Gifting money to myself and siblings with a deputyship order

[Notright77]

I am a deputy for my Fathers estate. Unfortunately he is now in care for life. He is very happy and settled in a wonderful, private care home. We are selling his house and using the funds to pay for his care. However, he only needs a certain amount to secure his care in the home for life. He will have more than enough money to live on, for the rest of his life, with pensions and other savings. Once the house is sold there would effectively be around £70k left which should technically go straight into his bank but I think it’s a shame me and my siblings can’t have it. It won’t make any difference at all to him and will just go on more care home fees. Has anyone been in the situation and had the money? I know there are strict rules around deputyship but I know he would rather we had the money than it go towards more care home fees.

@Notright77

I'm so sorry to hear your Dad is in a care home at a relatively young age.

You say you and your siblings are all financially ok, so why are you even considering taking his savings now?

Do you love your Dad? It's his money; you have been trusted to look after his fincances which is a really big deal. I could understand wanting to take his money for yourself and siblings if your Dad was abusive to you before becoming unwell, but otherwise I don't understand it at all.

I think the top priority should be ensuring he can stay in the care home of his choice and I know from experience that social services are so cheapskate they won't pay a penny until they absoultely have to and will check everything before they do. And when they do, they will select the cheapest home.

I took my Mum out of the care home she'd been admitted to after a couple of weeks because it wasn't somewhere I wanted her to live. We now self fund live-in care. She has a lot of health conditions so couldn't be at home alone. She is so much happier, but of course it's a far more expensive choice.

Situations change and I do think your Dad's money might be needed for his care in future even though you might not think so now.

Good luck OP, I know it's sad having a parent in this situation.

That’s right. He doesn’t receive CHC.

Thank you so much for your comment. I haven’t gone into lots of detail but I know in an ideal world he would like us to have something (he has a cousin who had a similar thing happen) as we talked about it, only a few months before his stroke happened and, personally, I would specifically like my younger brother to have something. I know it would be his wishes, but equally, I don’t want to do anything that would jeopardise the deputyship.

This is how I feel. My mum and dad saved the best part of 1 million pounds. They probably thought it would be split between us children but it will all go on care - most of it already has. My dad died and my mum has dementia but is physically very fit. She's in a great care home where she is very contented. That is peace of mind for us all. Any why should the council pay? The money is there. Councils are broke.

You could get legal advice. I do understand you wanting to share the money as he would have wished, but circumstances have changed and he will probably need it for nursing care. Be glad this at least gives you some power of choice. Council funded care can be seriously grim or even abusive.

He is not dead. It’s not his estate via his will. It’s his money. You will just have to wait. Like many other people.

The UK needs something like the care tax in other countries where 0.5% or however much of your salary is taken as a sort of insurance in case you need care at some point.

It is very unfair at the moment in the UK on the person needing care and on their family.

Plus the caring profession here (UK) should be more respected, regulated and with official training courses with proper qualifications. It's such a hit and miss thing atm and care homes can be grim as @RedBeech says, which is heartbreaking and awful. Carers are on very low pay which when you think about how important their work is, is not right.

I do understand OP's feeling that her father would have liked some of his money to go to his children and that OP would like to honour that. Otherwise it will all go on care - while other people get their care 100% funded from the start. This is a terribly unfair system. In OP's situation I wouldn't take the money though, I'd keep it in the father's account in case he needs it.

Not as Deputy you can’t unless the person was already doing this prior to losing capacity.

This is correct. I give siblings £300-400 at Christmas to cover birthday and Christmas presents from mum to their families - which is roughly what she would have spent. That is about 1k a year. She didn't spend mire than that so I can't either. I did once gift a family member in need £1k as I knew 100% she would have done the same in their circumstances. But other requests have to be turned down.