09:39

despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 09:35

But we would have to break in to do that?

Show quote history

Maybe he hasn’t changed the locks? You won’t know until you try.
I would simply go round there when I knew he was out, either let myself in or break in, get the locks changed and move all his stuff out.

Or as I said, if you don’t want to do that, just inform the utilities that the house is unoccupied and they can disconnect everything.

Autumn1990 · 11/09/2025 09:42

St Giles Trust is involved in help for cuckooing.

lanadelgrey · 11/09/2025 09:48

You get a locksmith and with written permission from your son, they can break the lock then install a new one. Or you break a window and get in with a glazier on standby. You can do what you like with your property within reason. But make sure you have things in writing and you son reachable by phone

Original poster
despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 09:55

Newsnow · 11/09/2025 09:36

It’s not breaking in when he’s illegally occupying?

Does he have a tenancy agreement?

No, no tenancy agreement

OP posts:
Original poster
despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 09:57

BerryTwister · 11/09/2025 09:39

Maybe he hasn’t changed the locks? You won’t know until you try.
I would simply go round there when I knew he was out, either let myself in or break in, get the locks changed and move all his stuff out.

Or as I said, if you don’t want to do that, just inform the utilities that the house is unoccupied and they can disconnect everything.

Show quote history

I like this idea! I'll give it a go.

OP posts:
Deafnotdumb · 11/09/2025 09:59

Hang on - does your son's bully have a formal rental agreement? If not, he is a lodger and it's a lot easier to evict him.

ThePoshUns · 11/09/2025 10:43

You can’t cuckoo someone who isn’t actually in their home and have left it voluntarily.

VeryConfusedAboutEverything · 11/09/2025 11:36

ThePoshUns · 11/09/2025 10:43

You can’t cuckoo someone who isn’t actually in their home and have left it voluntarily.

You can if the victim is so frightened that they no longer want to or feel able to safely live in their home.

AgathaX · 11/09/2025 11:47

despairingmum4 · 11/09/2025 09:08

I've phoned the police and talked to them about a potential cuckoo-ing situation without giving any names etc. Now thinking what we do next. It's going to take some courage to make an official report as this is a violent man with a criminal past. Thanks to those that suggested cuckoo-ing. That's been helpful.

I can understand that it will take courage, but the alternative is that this just continues, possibly for years. Your son loses his home. This man could be doing anything in that place, damage, growing weed, illegal sub-letting, anything.

You need to be brave and do this. Do you have an alarm on your own property, CCTV? Maybe get your security up to scratch quickly and then involve the police. You've had anonymous correspondence from a neighbour, so you can share that with the police too.

Have you watched the flat at all to try to see what is going on?

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