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Original poster

Ex Husband on bail but it’s ME who isn’t allowed at the house?

36 replies

Fibblet · 03/04/2025 15:04

Looking for ideas and advice really…
I’m into year 4 of a hellish divorce. He’s been extremely unpleasant and stubborn about everything and we are heading for court in September.

Meanwhile, on advice, I reported him for domestic abuse and coercive control. He was charged and there will be a trial at some point. His bail conditions are not to approach or contact me.

The house is jointly owned and we have equal occupancy rights. He has however changed the locks and refuses to give me keys and I have been staying at a friend’s house most nights as a temporary thing but have always looked after the garden and I need to work at home (I am a music teacher with 30 pupils) so I’ve been at the house most days and it is still my address.

I want to live in the house, and am fighting for it in court, as I need it for my work and I also paid the biggest share of it. He is in the house and will not leave. I turned up this morning after giving him 3 hours notice, and he called the police, and they arrived and told me I could be in trouble for ‘inciting him to break his bail conditions’ and that I should stay away!

I have possessions there and a classic car and a huge garden to care for and I need the house to live in and work from. He has six other houses and can work from anywhere. They told me I can’t even cut the lawn as he could report me if it makes him feel unsafe!

I am really confused - can anyone advise?

OP posts:
Mumofoneandone · 03/04/2025 15:11

How come he's been bailed to your joint property - especially considering the charges against him - particularly when he has other properties and your joint house is your place of work.
Although I've never been in this situation, possibly contact woman's aid for support and possibly get legal advice. Don't believe he's allowed to change the locks either when you both have rights to the property.

CombatBarbie · 03/04/2025 15:18

Very strange he was bailed to the family home, especially if he has other properties and you don't. My ex was bailed to his girlfriends.

Ask for a review of the bail conditions, you should have a letter with contact details on

Original poster
Fibblet · 03/04/2025 15:43

I phoned and asked for a review of bail conditions and was told the conditions do not say who stays where, it’s a civil matter regarding who stays in the house and to fight it out with lawyers…. not helpful! I’m suffering more due to this that the nasty behaviour I was subject to in the first place! It’s really hard to understand…

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 03/04/2025 15:46

The problem is that you left, and he stayed, so you can't now just turn up and force him to leave or breach his bail conditions. If the bail conditions don't include a bail address that's separate to your joint one (which they should have done! This seems to be an oversight) then he isn't breaching by staying in the house. In this case it's a matter of possession being 9/10 of the law and he currently possesses the right to live in the house.

But! You can apply for an occupation order. Have you had legal advice?

Cucy · 03/04/2025 15:53

His bail conditions are not to approach or contact me.

When he got arrested and released, why did you not phone the police when he tried coming home?

It may be easier and faster for you to divorce and sell the house.

You obviously can’t live in the same home as him and you shouldn’t be going there at all when he’s there.
But I don’t understand how he even was able to come home when you were still there.

Richandstrange · 03/04/2025 15:56

If (as it seems from PP's replies) it's unusual/an oversight for him to have been bailed to your shared address I wonder if a complaint to/about the police would help at all. If they've failed to follow procedure then that should be addressed and rectified surely? Rights of Women might be worth a call too, I'll post a link in case you want to try them OP. If you can get it clarified/confirmed that the police have fucked up by bailing him to your address then your MP might also be worth a try, they can sometimes get the police moving when a member of the public keeps hitting a brick wall. It does seem ludicrous that you're in this situation, I really hope someone can help you get it sorted.

Original poster
Fibblet · 03/04/2025 16:39

I should clarify- when he was charged he had ALREADY locked me out and so I wasn’t actually there. It’s all incredibly complicated and this is year 4, divorce court date is September.

OP posts:
Serpentstooth · 03/04/2025 16:46

Your solicitor can give you good advice. Contact him or her, it's a ridiculous situation and a mishap that needs attention.

Smartiepants79 · 03/04/2025 16:47

How longs since you lived there?? If the divorce is taking 4 years? Has it been 4 years living elsewhere?

Original poster
Fibblet · 03/04/2025 17:25

Smartiepants79 · 03/04/2025 16:47

How longs since you lived there?? If the divorce is taking 4 years? Has it been 4 years living elsewhere?

