My 16 year old daughter wants to come home

[Rosiemar]

Can anyone advise me what I need to do to help my daughter to leave a care home?
My daughter wants to come home and is very adamant that if the social worker says no she is just going to come home.
She has a solicitor who has emailed social services and also applying to court to have the care order dismissed. My 12 yeah old is also in foster placement under a care order with future reunification. Due to my 16 year old being pregnant at 13. And I have physical and mental health problems which are now under control and have been for the last two years. I don't know what to do.
We are now getting a new social worker (number 27 in the last year) and every time it's re explaining the past and being judged on what happen 12 years ago they don't seem to look at who we are now and how far we have come I have never hurt my 3 children and have always tried my best to be a good single mum.
I would love for my daughter to come home and we have both done everything we have been asked to do by social services. All I got from my barrister when I asked about this was she is 16 she can pretty much do what she wants.

Any advice you can give I'm truly grateful for and thank you

It's not sick curiosity. It would be silly to comment without knowing more details and OP's second post definitely changes things.

I've read your update. Yes I honestly believe that care is the right place for your children. You can still call them and visit. When they're adults they can visit more and possibly stay with you. They're safe and have routine right now. You're too unpredictable if you start drinking and/or stop taking your medication.

i presume you had a parenting capacity assessment. if yes what was the outcome? Either you or her can apply to court have the care order discharged but let her solicitor deal with that.would it be better though for your daughter to ask for a change of placement? I presume you see her often? Would you be able to offer her total stability?

@breadpie and @Drowninginconfusion thank you for sticking up for a very vulnerable woman.

Too many times we see people treating posts like a tv show and not understand this is someone’s real life and they need genuine real support and advice.

Op, I hope things are calming down and you have some sort of support system being put in place for you and your daughter.

To this people seeking additional information @SummerIce @CaptainFuture etc this is the legal board.

Whilst you are all correct that the specificities of the fact pattern are critical to making a legal assessment none of you have I see the info given to do that. You’ve asked a vulnerable woman to share details and offered nothing in return. You should be ashamed.

OP this isn’t my area of practice so I can’t offer practical advice but I hope you and your DDs are getting the support you need.

@Rosiemar You've made great progress, well done.

I hope your DS is doing well.

The abuse of your older DD was not on you. The abuser got a prison term.

The abusers of you are not you. I hope karma gets them good and proper.

You will obviously need ongoing support what's happened to you is going to be very hard to get over if you even can get over it. The same with your oldest DD. You might find your younger DD needs some counselling/support too.

Considering where you are now, I think your oldest DD could come home. I hope she does and it works out because this then paves the way for your youngest DD to come home.

I am not talking legally, I'm talking as one human to another human.

Sending you the best of the best wishes.

As a foster parent I’ll tell you the truth. At 16 she’ll be able to ‘vote with her feet’.

That's all so sad. It seems unfair that despite all the talk of growth and people having the capacity to change and heal, the system doesn't really give them the opportunity to. Guess it's all about the downside risk.

OP you should be commended for all your efforts in recovering from the awful things you have been through.
You are going to get an awful lot of responses from people who have never experienced similar to you, who don't work in related fields, and have absolutely no idea of the complexity of the situation you described.
Anyone who isn't a lawyer should not be asking you to detail your trauma- and any opinion they pass on you for it just shows their extremely poor judgment, not anything about you.
No lawyer worth their salt will provide legal advice on this forum to you. Not because we don't care- we really do. Just because you deserve proper, personal, accurate legal advice that you can be confident in. You cannot receive that over an anonymous forum.
I strongly, strongly recommend you get in touch with Legal Aid or similar in your area. Get in touch with any local community legal service and they will know which to refer you to.
Best of luck to you and your family going forward.

This.

OP, it sounds like you have been doing everything you can to turn things around. Battling with BPD is hard but if you’re taking meds and doing everything that’s being asked of you I can’t see why your dd can’t come home. You and your dd will need support moving forward as it’s not easy overcoming what you have both been through. I hope you get your dd back and eventually your other child too, I hope you continue to get help and you don’t have to go through any more awful experiences.

I can't help with the legalties but I experienced a teeny tiny fraction of what you have and I barely kept myself together. What you have done to keep going and to try and protect your children and to build a stable home - well done. So much wasnt your fault and out your control and you could have given up on them and you didnt. Well done. Keep going

I don't have any advice OP but I'm so sorry to read everything you and your children have been through. I really am. I hope you all find peace after such a tough journey so far!