House, dc, partner, wills.....how.do I work all this out?

[Stopthatknocking]

Hi, I have 2 DC. One is young adult and living independently. Other is older teenager, but due to disability, probably never going to be able to live independently.
Partner lives with me. He is not DC father.
House is mine alone, mortgage will be paid off in 5-7 years

I want to leave house to DC as it's my only asset. But I don't want partner to be homeless if he outlives me.

How do I even go about providing for my disabled DC, being fair to my older DC, and ensuring my partner has somewhere to live?
Current will splits everything 50/50 between children, but now partner lives with me, it's all got complicated.

I have no idea where to start.
Thanks

Does your partner work? Is he saving like mad since he doesn't have to pay rent or mortgage costs?
Your partner's future housing needs are his responsibility. He needs to take action now to prepare for his future.

How old are you? How old is your partner? Did he sell his own place to move in with you? Does he contribute financially? Does he work?

It's not so much financial, (well, it is a bit) but it's more that at our age we are likely to be together for around 30 years.
Then he gets to around 80, I die, and he has to move out of his home.

Seems unfair on him. He will be elderly by then

We are in our 50s. He will get money from his house in the future, his ex is in the process of.buying him.out.
We both work, similar salaries,and he contributes 50% to all bills and living expenses. I think this is generous, as it means he is essentially paying 50% to my younger dc's expenses when he is not obliged to.

I would start by having conversation with DC1 on whether they are willing to look after DC2 first, if not then conversation is needed with partner. There are Will specialists that can help you draw up what you want. I think your priority is who will look after DC2 and if they need to stay in your house.

DC1 will support dc2 in some ways, but that won't live together. Dc1 has made that clear.
Their childhood was very much dominated and restricted by dc2 needs and does not want their adult life to be the same.

If your younger DC is going to need life-long support, what do you envisage that will look like after your death? Would there be suitable state provision? Or would it be a question of your estate paying towards help for them in your home for many years? It doesn’t sound as if your children have equal needs, so in this situation I do not think a 50/50 split is necessarily essential.

Re your partner, if he is working, I agree with PP that he needs to make his own provision for his later years. It would not be reasonable to expect him in his old age to take on care of your disabled DC, and their needs will need to come first. If there was scope for downsizing once your older DC had left home, you could make a token contribution of cash and/or furniture at that point, towards him setting up his own property.

edited: just seen he will be getting money from his own property in due course. Therefore I think he should continue to cover half of living expenses at your home as a way of rent day to day, but not contribute towards any major household expenses such as renovation.

I would suggest that he uses his money to buy himself a rental or something, so that he maintains a foot on the property 'ladder' and has an asset.

Then your house is purely between your kids, however you choose to split it. Are there likely to be enough 'other assets' to offset half of the house, that could go to DC1 in lieu of dc2 keeping the house? Pension lump sum or anything?

Or could the house be sold to provide for a smaller one for dc2, and cash for dc2?

Have you spoken to a solicitor to draft a Will? They'll be able to help.

Something like Lifetime interest for your property for your DP, so he can remain living there until he dies but doesn't legally own it and then when he dies, ownership legally transfers to your beneficiaries/DC. Perhaps you can include a clause where DC2 will be living there as well (not sure).

Will you be looking at getting your youngest into some sort of supported living at some point?

You could grant life interest in house to partner so he wouldn’t be made homeless on your death, but then on his death your 2 DC will be able to sell the house.

What is he planning to do with funds from his house? Does he have DC?

I suggest that your partner buys a flat/small house or invests the money to buy the flat/small house (when ex wife buys him out) so that he can move there on your death and your house can be sold immediately so that DC2 can have their share of the money immediately to pay for their care

Do you think that within the next 30 years DC2 will have to move to a care facility of some sort?
As above for financing of this care after your death

I think your will should split your property/money 50/50 between your children, on your death

I hope that there will be some kind of supported living for dc2.
They won't need round the clock care, but will probably have the independence skills of about a 10/12 year old. So could be safe on thier own for a few hours, possibly get public transport if taught the specific routes and how to use the bus, need cooking for (unless living on pot noodles!) And need significant help with budgeting.
I am working on all this with them now, trying to teach skills, but I'm aware there will probably be a point when the ability to progress further is limited.

Partner will probably invest in a flat, as suggested, but I like the idea of giving him life interest in the hoise so he doesn't have to move out when he is old.

The situation regarding your partner isn’t complicated, you can write your will so that he has a lifetime interest in staying in the property but when he dies your DC inherit. How you split your estate between your 2 DC is harder if your house is your only asset.

Will DC inherit from their father? Could older DC downsize when the time comes and release equity that forms other DC inheritance?

