Deceitful behaviour from school - don't know where to turn

[godofthunder24]

Hi,

My son's school denied him access for 3 days last year due to his mum having COVID. Following our own research we determined that it was unlawful for the school to deny access for this reason.

Once we presented the legal advice to the school they changed their advice and altered their criteria for allowing my son back into school. It seems very clear to me that they were concerned about the repercussions of unlawful actions and tried to misrepresent their original instructions.

I complained to the school and I've gone through the complaints process with the chair of governors, a complaints panel and the DfE.

The governors have consistently provided inaccurate information during the complaints process which I strongly believe is their attempt to cover up the schools original actions. The governors have access to all of the evidence which is in email form but they continue to misrepresent that evidence.

The DfE have confirmed that the decision to deny access was unlawful.

The Local Authority are not willing to do any other than ensure the school is adhering to the complaints process from now forwards.

I am literally sick to death of feeling wronged by the school and not having a channel that will listen to me and go through the evidence in sufficient detail.

I don't really want to go down the legal route myself but feel like I'm running out of options. Would be great to hear any advice from someone in the know or someone who has been through something similar.

Many thanks,
Ian.

Since July..... Wow.

Let. It. Go.

All of what stress though? The stress you have caused yourself by blowing this out of all proportion? And what will an apology actually gain you?

Its being lied to by the school and governors that I can't stand. It's not the unlawful exclusion itself but the fact that that the headteacher, chair of governors and governors panel have all provided statements that are untrue and the evidence is there to show it.

Let it go Elsa

Been going on because you have perpetuated it perhaps? I fear you are now “one of those parents” and your relationship with the school irrevocably damaged. Sadly it will probably be your son who suffers the consequences, how old is he? Have you thought about moving to another school?

Lawyer up Ian I am sure a legal team will be interested in this gross miscarriage of justice.

.............and to apologise for causing all of this stress

What stress?

I'm genuinely puzzled about this, Ian.

But carry on. You may end up with a thread which makes it to MN Classics.

Op does your son have special needs? I just wondered due to your use of the term 'illegal exclusion' and it would explain your upset with the school. If the relationship with school has got this bad I would recommend moving if possible, obviously unless your son is really happy at the school.

Are you saying that apologies are worthless?

Op I can see that you are upset and of course people in official positions do sometimes lie (assuming just for now that you are right about this). I think it is your sense of justice that is struggling here.

I do understand because I experienced a lie told by a healthcare professional and it was quite an important lie saying they had done something they just didn’t do. Everyone in my family was there so we know they didn’t do it. Telling the truth would have shown they had provided poor care, so they lied.

However, luckily I wasn’t harmed by their actions (even though it was poor practice) so I chose to let it go. Sometimes this is just the only practical and pragmatic thing to do and I would recommend this course of action to you.

Do you mind me asking if you get very anxious, very focused on things or struggle to relax generally?

Are you saying that an apology will make you stop obsessing about this non-event?

People are saying it's not worth caring so much when an apology isn't forthcoming. What difference would it make to you now? You could've put this all behind you months ago and been free of the distress.

Apologies extracted under duress are worthless, yes.
And you’re not getting one anyway. Move on.

Thanks everyone for your candid feedback and it seems like you would all pretty much let it go. If you saw the quality (or lack of) of the chair of governors report which contained several statements which are blatantly untrue it would be hard to accept it. The governors panel then upheld the chair of governors report. Why would I accept that? Why couldn't the school just accept that they had unlawfully excluded my son like I asked originally? They might have amended their policy but all I'm asking for is for them to accept some responsibility which they haven't done at all.

Sounds like a storm in a teacup, have you nothing better to do? I'm sure the school has more important stuff to deal with, and you are probably making your child's life miserable.

Seriously, Ian - this is so bad for you.

Let. It. Go.

Life is so short. Surely you have more important things to do than stress over this? And more important lessons to teach your son. Take all that negative energy and stress and anger and channel it into a positive experience with your son. Because right now he’s learning from you how to be angry, petty, vengeful and desperate to be proved right. None of those are good qualities.

May be the school could have handed it better, more transparently?

But its happened, move on.

Sometimes in school there are events that impinge on pupils for reasons that can't be disclosed publicly.

Maybe they'd had a death and it was too raw? Maybe another pupil or teacher around your son was particularly vulnerable?

Not covid but a school I worked in 20 years ago shared a community gym and pool. One day the Head announced that he was closing public access during school hours with immediate effect. Big upset in the community, newspapers, public meetings etc. The Head was vague about his reasons - which made some matters worse.

What he couldn't say was that the open access (even though there were separate public and school changing rooms) had led to our PE staff finding happy adult wanderers in the wrong ones, that we'd had gang members wandering the school premises looking to sort out scores with some of our pupils. No child came to harm or was at risk - but the head couldn't openly state the problem.

All sorted with gates, locked doors, fences and revised opening time. Everyone happy.

May be there were reasons that your son and others(?) were excluded. Albeit clumsily and tactlessly.

Ian won’t let it go.
Ian needs to be seen to be right.
Ian might want to look up pyrrhic victory.

You absolutely need to let this go. What a waste of your energy.

But not to be rude, what difference will it make ?

they were wrong. They lied. But it’s not important and no one died.

let it go and focus on spending nice time with your family.

I dread to think what impact your inability to let it go is having on your child. Please find them a new school if you can’t let it go but you want to protect them from your issues.

I bet your kid was happy to have 3 days off. I think you should take one too! 😆

If you don't feel you can trust the school then move your son.

Otherwise let it go.

They had, by the sound of it, an outdated COVID policy. They have now updated it.

Your son lost 3 days of school last year. Mildly annoying, but nothing more.

The 3 days that my son was excluded were during his last week at the school before moving up to secondary school. He was really upset to miss out on all the parties and cool activities. There is no way I would have gone to these lengths if he was still attending the same school.