Relationship Breakup and Child Custody - help needed

[Gdrhbxfhcg]

DBrother and his gf have been together around 10yrs and have 2 children together (7 and 8 years old). Not married.

Living together in a house purchased outright as tenants in common.

Relationship has broken down and they need to go their separate ways (urgently as relationshiphas got very toxic). Neither work and neither can afford to buy somewhere else with the money they would get from the sale of the house.

Gf now wants to take the children back to her home town 3+ hours away. Both parents are heavily involved and would want 50/50 custody. Can gof just up and leave with the children? DB would not be able to afford to move to her home town and contact would be very difficult (can't afford travel and hotels etc to visit)

DB is disabled and cannot deal with these issues on his own so I'm going to have to try to take him to see a solicitor ASAP (tricky with my schedule and we don't live close). He's worried about going to court as he thinks the court could order that gf and dc could stay in the house until the dc are 18 and he will have no money as the house can't be sold until then. Is this true?

I know we really really need to see a solicitor ASAP and I'm working on it but grateful for any advice/pointers in the meantime

If your brother has such deep depression and anxiety that he is classed as disabled and unfit for any kind of employment, I struggle to see how he can properly care for his children. You say he couldn't even have a phone call regarding benefits. How could he engage with school/doctors etc for the children? I don't know what the solution is here but this sounds like a really rubbish situation for the poor children. I would get social services involved. The children may be better in some form of care.

No the family are several hours away and it would have to only be a temporary stay so doesn't fix much other than the immediate turmoil in the house

What is the family situation she wants to move too would it offer support

this isn’t an easy answered one and certainly I think even if he does go to court if the family support is in place when she is going it could be seen as the best choice

The best option would be for gf and kids to stay in the house and db to rent nearby and claim housing benefit.

Because neither work they will really struggle to sell up and adequately house the dc.

I don't think there's any way he will go for that option but it seems the most feasible.

@Gdrhbxfhcg I am going to ask a brutal question here because I think this is the crux of it all.

is it better for your brother/his priority for his health to

(a) have regular 50/50 contact with his children
(b) stay in the house

and the honest answer, not the answer you want to here or assume would be the answer most of us should give but honestly what is best for him to get himself settled and in a good frame of mind

and then see from there

Housing Benefit does not exist for under pension age tenants. He could claim rent element of Universal Credit. However assuming the equity in the house is more than £16k then this capital will prevent him from claiming UC unless the house is on the market where there is a 6 month disregard. Of course once funds are released from the sale his claim would fail.

Citizens Advice is a good first step to ensure he is claiming all the benefits he is entitled to now, and his options with regard to future housing (will depend on where in the country he is in terms of availability / priority). I think he needs to tackle these two issues before he starts thinking about housing his children as without some income and a roof over his head the children’s needs will not be satisfied

That's a hard question and I'm not sure which would be best for him, i think I'd err towards the children even if it wasn't 50/50. I don't think he will be able to choose either though which is partly why this has gone on for so long. He wants it all

Yes but he can’t - they can’t live together and it is a joint asset they either need to sell it or she moves somewhere she can which I guess is where this decision comes from this is the place she goes it is just happens to be far away.

it is hard and I think some professional social services help is also needed not court

There have been cases whereby the home is kept, each parent has the children 50/50, and the children stay living full time in the home.
Whatever the 50/50 schedule is, the parent whose turn it is stays at the home and moves out when it's the other parents turn. They can stay with friends/family during that time.
Would that be something they would consider?

I guess that's a possibility

My suggestion for what it's worth is that for one or both of them if they separate the house could become a major problem when whoever isn't living in it claims benefit.

One thing I would look at is that the donor's who put up the money consider reclaiming it so it doesn't mess up your brother's claim

Nothing to say of course that it can't be used to benefit him his ex partner or their children in the future but just to prevent it having to be used for living costs

This would only happen if they were married, as part of divorce proceedings. As they are not, the house could be sold and each use their share (depends how this was set up at purchase) to rent in the future.

so he can't work, he won't be able to provide for his children, he can't even call a solicitor without your help but you are against the mother moving to her home town where she can have support, children will be happier? Better for the children to move there and for your DB grow up and be a man, go to work and visit his children instead of having 50/50 just because he wants to keep receiving benefits...