Overpaid child maintenance

[Samc3]

Hi all,

I have a private arrangement with my ex about child maintenance. For the last 2 years, since I could afford it, I overpaid child maintenance by a lot. We share custody 50x50 by the way.

We’ve had different agreements over these last 2 years since we’ve gone separate ways, but for 2024 the informal agreement was to share nursery fees, 550 each, but I offered to pay nursery by myself just to help. So since Jan/24 instead of paying just my share of the nursery, 550, I’ve paying the whole thing, 1100. Now I’m low on cash and would like to skip paying altogether a month or two, since I’ve paid alone the whole year. I know she’s going to be furious, that I don’t care that much, but I’m wondering if CMS would intervene in her favour if she decides to ask for their help if I stop paying nursery a couple months, even taking into account I’ve overpaid by a lot the last 2 years. I can easily prove it with bank statements.

Id like to understand how CMS would approach this situation

thanks!

She can't make a backdated CMS application so they would make an award based on going forward from the date of her application. The issue will probably be because you paid £1100 to help out (so assume she needed help). It's a bit rough to say no cash for a month or 2. At least go back to paying half would be fairer.

Is anyone claiming UC for the nursery fees?

Thing is, you just really can’t tell someone that suddenly you’re not going to stick to an agreement and leave them with a massive unexpected bill. It’s fine to make a change, with some notice and go back to paying it 50/50 though. So, tell her she needs to pay her half from now on.

It’s just really shitty to do something like offer to pay but then later use that against them and decide that it’s a reason to pay nothing. Be better than that. Start splitting it 50/50 and accept that the previous payments are gone and you’re not getting it back.

CMS wouldn't take into account you've chosen to pay more in the past, they would only assess based on your current circumstances.

Same as if you'd been underpaying she couldn't ask them to backdate payments.

why don’t you talk to your ex and figure something out? Instead of assuming she will go straight to CMS, which tbf if you stop without saying anything would be reasonable

CMS won't care that you've made an overpayment.

Theyll take the information they need and calculate the appropriate amount you'll be expected to pay from that date inward, thats the minimum and if you pay more than that in future it will not be taken into account for future payments breaks.

The overpayment wouldn’t be taken into account.

Work out a number that you can afford (at least try CMS amount ) is you don’t want hassle from CMS. Your ex will probably be angry but she won’t get anywhere as you’ll be paying at least the CMS amount.

I think if you're 50/50 you have more of a responsibility towards nursery than just CMS. In theory your ex should only be bearing the burden for the days they have your DC.

I think this is also likely a contract issue with the nursery, nothing to do with CMS. You can't suddenly decide to stop paying them and tell them Ex is picking up the bill - if she also doesn't pay your DCs place might be at risk and you'll both be screwed for childcare. It's a risky game to play.

If you share 50/50 you won't owe any maintence. You shouldn't be paying anything as if that was the case they'd also owe you maintence.

Thanks for all the answers. I know it sounds odd. But I’ve tried to approach this with the ex and she was not understanding of my situation. It kind of pisses me off that I was there to give her a hand with the bills and she’s not willing to do the same, even though I know she can now.

So yes, this would be somewhat of a retaliation measure.

That’s not true. In some cases if your salary is high enough then even with 50/50, CMS will calculate that money is owed.

And he does need to pay the nursery for his half of the time. Or his ex can just adjust the nursery days so her child only goes on her days and pay for those, then leave OP to sort childcare for his days so she isn’t stuck with the full bill. So he really does need to pay his half if he doesn’t want to lose the nursery hours.

End of the day legally you don't have to pay her anything having your child 50/50.

@CrazyCatLady008 is wildly incorrect. Unsure why she's doubling down rather than listening to @Onthesideofthespiders

You need to pay what the calculator suggests. This looks at salary, if you're the higher earner, you'll be paying CMS even if 50/50. You obviously also have to pay nursery fees for your days.

So yes, this would be somewhat of a retaliation measure.

Well, at least you’re honest about this. You know this is child maintenance right? Your child is affected by what you do with it. I had a dad who dicked around with child maintenance because he was pissed off at my mother. It defined our relationship and I haven’t spoken to him for 10 years.

Just pay your half of it. Prioritise your child. When you prioritise your bitterness with your ex and use your child in that it alway goes wrong.

Maybe not in CM, but presumably responsible for nursery fees for at least 50% of the time…

it’s hard to not think of retaliation when she’s travelling to Italy every 3 months on holiday and refuses to retribute the favour I did for the last 10 months, by paying nursery by herself for just 1.

if you take into account nursery fees on a yearly basis, I’ve already paid 80% of it. Way more than 50%

Also op. No one has picked up on this, you SHOULD be paying more then the equivalent of half of childcare. Assuming you are a high earner and would be due to pay cm on 50/50.

You should be paying for your childcare on days you have your DD. This is your expense. You aren't doing your ex a favour, this is a payment that allows you to work.

If CMS is due on top according to the calculator then you have been paying your own half plus cm via the childcare bill. It's unlikely that she is due as much as 550 unless you are a very very high earner. You need to work out what that number is and not go under it.

What is the agreement with the nursery re who pays? Do you both pay directly?

It sounds like you do have the money to pay it, you just don’t want to Understandable but unhelpful right now.

Something like:

”Hey, X, now you are back on your feet financially, and we have DD 50/50, I am going to move to paying nursery fees for my days - Mon, Tue and half of Wed - and you can cover your days. Plan to do this from next month/January”

Don’t agree. What part of “I’ve been paying her half the d the nursery fees for the last 10 months” you didn’t understand.
now I’d like her to pay mine for 1.

So what happens when you don't pay it, she can't pay it, and baby loses their place at nursery? What's your plan then

yes, it’s one risk I’m willing to take. Doesn’t change the fact that for this year alone, even if the ex pays the last 2 months on her own, it will mean she’s paid 20% of nursery and I’ve paid 80%. So I fail to see how it would be my fault if our boy loses his place.

You agreed at the start of the year to pay nursery 50/50. For some reason (possibly kindness, possibly cos she was covering other bills of DD) you offered to cover it all.

Why are you so set against it going back to the agreement of 50/50 nursery fees? When you mention retaliation, has she perhaps recently started dating and this has triggered the change?

Because you offered to pay it! If she had been taking the piss and just leaving you to pay it month after month unagreee, that would be different. But that’s not the case.

Also, it’s more likely that she would ring up and give notice to change days to Thu and Fri (or whatever) and keep the place for her days, than she lets the place lapse entirely. Then she is ok and you are not.