My 16 year old daughter wants to come home

[Rosiemar]

Can anyone advise me what I need to do to help my daughter to leave a care home?
My daughter wants to come home and is very adamant that if the social worker says no she is just going to come home.
She has a solicitor who has emailed social services and also applying to court to have the care order dismissed. My 12 yeah old is also in foster placement under a care order with future reunification. Due to my 16 year old being pregnant at 13. And I have physical and mental health problems which are now under control and have been for the last two years. I don't know what to do.
We are now getting a new social worker (number 27 in the last year) and every time it's re explaining the past and being judged on what happen 12 years ago they don't seem to look at who we are now and how far we have come I have never hurt my 3 children and have always tried my best to be a good single mum.
I would love for my daughter to come home and we have both done everything we have been asked to do by social services. All I got from my barrister when I asked about this was she is 16 she can pretty much do what she wants.

Any advice you can give I'm truly grateful for and thank you

What happened 12 years ago,?
Was the father of your 13 yo (at the time) a peer?
Are all 3 living not with you?

Where is your third child? What happened to have them removed? What kind of physical and mental health issues?

Is this a good idea? Are you the best person to be caring for her right now? Is it the right thing for your mental health to have her home?

What does your social worker want for her now she's 16?

Did she go through with the pregnancy?

Why is she and your other child in care?

And where is your third child?

The reasons for their removal are very relevant.

We definitely need more info. Ime of working in a children's home, a child can't just decide they want to leave. There's alot of work to do up until they're 18 of transitioning out of a care home. If they were to go home before then, such as being decided it was now safe to go home, there's alot of work to do to put everything into place. It isn't a automatic thing at 16

My son is 24 and he has lived me up in till he turned 22. 12 years ago I was in hospital for 3 months due to a heart attack and stroke. And the step grandfather was taking care of my girls. About a year after my 16 year old daughter told me that she didn't like giving her step grandad adult kisses. I immediately phoned the police and my ex husband who is my children's step dad phone his dad and confronted him. He admitted to the police what he had done and was sentenced for 14 years. But my ex husband and his family stood by what he had done to my little girl telling me it was her fault and that she asked for it. I was so shocked and couldn't believe what they were saying and I wouldn't stand for it. So he pack mine and my children's bags and dump us at a Macdonald's carpark. We where in temporary accommodation and we where constantly moving about up till I found a place nearly 2 years ago. I'm bipolar with a borderline multiple personality disorder on a weekly prescription with all the moving about in temporary accommodation I found it really hard to get my medication. I was trying to get help for my daughter and my mental health nurse had left who was a huge support for me. And I started to head down a dark path. I was also a victim of childhood sexual abuse which is why have no family for support the children's father was a no go due to domestic violence I got out of the relationship when he started to hit my son. I ended up trying to commit suicide. I begged social services for help and got no where but when my 16 year old daughter got pregnant at 13 that was when social services got involved after having her son she went into care to do a mum and baby assessment. During this time she was suffering with depression and was self harming. So they removed her son from her. She then got into drugs and alcohol she also tried to commit suicide too. I couldn't do anything to help her and I was at home looking after my other daughter. My youngest daughter has autism with sensory processing disorder but she was happy and settling in well in our new home and was making some good friends at school with my other daughter still in care. While she was in care she then made some allegations about me.
She told them that she had to steel my bank card to buy food and that I was taking drugs. She also told them that I was a alcoholic and that I made her watch me perform sexual acts.And that she was her sister's full time carer and was really worried about her sister being at home and unsafe with me. I understand why they had to take my youngest daughter into care as these are serious allegations that needed to be looked into. I held my hands up about alcohol and drugs but I have been clean for 18 years and I passed all my drug tests. I lost my grandmother on my birthday 3 years ago to cancer she was always there for me and stood by me though everything and then 3 months later I then lost my granny who passed away in my arms and I hold my hands up I slipped up by hitting the bottle for about a month.
I was cleared of all the allegations but social services seem to think I need to have relationship work, parenting work and counselling I have done all of this and I keep telling them my past is my past I don't want it keep being dragged up. I know I was not the best mum to my son has he was the one that had witness everything at such a young age with me and his father doing drugs drinking and then with his dad hitting me he saw and witnessed all of it. My 16-year-old daughter only witnessed the domestic violence and my youngest daughter I managed to protect from all of it she only met her biological father while being in care a year ago.
I understand how my mental health and physical health had affected my girls while we were in temporary accommodation but for two years I have been stable consistent with contact with seeing my girls I have a lovely farmhouse that I have made a home for me and my girls I take my my medication religiously as I know the importance and impact it has if I don't I buy all school uniform and supplies I paid for all the activities they do with me. And within the supervised contact social services said it's all good that I now have unsupervised contact.and at last hearing the judge phrased me and said that she is closing the case and that my youngest will be reunited with me outside of court I don't know what the timeline is for her to come home. And my 16 year old daughter if she stays in care will have to go into supported temporary accommodation till she can get her own place.

I hope this helps with the advice I need and thank you

Kind regards

@Rosiemar Kindly, I think what your daughter needs is stability and you don't seem to be able to offer that. Not trying to put you down but it seems like you need help for everything you've been through in life and you're not suited to help your daughter. If your children are put in to foster care it's because you're not capable of providing a safe environment for them. As a former social worker I know it takes a LOT to remove children from their parents so if you want to help your daughter tell her to stay where she is and work in school in order to have a future one day where she can be independent. If you love your children please accept that they might be better of not living with you.

