Do I report myself to social services in this instance?

[crikeyriker]

I separated from my children’s dad two years ago, and have been in a new relationship for one year, we share custody so I only have my children every other week so I’ve only seen my boyfriend when they are with their dad. He has never met my kids properly, although has seen them in passing maybe a handful of times.

He was has been convicted of sexual assault and whilst I appreciate the event itself transpired nearly 20 years ago when he himself was only 15, it places him on the sex offenders register. Social services aren’t aware of me, we weren’t together when he got charged and he has only been honest now he has been convicted, he didn’t think he would be convicted as both him and the victim were 15 and the evidence was dubious, but here we are. Obviously the relationship has to end, but I am left wondering about my children and whether it’s better I contact social services myself so I don’t look like I’m hiding anything, or if I wait and see if they ever do contact me? From a legal standpoint no one knows about me, my kids or mine and his relationship so I’m not sure where to go. I’ve never been in contact with his legal team or the police. Do I just walk away and leave it there or try and pre-empt anything? Feeling heartbroken and confused.

Walk away and leave it there.

I would phone your local Children’s Service and ask to speak to the Duty Social Worker and get their advice. There is a big difference between someone recently convicted of sexual abuse of a minor and someone on a historical charge. If what he is saying is true, it’s probably fine and you don’t have to break up with him (unless you want to). But better to check and be open about it. It would be very very unusual for him to still be on the Sex Offenders Register if the offence was really committed when he was 15. I’ve just done a quick google and it seems the longest an Under 18 person would be kept on the SO register would be 5 years. Definitely worth checking. And if in doubt, you could do a Clare’s Law request to the police. Does he have children of his own? Good luck.

How do you know this o/p? Is it him that’s told you or have you seen court records?

it is very, very unusual to place a 15 year old on the SOR for sexually activity with another 15 year old. There needs to be a good deal more than “dubious” evidence to convict a child of sexual offences serious enough for the SOR.

If you genuinely believe him at the very least please do a Sarah’s law request and speak to social services before he spends time with your children. They need to be safeguarded first.

From what ive been told he’s got to give notifications for 5 years, and they haven’t put any orders on restricting contact with children or anything like that after a full investigation of all devices that showed nothing dodgy and the fact he’s had no other issues with the law in his life, good character, qualified professional, lots of positive character statements

I’m very sad but figured I had to walk away so hadn’t looked at contacting anyone. Was just more worried about social services finding out about me if I hadn’t said anything first looking bad on me

I doubt he would have been put on the sex offenders register for having sex with a girl the same age as him

Why are you saying the 'evidence is dubious'? You weren't there. Stop trying to justify the fact you're dating a sex abuser.
You really could do so much better. There are millions of men out there who would never ever come close to being found guilty of sexual assault. Hard as it may be to believe you do have better options.

Who has told you all this?

There's no way I'd want anyone on the SOR anywhere near me.

What did he do to get put on the register despite the "dubious evidence"?

I didn’t, he said the evidence was dubious. I have maintained since my first post the relationship has to end, I’m just asking what I need to do in regards to the year I’ve already spent with him and whether I need to inform social services of that or make the police aware of me, or if I can just walk away without risk of that coming back to bite me

I'd just walk away as you said you are doing and not welcome any more stress into your life by contacting SS.

if he has not had any meaningful contact with your kids I wouldn’t worry,

however I may make a report to make the police aware this man, who you believe is on the SOR, is seeking out relationships with women with children.

if it isn’t against his terms, nothing will happen. If it is, you could be safeguarding the children of his next girlfriend.

I doubt the evidence is “dubious”, seeing as it’s so difficult to get a conviction for sexual assault.

How long ago did this incident occur? Have you done a Claire's Law (?) search?

Apologies, just read it was 20 years ago.

The OP has made it very clear several times that she ISN'T going to continue dating him.

It's a Sarah's law request you need to do with respect to protecting your children. Claire's law is for DV. I do not think he is being honest with you OP I work in this field and it does not ring true. I would want to get further advice and make sure I am being protective of my children.

Evidence is not dubious. He had to report his contacts and whereabouts for 5 years
As he doesn't now, in my opinion you don't need to report to SS yourself.
What you do is to walk away
There are other men out there without this kind of baggage

Is it that he's been recently convicted? And he didn't tell you until after the trial?

You may be able to walk away with no consequences if the people monitoring him never find out about your relationship. That doesn’t offer professionals the opportunity to protect others from someone who withholds information from future partners and minimises the evidence, despite it being notoriously difficult to get a conviction for sex offences now though, and I personally wouldn’t want that on my conscience.

So the offence was 20 years ago
He was 15 at the time
He has been convicted recently
He is now on the SO register for the next five years

^^ this is my understanding

Just walk away. He's not an honest type. The conviction rate for sexual offences is so low. He was convicted. At 15 he was old enough to know what he was doing. There's no need to report yourself to SS you haven't done anything wrong. If you've ended the relationship as soon as you knew then SS won't be interested, it's not a failing on your part that you dated him, you weren't aware of the circumstances. Now that you are you've protected your DC by getting him out of your life. Nothing for SS to see, it's all sorted.

Op, he would not be convicted if the evidence had been in any way dubious.

I also work in this area, and he is not being honest with you. I think you need to find out the full facts. Either way I would end this relationship and not invite more stress and worry, you need to protect your children at all costs.

end the relationship and walk away . He wouldn’t be convicted of being 15 having sex with another 15 year old - doesn’t happen!
you do not need to contact ss, if you leave him and don’t see him again .

as you are ending the relationship there is no need to contact SS and I would not recommend you do so.

He should inform his offender manager of the relationship who will usually speak to you to inform of his offence and any conditions and assess risk. They would usually refer on to Children's Services. So you may get a call.

However, just end it. Saying this as a Social Worker. Things are rarely as they seem and it's not worth the risk. Be honest if you are contacted and reassure you have eliminated any potential risk to you and your children.

If you do stay, which I can see you say you are going to end it, expect an assessment. Be open and honest. Don't allow him unsupervised access to your children and engage with any teaching / support regarding risk.