Help just need your oponion on having another child

[BlueScroller]

I had a son that was a victim of rape (I chose to keep him as I don't like abortion). I was a single parent with little support from family and had no friends. My mother was in an abusive partnership and would lie about me to SS because I didn't let my child near him. However social services knew my week points due my mental health,as they knew any button they pushed

i would drink when he was in care as they maade me so low and thats what happend. Long story short i went to parenting assesment and passed, i came out later having DIssosative idenity disorder (they said it wasnt mentioned at time i took said assesment but 1.did dont just "come up" 2. i did to staff but clearly they dint document it. After a while i got another nasty social worker who came to my house on my birthday said "we are going to court "

with big smile on her face after my DID diganosis(mpd it used to be called) they was going to send me to another parenting assesment but i heard on grape vine that evrey parent that goes there fail evrey single parent(this came from a support workers mouth) because my mental health at time i refused put my son threw that if end day he would be took anyway,

at time adoption hearing social
worker lied about my illness basically slaughtered me. I did have a pyshc assessment by a DID specialist who said it wouldn't affect my parenting; however, they were worried it could affect him growing up (however, I know many parents did and their kids haven't been taken). I think I was just targeted because I was alone.

My own solictor said to me, "Because of your abusive childhood, blah blah," my own lawyer!? She was supposed to be helping me but seemed more on their side. The judge also said the same thing; however, again, many parents out there with bad childhoods still keep their kids; some even are foster carers, no r carers, no excuse. As of 2024 i got discharged from mental health because they said "im fine and doing much better" Alchool is nonexistent i no longer drink.

I got a partner, and he has a good network of family. We are planning to have a child but worried same might happen again i know far as im aware they have keep each case diffrent but im also aware they could use this agaisnt me. I am willing to take alchool tests and another parenting assessment as long as it is not in the place I stated above. I accept they might be involved from get-go; that's fine. I just need your perspective on this. My son also wanted to come home; he mentioned it on multiple occasions; they said I neglected him!? Bullshi..excuse my French, if he was neglected, he wouldn't beg to come home.
anyway what would happen if i had another child.

sadly i cant show court documents on here without judges permisson who was on his case so what i say is just "heresay" but that was one the reasons for the removal,but more as i said above. i have 2 letters a year, and god no im waiting till me and my parnter 4 years together before thinking about it(where been together 2 years) he is aware of me wanting another baby he wants one too. and like i said many posts here i would be willing do anything to keep him in my care,therpy,assesments,alchool tests,anything. and like i said not many people here have seen the hell i had go through. yes it isnt anyones fault but mine AND some things thrown around wasnt true by child services. i had some horrible social workers. one even fired cause she was being homophobic because im a trans man. im not going to put all details here as i said would take me forever but i don like be downed for my experinces not all social workers are same some are bad apples its how it goes

but they still removed him dispite a good parenting assesment? its only when i get diganoised with DID they go back to court? funny that

i had some horrible social workers. one even fired cause she was being homophobic because im a trans man.

How do you know she was sacked or what she was let go for? Isn't that her confidential employment record?

one of the family workers told me as she got in trouble and was dismissed . she may not got fired but what i heard from calire (my support worker at the time)

You're still blaming others--I was stressed with school, my art. You need to accept your part of the blame. You chose to drink. No one poured it down your throat. You did that. Until you truly accept responsibility you have no business having another child.

just to add this "worker" told me " ha u wont get child tax credits money anymore once hes in care" im like and i care why?

no what i mean is now i put my stress now in my art and studying not that im stressed by these things sorry my grammer isnt the best

and again like i said in my posts "i put my hand up to the drinking " what more do u want

You may genuinely believe you can be a better parent this time but you take no responsibility for anything that happened with your son and insist that he was only removed due to you being victimised.
Until you accept that perhaps despite really wanting to you were not able to parent as well as SS required last time and make some changes I don't see how it would be any diffferent this time.
SS WILL be involved and you risk having another child taken into care, although with a different father perhaps the worse case scenario this time is family care.

i said to my bf about family care would be a outcome last resort. like i said i take my hands up for the drinking but my child hood abuse which one there issues and my DID of outcome of said childabuse isnt my fault. and as i said to other posters,ur not me so u dont know my experince, i have has few very nice social workers on my case who was very helpful and nicest ones i ever meet and saw no problem with me some was horrible.

not to mention them saying to me an i qoute" sorry we failed u as a child " when they was involed with me as a kid so idk what u want me to say

How long you and your partner have been together, and how long have you lived together? Your priority is to be sure that your relation is strong, committed and your partner is there with you ready for the good and the hard. That really is your priority.

we have been together 2 years moving in together next year, waiting 2 more years after before thinking about it so waiting till we hit least 4 years

But you are still not accepting responsibility. It was"them", your parents, sw, alcoholism ....How old is your son now, how do you think it would feel to basically be told your parent was thinking about replacing you in their life, another child having the upbringing they have been denied. He would not have been removed if there was no foundation for the neglect allegations, but you gloss over this. Were you drinking at that point?

i had some horrible social workers. one even fired cause she was being homophobic because im a trans man.

That's quite the drip feed....

I think the thing is OP you having suffered childhood abuse is not THE reason your child was removed, neither was a couple of bad social workers. Those may be factors in why you feel or behave the way you do/did, but neither of those are the reason your child was removed. Children are only removed in situations where there is absolutely no other options for the safety of that child.

You need to understand that, the social services are not there to demonise you or because they want to take a child from you, they don’t. Taking a child is an absolute last resort.

I agree with others that you really need to take some time to reflect on the actual facts of what happened, what YOU did, how YOU can change. Maybe reach out to SS and discuss this with them, with your partner present if possible or if you think that would help. Get a good understanding of what the future would look like if you planned another child, what things you would have to do or not do to prove that there is no longer a risk.

we have been together 2 years moving in together next year, waiting 2 more years after before thinking about it so waiting till we hit least 4 years
Great, so don't think about it right now. Focus on your health, your relationship and your social and economical stability. If you've got all that by the time you are pregnant, the chances will be much higher that they back off your back.

You're a trans man but you're planning on getting pregnant?

Whether its your fault or not the fact is that you were unable to care for your son properly and a child deserves the best start in life possible - experts decided that was not you

Trans men CAN get pregnant because they are biological women.
Whether they SHOULD depends on many factors and having concerns about someone as a parent when they have body dismorphia to add to a whole list of other MH issues doesn't mean someone is homophobic.

I don't think anyone with severe MH issues is a prime candidate for parenthood, no.

No, I don’t think you should have another baby, OP. It’s not your fault but I don’t think you’re in a good place to give a child the stability they need to have a good life. I’m really sorry but your PD is going to be very hard to a child to live with - kids need stability. You have a history of self harm (not that long since you stopped), mental health issues, and alcohol issues.

Were you presenting as a trans man at the time of the adoption or did that come afterwards?

You don't come across as a stable parent tbh. You seem very bitter and blaming every one else for what happened with your son. I can't imagine how he'll feel reading a letter saying how you want to replace him!

What do you think you can give to a child? You're just talking about you wanting one. You're in a fairly new relationship and haven't even lived together yet, seems way to early to consider bringing a baby in to it- history aside!

How long have you been sober? Are you in education/ steady employment? Is your partner? Where are you living? Is it suitable for a baby?

And a transman- surely doing the most female thing possible of growing and birthing a baby would have devastating consequences on your mental health? You'd have to stop any hormones for the safety of the baby.

Bad idea- Don’t put another child through that for your own needs.