Ex Husband on bail but it’s ME who isn’t allowed at the house?

[Fibblet]

Looking for ideas and advice really…
I’m into year 4 of a hellish divorce. He’s been extremely unpleasant and stubborn about everything and we are heading for court in September.

Meanwhile, on advice, I reported him for domestic abuse and coercive control. He was charged and there will be a trial at some point. His bail conditions are not to approach or contact me.

The house is jointly owned and we have equal occupancy rights. He has however changed the locks and refuses to give me keys and I have been staying at a friend’s house most nights as a temporary thing but have always looked after the garden and I need to work at home (I am a music teacher with 30 pupils) so I’ve been at the house most days and it is still my address.

I want to live in the house, and am fighting for it in court, as I need it for my work and I also paid the biggest share of it. He is in the house and will not leave. I turned up this morning after giving him 3 hours notice, and he called the police, and they arrived and told me I could be in trouble for ‘inciting him to break his bail conditions’ and that I should stay away!

I have possessions there and a classic car and a huge garden to care for and I need the house to live in and work from. He has six other houses and can work from anywhere. They told me I can’t even cut the lawn as he could report me if it makes him feel unsafe!

I am really confused - can anyone advise?

Well that sounds crap. I’m not familiar with the Victims Codes in Scotland but ChatGPT says there are some and they lay out the information you should have received / be receiving. You shouldn’t have to submit a Freedom of Information request to find out the offence that your ex has been charged with ( if you’re the victim ) that information should have been told to you at the time he was charged. I’d look up the Codes and then submit a complaint ( apparently the complaints procedure is also detailed in the codes). Use the crime reference number if you have it and highlight every point in the codes which has been breached. Make it as factual as you can. Good luck - I hope it gets resolved soon.

Oh and I was a police officer for years including a stint in Domestic abuse investigation and if any of that happened to a family member of mine I’d be bloody raging - I’d be down at the nearest police station complaining to the Duty Officer ( but I appreciate that’s easy for me to say under the circumstances)

I don’t know if this is possible or allowed? Can you get someone (a neighbour?) to see if he goes out at regular times? Get the locks changed when he’s not there and take possession back then if he comes back have a note on the door that he needs to leave or you will report a breach of bail conditions?

Sounds exhausting. Are you nearing the end? Can you see the end? Or is there still a long way to go?

Great youre back in. Hes a prick. If you cannot get anything via FOI would a SAR work?

Thanks for the advice.
I won. He appealed. I won again, so, I’m in the house, he’s disappeared, suspected to have gone to Shetland where he has 5 houses. He’s drunk most of the time. I’m now expected to pay all the bills including the whole mortgage on an open ended basis; we had divorce court dates but they were all lost due to his appeal. He earns 8 times what I do. I’ve got a massive expensive battle ahead (already spent 45k) but I’m back home and he cannot come near me. Progress yes, but it’s made the conclusion even further away.

SAR was done months ago, I’ve chased it, no response. Still don’t know exactly what he was charged with except it was under the domestic abuse act.

There are only a handful of offences in the Domestic Abuse Act. Assuming the offences were committed in the UK, the possibilities are:

• Controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship
• Threats to disclose private sexual photographs and films with intent to cause distress
• Strangulation or suffocation

From the information you have given, it sounds he will have been charged with the first offence listed above.

I’m so glad you got your house back. Hopefully your new, good life starts from now.
Well done for pursuing your rights @Fibblet

It’s just a judgement on who gets to live in it until the divorce court. I have to fight a long battle yet! He’s got six other houses and a lot of money though and I sold my previous home for this one so I think I’ve got a chance.

Hoping things are working out for you @Fibblet

This happened to me too.

Can't put much personal details on, but he was out on bail with a restraining order put on him.

I ended up not being able to get most of my things out of the house and walked away with only half the equity in the house (even though I'd put in much more) and nothing else to show for my marriage.

It caused enormous damage as he was home with the teenage DC telling them all sorts of lies and half truths.

The system simply is not set up to protect women.

In my case, CPS dropped the charges after about 6 months.