Overpaid child maintenance

[Samc3]

Hi all,

I have a private arrangement with my ex about child maintenance. For the last 2 years, since I could afford it, I overpaid child maintenance by a lot. We share custody 50x50 by the way.

We’ve had different agreements over these last 2 years since we’ve gone separate ways, but for 2024 the informal agreement was to share nursery fees, 550 each, but I offered to pay nursery by myself just to help. So since Jan/24 instead of paying just my share of the nursery, 550, I’ve paying the whole thing, 1100. Now I’m low on cash and would like to skip paying altogether a month or two, since I’ve paid alone the whole year. I know she’s going to be furious, that I don’t care that much, but I’m wondering if CMS would intervene in her favour if she decides to ask for their help if I stop paying nursery a couple months, even taking into account I’ve overpaid by a lot the last 2 years. I can easily prove it with bank statements.

Id like to understand how CMS would approach this situation

thanks!

What's your childcare plan then?

You're being completely unreasonable.

If you have a cash flow problem then you should have let your ex know before this. I think it's reasonable to pay 50/50 from now on but you can't just expect her to come up with the full amount with no notice, at an expensive time of year.

The change is because I’m now in debt. My circumstances changed. It has nothing to do with dating
even if it was dating, it wouldn’t change the point I’m trying to make. It’s her time to step up.

i know she’s not in debt. She’s been going to travel for Xmas. I’m not.

But you cannot make her. Just as many women cannot make their exes pay anything more than the bare minimum of CMS and not even that sometimes.

Just because she’s travelling ar Xmas doesn’t mean she isn’t in debt. She could have put it on a card, got sn overdraft or someone else may be paying.

I can understand wanting this arrangement to come to an end but you’re being completely unreasonable in the way you’re going about this, and you’re making yourself sound really awful at the same time. You can’t just have one arrangement for ten months then suddenly announce it’s changing this very month with absolutely no notice and be completely closed to discussion or reason.
As for your comment about your son losing his nursery place being a risk you’re willing to take, what an awful way of thinking. You very much give the impression of being one of these crappy parents who simply doesn’t care if their child is caught in the middle of disputes with their ex, no matter the consequences.

Oh wow. I half understood your point until you said this.

What a spiteful move. It would be your fault because you havnt given her enough warning!

And you've already prepared a script of how it's not your fault, its hers. You petty little man

So you want to change your mind with no warning. Not really fair. I would give mum a month's notice that it's going back to shared nursery fees.

So you agreed at the beginning of the year to pay 100% of the nursery fees. Presumably you’re aware you’re on a higher salary than her.
Did you say there was a time limit or a until you get a promotion or finish training or was it just for the foreseeable future?

Im guessing she has planned her finances around you paying and so hasn’t got the money to pay the full amount. It’s tricky, I can see why you’re annoyed but I can see it’s swerve ball for her and if she hasn’t got the money either she hasn’t got it.

She may have chosen housing that fitted with this budget so is paying a higher rent, or for a car or has committed to other expenses.

Have you really not got the money or is it because you’ve seen she’s had some holidays and so not as strapped for cash as you thought? Maybe those trips were paid by someone else, or quite cheap last minute deals.

I think you need to pay at least your half of the nursery and ask if she can put anything towards the shortfall. You’re both going to have to go without to cover it. Moving forwards you need to decide on a fixed amount and stick to it. You can’t mess her around with offering to pay and then reneging.

Go to Citizens Advice or a solicitor, you're not going to get genuine advice here.

They will be able to advise based on your earnings and your custody arrangements, if you don't have the money to pay the nursery will send you a bill first before kicking your child out. You probably will end up paying this month even if it's late. Get arrangements formalised and stick to them.

How is your advice genuine and not other people's, when you have said a similar thing about needing to pay this month and making changes thereafter?

I appreciate all the judgement here, but totally disagree. I’ve been giving her notice for 2 months now. Im not a crappy parent. You don’t know me.

But we are both parents, and she also needs to bear responsibility, financially too.
over and out

Poor child stuck in the middle of this shit show.

We know you're using your child as a pawn in your spite against his mother. That's enough to know you're a shit father.

Give her notice that as of x date you’re contributing £x towards the nursery costs and she will have to make up the difference

is that all you’re contributing? Is there money for other things on top of this?

you should be paying half of EVERYTHING relating to your child.

What 'notice' have you given?

People respond based on the information you write; what else could they reply to? Additionally, talking about retaliation on the mother of your child doesn't really reflect well on you.

You’ll have to excuse people making the assumption this has come out of the blue for her given you never mentioned two months notice until your last post and you say in your opening post ‘I know she will be furious’ which certainly implies she doesn’t know of your plan yet…

Regardless. I understand most people mean well. Thanks for all the replies specially for those that more objectively addressed my question. Have a great day.

Ah, one of those colossal wastes of everyone’s time. Marvellous.

@CrazyCatLady008 is actually correct, and once again Legal has been taken over by posters offering advice in a subject they know, apparently, nothing about.

If care is shared equally in terms of time and effort (and it appears that it is) then the CMS cannot make either parent pay maintenance to the other. For those still unaware, check regulation 50 of the 2012 Calculation Regulations.

The nursery fees are a private contractual matter between OP and the mother. OP can stop paying the full amount at any time. Each parent is responsible for making arrangements for the care of the child during their time. It would of course make sense that they pool resources, and perhaps make sense that whoever earns more gets to pay a little bit more. However neither parent can be forced in to an agreement on this one.