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Original poster

Someone filmed my daughter using the toilet

62 replies

edmel · 06/04/2025 10:46

I could really use some advice for my daughter who is currently feeling helpless and unheard.

Just over a week ago, she was using the toilet at work. It is a fully self-contained cubicle (with wash basin etc) with a door that opens straight onto a communal corridor. She told me that there used to be a second door between the toilet and the door leading into the corridor, but it was damaged, taken away, and never replaced.

While using the toilet, she saw a hand under the door holding a phone, filming her. She videoed the hand/phone, knowing that as soon as she got up, the person would quickly move away from the door. She wanted proof.

As she started filming them, the person - as predicted - fled.

She took the footage straight to her employer, and the police were called.

Within moments of this event, a colleague noticed another colleague (male) rushing back to his seat, white faced. She thought his behaviour strange at the time. When it was revealed what had happened to my daughter, she reported him.

His phone case matched the one in the video.

The police promised he would be prosecuted, and my daughter - absolutely traumatised by the entire thing - was given paid leave.

Despite assurances from the police, she received a text from them on Friday (not even a phone call) to say there was not enough evidence and that a prosecution would not be going ahead.

Her employer is now saying she must return to work - alongside this man.

She is devastated and does not know what way to turn. No one has been held to account, and she is expected to carry on as usual, knowing someone (highly likely this man) has this footage of her.

Can anyone recommend who to turn to?

OP posts:
Zippityjumpingbean · 07/04/2025 13:46

That’s disgusting, your poor dd!
I agree with other posters, regardless of criminal prosecutions the employer have a duty of care. Your dd was sexually harassed in her workplace and will obviously feel unsafe coming back. They need to be putting support in place.
i’m quite shocked that he’s still working there.

MalleusMaleficarumm · 07/04/2025 13:49

How awful for your DD ☹️ agree with the others, raise an official grievance with the employer and get legal advice from acas. That must be incredibly distressing for DD to have to go back to work with him, would hazard a guess it’s not the first time he’s done it either

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/04/2025 13:50

Is there a work WhatsApp group, @edmel? Could your dd post a still of the phone under the door, and ‘warn’ other staff members that someone is doing this at work - that might make this creep a pariah.

PBicecream · 07/04/2025 13:53

RainingRoses · 06/04/2025 10:59

Putting aside the criminal case, she now needs to raise a grievance for sexual harassment in the workplace and include their failure to protect her as part of her complaint.

Yes, agree with this advice. Absolutely needs to be raised as sexual harassment in the workplace. So sorry this has happened to your daughter.

C152 · 07/04/2025 14:01

God, that's awful! I think at the very least, the employer has a duty to limit the risk of that happening again by replacing the toilet door with one that goes all the way to the floor and by replacing the door to the corridor that was damaged and removed.

DY10DY11 · 07/04/2025 14:11

Seems a weak response from the police. I would kick up fuss on that front too. Police commissioner? Mp?

This story happened near me. If police didn't check his harddrive then he'd have got away with it and seems less evidence than your daughter initially!

www.worcesternews.co.uk/news/19244121.worcester-upskirt-pervert-full-story-court/

MalleusMaleficarumm · 07/04/2025 14:24

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/04/2025 13:50

Is there a work WhatsApp group, @edmel? Could your dd post a still of the phone under the door, and ‘warn’ other staff members that someone is doing this at work - that might make this creep a pariah.

This is not a good idea. She is potentially going to get herself into trouble with the employer for discussing a confidential issue with other employees

EasterOnTheHorizon · 07/04/2025 14:26

Dear God! Can we sink any lower?

Poor girl, that is bloody awful, and shame on the company for “going along” with this.

What is the matter with these men? Seriously?
I generally don’t mind men, the majority seem to be ok… but you hear so much of this perverted weirdo behaviour lately, that it makes me question men I have known for years. How many of these men are like this?

I don’t feel safe anymore…. And that’s a sad thing.

Hope your DD is ok, sending strength to her 🌺

MounjaroOnMyMind · 07/04/2025 14:28

MalleusMaleficarumm · 07/04/2025 14:24

This is not a good idea. She is potentially going to get herself into trouble with the employer for discussing a confidential issue with other employees

Show quote history

While I wouldn't put anything on a WhatsApp chat (as that could be used against me) I would defend any woman's right to tell other women she works with what's happened to her and to show them the photos, too.

muggart · 07/04/2025 14:36

MalleusMaleficarumm · 07/04/2025 14:24

This is not a good idea. She is potentially going to get herself into trouble with the employer for discussing a confidential issue with other employees

Show quote history

wow what a world we live in when this is actually a possibility :(

cestlaviecherie · 07/04/2025 14:42

muggart · 07/04/2025 14:36

wow what a world we live in when this is actually a possibility :(

Show quote history

It's more likely that the person would take legal action as there's no proof it was him. Allegedly.

I don't know why someone would do that though because it would be obvious they'd be seen by the person on the loo, like what else were they expecting?

skyeisthelimit · 07/04/2025 14:44

She needs to go to HR and also get the ACAS advice so that she is fully prepared.