If you give a life interest to your partner it could be many, many years before any proceeds from the property were available for your children. This seems a bit unnecessary if he has the money to buy his own property

With the life interest - what if you die at 58 and your bereaved partner lives to 90+? Your DCs would be waiting 30-40 years for their inheritance. What if your partner meets someone and she wants to move in?

Might it be better to make it a 2 year interest rather than a life interest? That gives him time to sort things out once the initial shock has subsided.

I completely understand why you’d want your lovely partner to be ok but like most of us whose spouses/partners are not the parent of our DCs, the DCs’ interests are the priority I guess. Especially when one has additional support needs.

Don't give him a life interest in the property. It could tie up your DC's inheritance for decades!

Have a think about what you would want to happen in various scenarios first, such as:

• what happens if you were to die young unexpectedly
• does that differ from if you were to die first in your 80s. How/why?
• what if both you and your partner die in an accident simultaneously?
• might you get married?

then talk to a solicitor. My will is made in anticipation of marriage (we plan to marry at some point and that stops the marriage making it null and void).

and keep under review - I think my will is right for now, but as circumstances change it might not be and I will need to make a new one

Normally a life interest or a right of occupation would be the best thing but your DC2's needs are a complication. The economy is going down the pan and there could be less and less money available for social care. So tying up his available cash might be a mistake. You will need a trust for his share in any event.

As you aren't married(?) and dont have the tax benefits a spouse would have, I would put your whole estate into a discretionary trust (take tax advice re the RNRB) with really good trustees that can assess needs at the relevant time. Eg they don't have to kick your DP out but he has no right of occupation. Your DS1 can have his inheritance out of the trust as soon as possible. Your DS2 will continue hopefully to get his means tested benefits if he doesn't inherit a chunk of cash outright. It just gives breathing space and flexibility.

Also life insurance might be an answer.

I have a slightly different take on this.
My Mum left a life interest in her will to say her partner could stay in the house until he dies and its been awful for all of us.
We are in limbo as we can't clear the house but we have no idea of its condition and who has access/keys etc and an 84 year old man is living in a house completely unsuited to his needs but as he has capacity and doesn't want to move he is stuck there. As he declines there is also a danger of him hurting himself or causing damage to the house
About 2 months before she died my Mum actually told me that if anything happened to her he would actually be better in a home but he is mostly alone with carers coming in and unable to access upstairs at all due to mobility issues. As he has a place to live and some money The Council wouldn't help find an alternative in any case.
It would have been better to give him 12 months there or nothing and we would have allowed him to stay for 12 months or similar.
Before anyone says we could do more for him we have no relationship with him other than as my Mums partner and he isn't a nice man. His daughters were estranged from him for many years, although one does keep a remote eye on him now. I would help in an emergency until his daughter could get there (she lives 4 hours away) but other than that I don't want to be involved with him at all.
So a life interest in a home when you are in your 80's is not always a good thing

All really.good points, Hoppinggreen.
At the moment, dc and partner get along really well. But that could change I guess.
I was also thinking how would it work if dc owned the house but he lived there. Such as rent, maintenance etc. I hadn't thought a out him needi g care when he was older.
So much to think about and this thread is helping
Thansk

I can see this situation is not great for you and I sympathise. But unless your mum was under duress or had no capacity, what was in her Will was what she wanted to happen to her own house. And she wanted her partner to have a home for the rest of his life so although you want your inheritance now, try and look at it from the perspective that her wishes are being followed. He should be under an obligation to maintain the house so the trustees should check that.

@StopthatknockingHe needs to accept he moves if you die. I agree a 2 year window is best or your dc will never see the money. You can revisit the will if dc moves into a sheltered living arrangement. He’s going to get money but why isn’t his ex getting a mortgage for instant payment to him? How is she buying him out? What’s the delay? He needs ti sort this out and buy somewhere. Revisit this if you marry.

She was not under duress I agree and when she made her will it was what she wanted but things changed and his behaviour deteriorated until they barely spoke or interacted but she felt too ill and tired to change her will and I didn't even want to suggest it (and didn't)
I think that the house IS being maintained to a certain standard but I can't be sure and if not it would be very hard to enforce
At no point did I say I wanted my inheritence, although I can see why you might assume that. I never expected anything as I thought her house would be sold to provide her care and I was more than happy for that to happen but she died suddenly.
The point of my post is that her partner is now stuck in a house unsuitable for him and he would genuinely better better in a Home, I know not everyone is , for my Mum it would have been her worst nightmare but for him specifically it would be better and he is actually trapped by being able to live there indefinitely.
We would never have just turfed him out but he and his daughter could have begun a process to move him somewhere more suitable after some time.

you can put a clause in the will that states he has the right to live their for his lifetime

All I can tell you is that my children will probably have to wait about 30 years to inherit from their father. You can't rule out dying young I'm afraid. I think he needs to be looking at where he's going to live rather than you having to think about this.