While im sure you mean well she didn't ask for your opinion though and is posting on legal advice.
OP I don't have the answer. If the judge said the case was closed and you'd be reunited at some point, is there a care order still in place? I'd clarify that then seek further advice. It sounds like understandably you don't have a great relationship with social services from all the trauma you've experienced plus having so many changes of worker but I'd consider escalating to a manager and if there is an advocacy agency that can help, absolutely get in touch with them. I'm sorry I dont know children's services well. I wish you the best

Your daughter has a solicitor.... Talk to him/her and not the nosey buggers on here that have insisted you provide unnecessary detail to satisfy their sick curiosity

So...you now have the "very relevant" info you needed... When will you be providing your legal advice?.

Legal advice isn’t just about giving just legal advice. It’s about giving legal and appropriate advice. You’re not going to encourage someone to spend £20k on £1k debt for example.

There is huge difference between someone who has had their children removed because they were in a bad relationship which has now ended and someone who is struggling to stay stable and mentally well or, in this case, there is a history of sexual abuse. No right minded person will encourage someone in the latter to do XYZ when the reality is their children won’t be returned. However, someone in the former does have a better chance and they would benefit from advice on what to do.

So yes, these facts are very relevant. And your inability to see that and claim that everyone is just a nosy bugger shows how little you know.

She said the case was closed on the younger child or the older sister. She also said in the future she will be reunited with her these things don’t make sense together.

This is the legal advice board. Assuming the request for elaboration was made in good faith, material facts are necessary for legal advice.

I didn't ask for your opinion either🤷‍♀️. We're on a forum where you will get opinions if you post.

So... After getting the op to disclose all her "very relevant" personal history, you gave nothing other than this load of twaddle... You are a nosy bugger.

I completely agree with the person calling you out tbh. That poor woman and her children are victims that will likely never fully recover, she bared her soul because people asked her to like some sort of macabre game and now the same people have zero legal advice!

I don’t have any legal advice I’m sorry. I am also so sorry that you and your children have been through all that. I hope you all find some peace.

I can't help thinking your DD might do better in a foster placement where her carers can focus on encouraging her to pursue education and gain some qualifications. Also to try to give her some childhood where she can be carefree and not have to worry about responsibility. After your DD is 18 it will be her choice but it sounds like your DD might need more support than you can provide. Youifht be better served by making sure you keep progressing yourself and don't relapse. No reason why you can't have regular contact though.

The barrister said it’s basically up to your daughter, so if she wants to come home it sounds like she can (if it’s been cleared through social services, MASH, safeguarding etc). They may implement some boundaries, further support and want to monitor things between you and your daughter for a while before allowing your younger children to come home.

Difference here is that a VERY vulnerable woman was asked for more details and probably thought that would help her get legal advice!!!!!! Shame on anyone that asked for her to bare her soul just to judge her and give her nothing in return.

It’s very normal to ask for greater sense of context on a thread where the OP is asking for advice like this.

If your DD’s solicitor is applying for the care order to be dismissed then I guess the best course of action is to await that judgement. It sounds as though your barrister feels that this will be successful due to her age. Keep on at the solicitor to ask for updates.

So sorry to hear what you have gone through and the unacceptable revolving door of social workers. 27! That’s shocking! It’s also terrible that you don’t know the timeline for your 12 year old to be returned. Does your 12 year old have a solicitor?

I hope you and your girls are living together in your home soon.

I know this is a month old and things may have moved on but I couldn't read and not reply.

If she has a solicitor then she will be asking them to have the care order discharged. It's rare but not unknown for children to do this. Owing to her age it will be looked at differently to her 13 year old sister. She will be saying to the court that she no longer wants to be in the care of the local authority and has attained the age, level of understanding and mental capacity to be able to make this decision – and is fully aware of the consequences of her decision. They will ask if she has a plan of where she wants to live, such as returning to the care of their parent, live with a member of their wider family, or live independently. The court will likely appoint a children's guardian to provide a report giving the child's view but balanced with their professional opinion of the benefits and risks. The solicitor will also argue her case. There will also be a report from the local authority social worker. Then the judge decides.

Realistically, if she leaves care at 16 they're not likely to do much. However, if she's been looked after for more than 12 months she's legally classed as a care leaver and should be in touch with the local authority care leavers team. That will give her access to additional support through a personal adviser. Care leaver status comes with additional advantages such as help with costs if she goes into further or higher education.

Hope things work out for you.

I think your daughter needs to look at the bigger picture.

I would advise that she stay in consistent care elsewhere and that she completes training and education to learn skills that will allow her to be easily employed and make a much more successful and stable life for herself.
You, as her mother, should encourage her NOT to come home and insist that she stays and takes advantage of all educational avenues. Ask her where she wants to be when she is thirty - like you or out working, healthy and with sensible friends and the ability to be an equal partner in a family relationship.
The aim would be for no self harm, strong health, independent living, happy disposition and no need for social services to be involved due to her confidently treading a good path.

It is not your fault that your girls were attacked by a known carer. That was a terrible thing to happen but now they have the hard task of building upwards and onwards to the rest of their lives.
Cheer them on and be a support for when they find the going tough. Be loving, visit often and notice their achievemants.