Not leaving estate to husband

[Ebananascroogey]

Just wondering if its possible to leave everything in my will to someone else? Every asset was mine bought before we got together, so can I leave them all to my brother, or will he have claim on it all because we are married?
Marriage is 8 years so far if that makes a difference.
Thanks for any help you can give

@Nestingbirds thank you. Please don't worry, I might feel emotionally battered, but physically im safe & i don't see that changing. As long as he's got his hobbies & his beer & his TV, things will carry on as is while I plan in the background.

Background would be useful

I know I’ve said it before on this thread but I really do think that speaking to Women’s Aid would be useful.

As you save, take legal advice and your plan will come together. Tell some trusted friends or family members. Get support op as much as you can - that will give you the strength you need to break free. He is draining the life out of you.

Coming a bit late but take it from me. I divorced two men like that waiting on my income, cooking and waiting on them like a slave ...I survived it, thankfully my property was through my father and my brother inherited the bigger part but I survived. My brother having the deeds but sharing the plot and houses with me was actually my saviour. After the divorces my brother just took them to the front gate and the men live now in shacks and cabins. If you are a business savvy woman you'll get a fresh start, and even if you reduce what you own it's not the end of the world

@Ebananascroogey you mention squirreling money away for a lawyer. Is he financially abusive? Are you having to explain all your transactions to him?

SHL + divorce is your best option here. As soon as possible.

@BunnyRuddington I really struggle with believing I am a victim of anything more than stupidity & would feel a fraud contacting Women's Aid, but I will bear it in mind, & definitely call them if anything changes.

@myplace no thankfully, its just that he sees my money as ours & can't budget for the life of him, so I've gone from saving regularly to barely scraping by at the end of the month after he's finished doing, drinking & treating his family!

I wonder if you could sell your current home and buy a small cheap flat instead. The cheapest you can find. Both of you move there and it becomes the main residence on paper.
Then you move away.
So day to day you are not living with him anymore, and you can talk to a solicitor to decide if you want to divorce or just live separately.
But at this point, even if he claims he is a dependant he wouldn’t (shouldn’t) get more than what he is depending on: being allowed to live in the cheap flat.

Just a thought, not sure it makes sense?

Divorce him, you're letting him ruin your life and even letting him be a pain to your brother after you die. Just get rid!

Is there a way that the properties can be owned by a business, or that your brother could be a business partner so that it’s harder for your husband to stake a claim on them?

If he’s spending your joint account money like water you need to put the nasty twat on a budget. Someone needs to help you find some strength again. Does your brother know exactly what’s going on? Therapy sounds like a bloody amazing idea as I think saying this stuff out loud to someone would help you resolve to sort it.

I would be finding out about this. Or transfer the properties all into your brothers name now then when you divorce he won't have a claim to anything.

Urm hun, if its like this, why stay married? Forget about the will, think about divorce. You say he's taken your life away, but youre still here, living and breathing. Enjoy it, but not with him!

I'm glad you've got a plan in place now, OP. I hope it all works out for you.

On the will issue, technically, you can leave your estate to someone other than your husband, but in the case of your death, he can go to court to dispute this and would likely win. (This is what I was told when I wanted to leave everything - not that it was much - in trust to my son.) The law may have changed, or perhaps the solicitor I saw gave me incorrect advice, so it is worth getting your own up to date information from a properly qualified source. I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one who has found yourself in this situation. And I agree with others, that your plan to leave is the best one. You deserve a happy life.

I would see a solicitor. And yes, use your employee assistance programme; I used mine and they were excellent. Check if your package also includes legal advice as mine does, although they would not be able to act for you.
Honestly, you will be able to get out of this; just think about the rest of your life as motivation.

I divorced at 46 after my EXH left me for someone else. He had cheated before and one of the reasons I didnt leave was because I was scared of going through a hideous divorce. I wont lie - it was hideous in places, but almost from the start i started to recover and because I wasn't dealing with his nonsense day in and day out, I had strength to fight when I needed to. My life has never been happier and my only regret is that I didnt do it sooner! I am living life to the fullest now and I would urge you to do the same. Good luck.

I’d be paying my wages into a new separate account …he can’t spend your money and sit about drinking beer

I did this. Just left. Rented a cottage and didn't tell anyone where I had gone, other than a few very trusted friends. I did let people know I was safe but no more explanation than that for a while. I needed the time to get my head together and wait for him to calm down (there was DV involved).

Ok, I can see you are in all sorts of quandary and only just starting to consider your options.

Could you get a bit tactical and say that you are concerned about your lack of savings for retirement/the cost of living and feel that you need to tweak the budget?
Reorganise the money so personal spending money is in different pots and when his runs out it’s gone.
Have the household account set up so no one can just take money from it- it’s on direct debits.

Would that reduce his spending a bit?

I am so frustrated for you.

You sound very unhappy. Please think about separating/divorcing. Not because of the assets/estate but because you deserve to be happy.

This is not living. Please seek legal advice. You deserve some happiness. To contest a will is lengthy and expensive, would he have the funds to do this?

@myplace Thank you for understanding. I've had pots for a while, because i got seriously worried when the pet food money was going down before the pet food had been bought, the problem is when he's spent his, i end up going into the savings to save the fall out & drama (& the its not my fault it's my mental health carry on) to top it up. I do need to find a way to stop that, so i can get a cushion, although not too big of one that he can take half!

For everyone else. I wish it was as simple as selling a rental property & legging it, but evicting a tenant will take time & potentially a lot of money. I've got some counselling lined up already through the employee assistance scheme at work, and some leave booked for a couple of weeks, where i'll go out as if i'm off to work as normal & use the time to see a solicitor & work out the lie of the land. After a while of being totally vile there's a bit of an uneasy truce at the moment, and while i'm happy to admit i'm terrified of what's to come, it doesn't feel totally impossible any more, so thank you everyone for being so kind & supportive, while also not allowing me to wallow in self pity.

I'm on team "divorce him".
Seriously op just cut your losses and get the hell out of Dodge.