Goodness no, I was last there in August overnight and I’ve been there almost daily gardening. You have to be absent 2 years to lose occupancy rights.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 03/04/2025 18:06

You must apply for an occupation order under the Family Law Act. The court can force him to leave. See a solicitor.

Original poster
Fibblet · 03/04/2025 18:15

Collaborate · 03/04/2025 18:06

You must apply for an occupation order under the Family Law Act. The court can force him to leave. See a solicitor.

I’ve emailed the solicitor. Really hoping it will work- after all, he has six houses including his previous two homes, and he earns ten times my income.

OP posts:
LeonardBobby · 03/04/2025 18:32

Richandstrange · 03/04/2025 15:56

If (as it seems from PP's replies) it's unusual/an oversight for him to have been bailed to your shared address I wonder if a complaint to/about the police would help at all. If they've failed to follow procedure then that should be addressed and rectified surely? Rights of Women might be worth a call too, I'll post a link in case you want to try them OP. If you can get it clarified/confirmed that the police have fucked up by bailing him to your address then your MP might also be worth a try, they can sometimes get the police moving when a member of the public keeps hitting a brick wall. It does seem ludicrous that you're in this situation, I really hope someone can help you get it sorted.

OP says he's been charged and awaits trial. If that's correct, it means there's been a first hearing where he's entered a not guilty plea (hence a future trial rather than straight to sentencing). If he's been to court, the bail will be court bail, not police bail so the police didn't impose the conditions and can't change them.

Original poster
Fibblet · 06/04/2025 06:23

Richandstrange · 03/04/2025 16:33

Just realised I forgot the link, sorry! https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/

Thank you for this, sadly I’m in Scotland. I’ve been trying to find an equivalent service here but can’t see any\thing much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fibblet · 03/11/2025 20:49

In case this helps anyone else-
I went for an occupation order. He did the same back. I won, in July, and he appealed. Waited 2.5 months for the appeal court hearing and I won again. I’m now back in the house and he cannot come near. He was also told to pay my appeal costs.

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 03/11/2025 20:59

I'm really glad that justice prevailed and you got your house back!!

thepariscrimefiles · 04/11/2025 16:02

Fabulous news!

ProfessorSlocombe · 04/11/2025 17:04

DysmalRadius · 03/11/2025 20:59

I'm really glad that justice prevailed and you got your house back!!

Justice ?

Trethew · 06/11/2025 18:07

Well done

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 06/11/2025 18:09

Phew good to hear op. Hopefully you will spur others on to fight for justice over a twat.

Divebar2021 · 06/11/2025 18:22

Shit. I would have said the police fucked up here. You should have details of the Officer in the case. If he has other properties then it would have been easy ( in England) to bail him to another address and make it a condition that he’s not to enter a certain geographical area ( a postcode area for example). How this has gone down is very weird. I’d try the OIC and if you have no luck id probably put a complaint in with the officers Inspector. ( my caveat here is I do not know the normal
process in Scotland). You should not have your livihood threatened because they’ve bailed him to an address where you need to work.

Divebar2021 · 06/11/2025 18:23

Oh sorry ignore me 🙄

Tiredofwhataboutery · 06/11/2025 18:29

I’m really glad to what that it worked out well for you.

Original poster
Fibblet · 07/11/2025 04:05

Divebar2021 · 06/11/2025 18:22

Shit. I would have said the police fucked up here. You should have details of the Officer in the case. If he has other properties then it would have been easy ( in England) to bail him to another address and make it a condition that he’s not to enter a certain geographical area ( a postcode area for example). How this has gone down is very weird. I’d try the OIC and if you have no luck id probably put a complaint in with the officers Inspector. ( my caveat here is I do not know the normal
process in Scotland). You should not have your livihood threatened because they’ve bailed him to an address where you need to work.

I’ve been trying to get details through a Freedom of Information request for ages. I don’t know even exactly what the charges are! No luck! I agree they should never have bailed him to a house I had occupancy rights to but in the middle of this horrific divorce my focus now is the next year of court battles… into year four shortly 😳

OP posts: