Help just need your oponion on having another child

[BlueScroller]

I had a son that was a victim of rape (I chose to keep him as I don't like abortion). I was a single parent with little support from family and had no friends. My mother was in an abusive partnership and would lie about me to SS because I didn't let my child near him. However social services knew my week points due my mental health,as they knew any button they pushed

i would drink when he was in care as they maade me so low and thats what happend. Long story short i went to parenting assesment and passed, i came out later having DIssosative idenity disorder (they said it wasnt mentioned at time i took said assesment but 1.did dont just "come up" 2. i did to staff but clearly they dint document it. After a while i got another nasty social worker who came to my house on my birthday said "we are going to court "

with big smile on her face after my DID diganosis(mpd it used to be called) they was going to send me to another parenting assesment but i heard on grape vine that evrey parent that goes there fail evrey single parent(this came from a support workers mouth) because my mental health at time i refused put my son threw that if end day he would be took anyway,

at time adoption hearing social
worker lied about my illness basically slaughtered me. I did have a pyshc assessment by a DID specialist who said it wouldn't affect my parenting; however, they were worried it could affect him growing up (however, I know many parents did and their kids haven't been taken). I think I was just targeted because I was alone.

My own solictor said to me, "Because of your abusive childhood, blah blah," my own lawyer!? She was supposed to be helping me but seemed more on their side. The judge also said the same thing; however, again, many parents out there with bad childhoods still keep their kids; some even are foster carers, no r carers, no excuse. As of 2024 i got discharged from mental health because they said "im fine and doing much better" Alchool is nonexistent i no longer drink.

I got a partner, and he has a good network of family. We are planning to have a child but worried same might happen again i know far as im aware they have keep each case diffrent but im also aware they could use this agaisnt me. I am willing to take alchool tests and another parenting assessment as long as it is not in the place I stated above. I accept they might be involved from get-go; that's fine. I just need your perspective on this. My son also wanted to come home; he mentioned it on multiple occasions; they said I neglected him!? Bullshi..excuse my French, if he was neglected, he wouldn't beg to come home.
anyway what would happen if i had another child.

Please don’t write letters to your adopted son telling him you hope to have another child. That’s a pretty shitty thing to say - “I couldn’t keep you so I’m going to have another child”.

Does your boyfriend understand the full risk of social services involvement in a pregnancy? Does he want to have a baby knowing that social services might deem the mother unworthy of parenting and make him choose between his child and his partner? Does he want his own life scrutinized to this degree?

you need to be sure he understands the true magnitude of the situation. Slowing down the timeline is the perfect way to do this. You should be living together and getting to know one another in the situation before thinking about having a baby. It will increase the odds of your relationship surviving having a baby and decrease the odds of you ending up as a single parent.

I believe my adopted DC's birth mum discussed likely outcomes with social services before she got pregnant with her later child.

Have to agree with pp though, having a baby is one of the most female things to do. Given how traumatising it apparently is for transpeople to be reminded of their sex, I struggle to see how that would be a good idea from a mental health standpoint.

for people worried (rightly) about what the OP is saying she writes to her existing child, just because it got past a Social worker, doesn't mean the child will see it.
Letter box control is notoriously poor.
I still have in my possession part of a letter sent to my then 8 year old. I sent it back to letterbox 3 times and gave up.
My son is now 20 and he will never see that letter, unless he asks to see his social services file. I consider the contents to be highly traumatising, it had a bad enough effect on him. My son doesn't need to see it so I will protect him. Adopters do have control over what their children actually see, not the letterbox co-ordinator

Oh dear OP
Your poor son.
Parenting has to be extremely neglectful for children to be removed from a parent.

Of course children who have been neglected by their parent /s “ want to come back” to a parent - it’s the same reason abused women return to their abuser.

You sound quite immature emotionally-
Many people were abused as children , but as adults work on their problems, and are good enough parents so there is no need for SS involvement.

Parenting ( done well so a child feels secure) is an ongoing selfless “job”- and it is hard work .One has to be emotionally present .

Social workers really don’t like removing children, it is a last resort thing.

That would be completely devastating to the poor child.
”I neglected you so you ended up in foster care, but going to have a new child and do it properly this time…” ( or words to that effect )

This would be so painful for him.

I think this is a wind up. A trans man who has had a child taken away due to neglect, who knows details about why a support worker got sacked, but wants to have a baby despite being a trans man, with a boyfriend (who is gay or straight) going against everything a man would do as men can't get pregnant.

Riiiiight.