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Someone filmed my daughter using the toilet

62 replies

edmel · 06/04/2025 10:46

I could really use some advice for my daughter who is currently feeling helpless and unheard.

Just over a week ago, she was using the toilet at work. It is a fully self-contained cubicle (with wash basin etc) with a door that opens straight onto a communal corridor. She told me that there used to be a second door between the toilet and the door leading into the corridor, but it was damaged, taken away, and never replaced.

While using the toilet, she saw a hand under the door holding a phone, filming her. She videoed the hand/phone, knowing that as soon as she got up, the person would quickly move away from the door. She wanted proof.

As she started filming them, the person - as predicted - fled.

She took the footage straight to her employer, and the police were called.

Within moments of this event, a colleague noticed another colleague (male) rushing back to his seat, white faced. She thought his behaviour strange at the time. When it was revealed what had happened to my daughter, she reported him.

His phone case matched the one in the video.

The police promised he would be prosecuted, and my daughter - absolutely traumatised by the entire thing - was given paid leave.

Despite assurances from the police, she received a text from them on Friday (not even a phone call) to say there was not enough evidence and that a prosecution would not be going ahead.

Her employer is now saying she must return to work - alongside this man.

She is devastated and does not know what way to turn. No one has been held to account, and she is expected to carry on as usual, knowing someone (highly likely this man) has this footage of her.

Can anyone recommend who to turn to?

OP posts:
Goonie1 · 07/04/2025 16:25

rwalker · 06/04/2025 12:03

The problem the employer faces is when they raise a case against him his defence will be the police investigation cleared me ( we all know being cleared and not enough evidence is 2 separate things)
there isn’t a way to prove nobody else doesn’t have the same case

I’m sure life will be extremely uncomfortable for him I can’t imagine he’ll be there long

but in the mean time grievance procedure and if she gets sick pay she need to ring in sick

With the employer, it doesn’t matter if the police didn’t take it further; criminal and employment law are very different. The John Terry racism situation is a good example of this.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/04/2025 16:27

thepariscrimefiles · 07/04/2025 15:53

She doesn't have to say who she thinks did it but she surely has every right to tell people what happened to her and to show them the photo that she took proving that someone was filming her in the toilet.

All the women in the workplace are at risk of this happening to them so they need to be aware of the danger.

This is what I was thinking. The photo is proof that someone filmed her on the loo. If she doesn’t name names, the perpetrator can’t complain without outing himself as the pervert. The WhatsApp suggestion wasn’t a good one, perhaps, but she has every right, surely, to tell anyone and everyone what was done to her.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 07/04/2025 16:32

1SillySossij · 07/04/2025 15:01

Did the police not examine his phone for footage and deleted footage ? I don't think the phone case being the same is enough evidence.

Surely it is enough evidence if nobody else had the same phone case.

SwanOfThoseThings · 07/04/2025 18:42

MounjaroOnMyMind · 07/04/2025 16:32

Surely it is enough evidence if nobody else had the same phone case.

You can't prove a negative - that no one else had that model of phone case. The perpetrator could have disguised his phone by putting a phone case on just for that act; or it could have been done by a visitor to the office. It would be regarded as circumstantial evidence at best.

ItsFreedomBabyYeah · 07/04/2025 18:51

Gosh, how awful for your daughter. Absolutely disgraceful behaviour from her employer. I hope she can find some justice.

Pinkissmart · 07/04/2025 18:57

Lots of very sensible advice.

I'd be tempted to make a poster of him using his phone, and a still of the video with an appropriate caption, and leave one on his desk, and the desk of everyone around him.

Shame on the company

B1indEye · 07/04/2025 19:03

Pinkissmart · 07/04/2025 18:57

Lots of very sensible advice.

I'd be tempted to make a poster of him using his phone, and a still of the video with an appropriate caption, and leave one on his desk, and the desk of everyone around him.

Shame on the company

You do have to wonder about the culture of the company where someone thought that theyd get away with this. There's no way that a woman sitting on a toilet wouldn't have noticed a hand with a phone sticking under the door, did he think he'd be safe from repercussions?

LittleBigHead · 07/04/2025 19:39

edmel · 07/04/2025 11:48

Thank you everyone, for your advice. She is calling ACAS today - unfortunately, she's not a union member. She will also call an employment lawyer. She was grateful for all your messages as - up to now - she felt that no one really understood how traumatic the entire event and the aftermath has been.

Your DD's a hero =- tell her that from a random internet stranger. What her colleague did was sexual assault. No bones about that!

skipdiddyskip · 07/04/2025 19:45

I’m so sorry, just reading this story fills me with rage, I can’t imagine how you both must be feeling.

When I was in a similar situation I actually googled the guy and found out accidentally that he had a criminal record. Reported
it to HR and he was sacked for lying (why they didn’t check his background I still don’t know). It still fills me with rage that he never paid for what he did to me, even years later.

Theres no smoke without fire though, try looking him up to see
if there’s any dirt.

1SillySossij · 07/04/2025 20:21

1SillySossij · 07/04/2025 15:01

Did the police not examine his phone for footage and deleted footage ? I don't think the phone case being the same is enough evidence.

Please could I repeat this, question to the OP. Surely they would have taken his phone away for investigation?

NeedToAskPlease · 03/05/2025 21:14

@edmel - how is your daughter?

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