Divorcing and husband put house on market without my permission?

[jay789]

Married 20 years, only one child still at home. House in both names. Divorce process only at the very beginning, nothing official yet no consent order etc.
Husband has put the family home on the market, I knew nothing about this until sign went up. Rang estate agents and they had no idea he has a wife.
He refuses to speak to me at all. Adult children say he’s already put a deposit down on a new build somewhere.
I do want to sell the house and move on, but no settlement is agreed yet, I guess it will be 50/50 but I’m worried all this is happening not following the correct process.
Can anyone offer any advice? I am booked in with the solicitor.

Make sure your name is on the deeds, if it’s not then register your interest (home protection rights or something) at the land registry. Let the estate agent know you won’t be signing any sales documents or agreeing any offers until the finances have been agreed. Would you be able to buy him out? You could also sell but leave the entire equity with the solicitor to be distributed once the finances have been agreed. You’d both need to agree the sale price, the conveyancing solicitor and be able to house yourselves in the short term without any equity though.

We still share bank and savings accounts.

You need to close these out asap.
You need the bank to remove any credit or overdraft from the joint accounts.
And find out if you can close the accounts on your own without his approval.

If you contributed equally in building up the savings take half of the money (if its still there) from the savings and open a person account with no links to the old accounts (I would use a new bank)

Get the last 13 months of bank statements and go through and ID any Direc Debit or other payment which are yours or which are for housing costs and stop them at the provider (use your new account) and by blocking them on the old accounts.

Once your bit is done give him a short timeframe for him to transfer his banking into a solo account and close off the joint name accounts.

Where are your savings? I’d move half now. Solicitors often advise to spend, spend, spend any cash savings. Protect the half!

Yep. He could empty them at any point (as could you).

Open a new bank account with another bank (ideally not one with the same banking group), not the same one as you currently bank with otherwise it may get linked to the joint account.
Make an official complaint to the estate agent. (Is there an ombudsman for estate agents. If there is then drop that in to the conversation).

Your children have told you he's put a deposit on a new house. Unless you saw this deduction from your joint savings account, he clearly has more money that you don't know of.

Exactly this. Please tell us you have a good solicitor.

We were initially using the same solicitor as he said we didn’t need to have two if we were just agreeing it all amicably for 50/50.
As far as I was aware he doesn’t have any other savings, but I haven’t seen anything come out of the joint accounts for a deposit on a new build…
I did give up work for a few years with the children, then went to university to get my career.
It was my choice to end the relationship and he wasn’t happy.
He comes home from work every night and shuts himself in his room, he refuses to talk to me at all.

Mine did the same. How he got away with it I don’t know, but he sold it from underneath me and it was in both our names

The savings were mostly built up by me. My husband is more of a spender whereas I am much more frugal. But I understand they will be split fairly, same with the house. My husband has probably paid more towards that over the years due to me being out raising the kids. The deposit though, which was substantial came from me.

Clearly now you need your own solicitor. Prioritise that or he will try and hide / get more of the family money.

Clearly he has bank accounts you don't know about, with a substantial amount of money stashed away if he's able to put down deposits on other houses without your knowing. You need to wake up, recognise ise that he is not on your side here, and protect yourself.

You definitely need separate solicitors. A solicitor who will do the best for you. Wait for the financial order, as others have said. It quite often starts out amicably where one partner agrees to split everything 50/50, but that can change after the process has started. It sounds like your husband is hurting by his behaviour and might want to make the divorce process difficult going forward, so you need good legal advice.

Just to add, you can sell the house and have the money protected and held in escrow until you agree the % split.

People don't act in such a sneaky way for no reason. He will have some kind of motive for this.

Where are you living just now?

Stop just doing what he says.

This just leaves you open to getting screwed over.

Get independent legal advice.

This. Apologies op, but if it helps you to wake up and smell the coffee, it is always a good thing.

Tell the agent you are not doing any viewings until the full financial side is agreed, and get a solicitor, being lazy about this can leave you struggling for years and years to come.

Get your own valuations done on the house.
Get your own solicitor. (I'm surprised his solicitor will act for you both. This is not usually the case. Unless this is just what DH told you.)
Clear out your joint accounts before he does.
Has his deposit come from your savings?
Understand that he is no longer your friend and does not have your best interests at heart. Don't trust him.

How do you define fairly? 50/50 can be quite unfair sometimes.

I'm surprised his solicitor will act for you both. This is not usually the case. Unless this is just what DH told you.

They can’t because they would clearly be in conflict against one person or the other on a regular basis.
eg they could support you getting a bigger share than 50% or negotiate a share of his pension etc…. Which would go against his interests.

Btw if your dh has chosen the solicitor and is paying them, HE is the client. They’re going to put things that in HIS interests. Not yours.

Yu also need advice re the joint account and savings (?).
The fact it’s still joint is putting you at risk.
At the very least, you need your iwn account (you’ll need it anyway) and have your wage going there. Then move whatever is needed onto the joint account to pay for the mortgage etc…. But just that.

How have the EA valued your house? Have they been inside without your knowledge? You need to get the locks changed!

I think because you both do want the house sold and to move on with your lives, that I would be calling the EA just to inform them that you are the joint owner, a divorce is in process and so while you will both consider offers, no completion can happen until the financial order/a split agreed in writing has happened.

House sales take ages and this is the time of year you will get the highest price.

Yes you could demand it be taken off the market as it was done without your explicit permission, but why act against what you want just to make a point?