She could raise a sexual harassment complaint against him. They also need to replace the toilet door .

The employer needs to take action against him. There was evidence, just not enough for a police prosecution. The CPS has to be sure they can make it stick or they won't proceed.

Brefugee · 07/04/2025 14:46

edmel · 07/04/2025 11:48

Thank you everyone, for your advice. She is calling ACAS today - unfortunately, she's not a union member. She will also call an employment lawyer. She was grateful for all your messages as - up to now - she felt that no one really understood how traumatic the entire event and the aftermath has been.

it won't help for now, but for future your daughter (everyone, really) should join a union.

it may also be an idea to remind everyone at her work that Dominique Pélicot was caught because of upskirting...

Tvp123 · 07/04/2025 14:52

Even if the police do nothing it does not mean the perpetrator cannot be disciplined. I have a friend who was sensually harassed with no witnesses and the perpetrator got fired. They hired an external law firm to complete an investigation.
Does you daughter work for a small company? This doesn't seem like the response of a big company with a decent HR team.
Also, re the lawyer, check if her home insurance has any legal cover to pay fees.

1SillySossij · 07/04/2025 15:01

Did the police not examine his phone for footage and deleted footage ? I don't think the phone case being the same is enough evidence.

LIZS · 07/04/2025 15:02

Can she submit a grievance?

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:24

She needs to make a civil claim. The burden of proof is lower.

B1indEye · 07/04/2025 15:35

User415373 · 07/04/2025 13:16

This is awful. Lots of advices here but I just wondering what kind of industry it is? I don't think I've even seen a toilet with open top/bottom open directly into a public space and as a workplace I don't understand how they can do that.

I used to work somewhere that the toilets were shared with members of the public who came into the premises and this situation could easily have happened if no one else was in the area at the time. There were cubicles with a communal sink area outside that anyone could go into

There were separate toilets for men and women so less likely to happen but definitely possible, I hadn't thought about any issues before now

B1indEye · 07/04/2025 15:37

MalleusMaleficarumm · 07/04/2025 14:24

This is not a good idea. She is potentially going to get herself into trouble with the employer for discussing a confidential issue with other employees

Show quote history

Why would it be confidential, are you saying that we can't talk about sexual harassment at work with work colleagues? I dont suppose she'd be naming names

MalleusMaleficarumm · 07/04/2025 15:46

B1indEye · 07/04/2025 15:37

Why would it be confidential, are you saying that we can't talk about sexual harassment at work with work colleagues? I dont suppose she'd be naming names

Show quote history

Because if the employer is investigating and OPs daughter is perceived to be naming/shaming before they have finished, the fact that the police are not pursuing it could give the perpetrator grounds to take some sort of legal action against both the DD and the employer for making unsubstantiated claims about their character.

I wholeheartedly believe this happened, but we live in a world where a lot of people don’t and I hate the idea that this would come back to bite the OPs daughter in the bum if she isn’t careful.

thepariscrimefiles · 07/04/2025 15:53

MalleusMaleficarumm · 07/04/2025 14:24

This is not a good idea. She is potentially going to get herself into trouble with the employer for discussing a confidential issue with other employees

Show quote history

She doesn't have to say who she thinks did it but she surely has every right to tell people what happened to her and to show them the photo that she took proving that someone was filming her in the toilet.

All the women in the workplace are at risk of this happening to them so they need to be aware of the danger.

B1indEye · 07/04/2025 15:59

MalleusMaleficarumm · 07/04/2025 15:46

Because if the employer is investigating and OPs daughter is perceived to be naming/shaming before they have finished, the fact that the police are not pursuing it could give the perpetrator grounds to take some sort of legal action against both the DD and the employer for making unsubstantiated claims about their character.

I wholeheartedly believe this happened, but we live in a world where a lot of people don’t and I hate the idea that this would come back to bite the OPs daughter in the bum if she isn’t careful.

Show quote history

There's no need for her to name and shame though, how would reporting factly what happened to her colleagues get her into any kind of trouble?

LetMeGoogleThat · 07/04/2025 16:00

As well as all the advice given, has your daughters employer got an EAP scheme? If so, she could get free legal advice, employment advice and some counselling!

They have a duty of care.

Goonie1 · 07/04/2025 16:20

RainingRoses · 06/04/2025 10:59

Putting aside the criminal case, she now needs to raise a grievance for sexual harassment in the workplace and include their failure to protect her as part of her complaint.

This.

In criminal law, you need a case to prove beyond all reasonable doubt, which is why sometimes, guilty people walk free (mistakenly people think such people are innocent whereas that’s not necessarily the case!) However, in employment law, its based on the balance of probability, so although the police may not have had enough evidence for criminal proceedings, the employers could potentially have enough to put him through the disciplinary process.

It’s got to have been someone in the workplace, your daughter has video evidence of it happening. Is there a possibility it could’ve been someone else?

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