Do I report myself to social services in this instance?

[crikeyriker]

I separated from my children’s dad two years ago, and have been in a new relationship for one year, we share custody so I only have my children every other week so I’ve only seen my boyfriend when they are with their dad. He has never met my kids properly, although has seen them in passing maybe a handful of times.

He was has been convicted of sexual assault and whilst I appreciate the event itself transpired nearly 20 years ago when he himself was only 15, it places him on the sex offenders register. Social services aren’t aware of me, we weren’t together when he got charged and he has only been honest now he has been convicted, he didn’t think he would be convicted as both him and the victim were 15 and the evidence was dubious, but here we are. Obviously the relationship has to end, but I am left wondering about my children and whether it’s better I contact social services myself so I don’t look like I’m hiding anything, or if I wait and see if they ever do contact me? From a legal standpoint no one knows about me, my kids or mine and his relationship so I’m not sure where to go. I’ve never been in contact with his legal team or the police. Do I just walk away and leave it there or try and pre-empt anything? Feeling heartbroken and confused.

I don't understand what he was convicted of? Was it a consensual relationship and he was convicted be side she was 15? Or was he convicted of violent sexual assault? I think this would make a difference!

You need to assume that he's telling you a version of events that gives enough detail to be plausible, but leaves out most of the detail that makes him look bad.

You can make an application under Sarah's law I believe, and you may possibly get information that way.

I don't think you have to report yourself.

You dated, kept him away from the kids, and them dumped him when you found out about his past. You've safeguarded your dc so no need to report to anyone.

I would contact the police on 101/live chat and let them know that you were in a relationship with him.
He may have committed further offences by continuing the relationship and not disclosing thsi whilst on bail.

This is a massive red flag for me and I would want to know under Sarah's law exactly what his offending and how much danger my children may have been in.
From there, I personally would want to speak to my children and ensure that nothing had happened to them.

Having extensive experience in this field, the circumstances he has given do not tally up.

Apols just seen he hasn't had prolonged contact with your DC.
He should still have informed those in authority that he was in a relationship with you and if he had any contact with children

I wouldn't contact SS, you've ended the relationship, you don't need the extra stress.

Again no. You’ve done nothing wrong.

I’d end it in writing (eg a text) explicitly saying you are ending the relationship due to this new information. Save/screenshot the text. Then block him and walk away. I wouldn’t bring social care to my door in this situation.

Op I'm a social worker.

• you are aware of this information now and are make the right move to end the relationship. No need to notify anyone because you're safeguarding yourself and your child by acting now.

Should you however decide to stay in the relationship or keep it quiet then social services will become involved with your family. I would be worried that your child's father will then want to take your child for their protection.

Did you dump him op? I'm not sure he's telling you the truth

I'm going to go against the grain here OP.

Is this correct: He was convicted of statutory rape as a 15 year old (he's now 35?) because he had sex with a 15 year old girl. Did she accuse him of rape or is the crime based only on her age? What did you say about him being convicted recently? Have I misunderstood?
There will be a crime report which I presume he has access to. You could get him to get a copy of that report to show you. That is where I would start.

I know it's a different world now to what it was 20 years ago, but I am taking this position because I know a boy who did a silly thing by keeping a photograph of a girl performing a sex act on him, when he was 14. She was 15. It was very silly of him, but as a consequence he is on the sex offenders register, and will be for life. He's a lovely boy who did a silly thing and his life has been turned upside down.

IMO you need to decide how much you like this man, and then if it's enough, then if it is, check that what you are actually being told by him is the truth. You've got some thinking to do. Your dc are clearly your priority, and rightly so.
Social services will only be concerned if he is a danger to your child, and obviously it's up to you to make sure he isn't, but since he has never had any contact with you dc he definitely hasn't been so far.

It may be sufficient to immediately end the relationship and cut contact. However I would still be concerned about the risk to your children and to you. Just because you never introduced your children doesn’t mean he didn’t and doesn’t have the ability to make contact with them. Just because you end things doesn’t mean he will walk away from you.

Abusers are manipulative and they use this ability to get around people’s better judgement. They / he can do this by playing down what happened and hoping you never check. They will try to work their way back to you. They will use every form of manipulation and coercion to make you drop your guard, and ultimately become his defender. There are very tiny seeds of you defending him in your post.

A police search under the relevant legislation, both could apply, is needed. It tells you the truth and alerts the authorities if he is a dangerous man seeking out new victims.

ending it should be enough but finding out the truth about him means you will have a better idea if he is still risk to you. Then you can decide if you need more support from the authorities and social services input. Also if someone else reports you, then you have more evidence of being a good proactive parent.

Stories like this make me think people know very little about a situation. Why would a photo he kept be on anyone’s radar enough that he was arrested, went to court and was convicted? Perhaps the photo was actually the evidence needed rather than the reason he was put on SOR?

@Sometimeswinning
There wasn't a court case, but he was given a caution for having the photograph. He was never accused of anything other than that. I was aware of every element of this case and the information I have given is absolutely correct. I don't mind if you don't understand it or believe me.

Well you claim statutory rape which isn't a thing in this country.

And then you say a caution, and then you claim they are on the sex register for life, despite not being convicted.

So no I don't believe a word.

As for OP, I don't believe what her boyfriend is telling her, this is more than two under age people having a sexual encounter

Break up and dont alert anyone if he had no contact with your children and you aren't known to social services already

@StripyCarpets Statutory rape isn't an offence in this country.

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints and @TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne I haven't claimed statutory rape. I don't know what you are talking about. I asked OP if her bf's offence/prosecution/caution (I don't know) was because he had had sex with an underage girl when he was underage, another name for this is statutory rape, and I've just googled and it is an offense in the UK. I was simply flagging up that the offense the bf may be registered for may actually not be a sign that he's dangerous. It does matter what the actual offense is, but I do agree that the situation described does sound like there's some important info missing.

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints I genuinely don't mind at all that you don't believe me. I didn't come here for your benefit.

No I'm sure you didn't @StripyCarpets but I have no idea why you wish to post something that is clearly untrue. It is bizarre.

You do not go on the sex offenders register for life because you have a photo of yourself at 14 with a 15 year old.

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints
I accept that there are people on here who make random statements with varying degrees of truth. However that isn't what I have done here. Everything I said is true, and your cynicism is misplaced.

I'm done with this thread, but I'd like to wish OP the very best of luck. I hope you get to the bottom of what happened here, and that everything works out well.

You do not go on the sex offenders register for life because you have a photo of yourself at 14 with a 15 year old.

I'm pretty sure that possession of sexual images of a minor is an offence that can land you on the SOR. No?

Not for life!

If it did indeed lead to a caution, it's a year. SOR is not to punish consenting teens for the rest of their lives.

Do a Sarah's law and clares law. Incase there is more.
The positive results will flag and someone will talk with you about a way forward.
Results are quick.