Inheritance question - very confused, please help

[LaCoteBasque]

Hello,

I was just wondering who might have navigated this scenario about inheritance at some point before, as right now I’m confused and a bit scared.

I (37) have been with my DP (52) for five years. We are not married. We have one DS who is 18 months. My partner has a DD (my step DD) from his previous marriage.

He owns 3 properties. The flat we currently live in (reasonable size, three bedrooms, kitchen, living room, bathroom, garden). A small one bedroom flat in his native city (different country, he rents it out). A small seaside house (very basic, no frills) which is used for summer holidays, two bedrooms , ion the coast, just a few hours on the train from his native city.

I don’t own any property. I have £100K saved up that I would put towards a deposit if I was buying.

Since having my son I’ve been worrying about wills and inheritance type stuff, i never gave it a second thought before I was a mum as it didn’t really matter (I know I was younger and stupid etc.).

Based on the conversation I’ve just had with my DP I’m a bit alarmed . We were saying we both need to do our wills and he made noises that his plan would be to leave all his properties, including our main residence to the children (DS and DSD) as that would be fair. If he left me the house we live in, he argues, that wouldn’t be fair because that would disadvantage his DD (for instance, I might decide to downsize and sell the property and then spend all the equity on myself, or I might just leave the property to DS and so DSD misses out, or I do the right thing and leave the property to both DS and DSD but then DS challenges my will and says he has more right to the property and he should get it entirely…outrageous accusation against my 18 month DS!)

My understanding was that the spouse or partner inherits the home and so isn’t made homeless and can continue to live in the place they call home. Am I a bad, entitled bratty millennial for thinking this? An I screwed?

For instance, DP’s dad will leave his properties to DP’s step mum, and DP‘s brother will leave his flat to his wife (they have three children together)…I feel like a second class citizen. AIBU for feeling this way?

Also, just in case it’s relevant - my DP used to own the flat we live in outright, mortgage all paid off just by himself. In the divorce he had to remortgage and give 50% of the proceeds to his ex wife as part of the settlement.

I would love to own half our flat , would put down my share of the deposit and start paying the mortgage monthly. But he’s turned down this idea. Says it’s not worth it with the stamp duty I would have to pay? Doesn’t sound right but anyway.

I earn £37K a year, DP is on £90K a year.

Also, I’m not interested in the foreign properties or his savings. I just want to have a guarantee I’ll have a home (the one I live in today, decorate, invest in, clean every week etc.) should he go before I do.

Another thing, he’s not that keen on getting married again. So I suppose I am a bit vulnerable in this sense.

Please help. Does anyone know a solution to this? Practical and proven ideas very welcome.

thank you in advance x

Please help. Does anyone know a solution to this? Practical and proven ideas very welcome.

As others have already said, since he has already been divorced once, I can understand his reluctance to remarry.

You mention about him leaving everything to the DC. This does make a lot of sense; if he left everything to you then you could later marry and leave everything to your new husband so that his DD then gets nothing.

There have been threads here about exactly that happening.

As others have said, it is normal for the surviving partner to be given a "life interest" in the estate. If that includes the rental property then the surviving partner also gets the income as well.

This will typically be for the rest of your life but sometimes there can be extra conditions such as if you were to marry or cohabit with someone then you would have to move out of the property.

As to your £100k, some here have suggested getting a buy to let. I'm not so sure about that, it's a lot more difficult these days for individual landlords. I would speak to some people first about what life as a landlord is like.

Alternatively, I would suggest investing the money in different funds, unit trusts etc (get advice on this) through a stocks and shares ISA.

A stocks and shares ISA means that you don't pay any capital gains tax or income tax on your investments. At the moment you can invest up to £20,000 per year.

So I would suggest, get some professional advice and invest your money in stocks and shares ISAs over the next few years and leave some money in a savings account for emergencies.

From his perspective and the perspective of the children he's thinking along the right lines in my opinion. He should consider ways to include you in the will and ensure you inherit, but he does need to consider his children too.

My mum died when I was 21 and Dad remarried, Dad died when I was 28 and his wife inherited everything. She has since remarried. There will never be any inheritance for me or my brothers, the house and all assets worth in excess of £2mill have benefitted my step-mum and her new family and they have lived a very comfortable life of early retirement in a beautiful home.

If I was him I’d be doing the same OP. I think he’s doing the sensible thing for his children. So many cases where the widowed spouse remarried and new wife/husband ends up with everything. You’re young, use your deposit money to buy a property or just keep it invested and if the worst happens you have a deposit.

Yep.

your options are…
a. Marriage
b. Ensure you are financially independent

given his age (I can’t imagine a 52 year old is particularly hands on but 🤷🏻‍♀️) I don’t recommend marriage tbh.
you see it a lot on threads here. For every 1 person who is 45 married to a 65 year old and happy there are 20 that are losing their mind living with an old man who wants a 24/7 nurse

i would caution AGAINST a BTL. It’s financially not a good choice.

if you buy a home - maybe you all move in and he makes your current house a btl.

you should find a good ifa
put that inheritance into savings.
a good ifa will drip feed across to an ISA ( 20k per annum) so you get increased tax free benefits.
i would also make sure I was saving X per month (300 or whatever) and grow it / add to it.
given your salaries I hope you aren’t paying 50/50
and do not fall into the trap of paying for the majority of kids stuff.

his made it clear. He isn’t looking after you he is looking after him… then the kids.
you need to look after you… then your child.
in a way it’s easier as you know your child is provided for so you can focus on securing your own future

Yeah, being unmarried means you have no rights. If he won't leave the house to you (and he's not obliged to if you haven't contributed) then best case scenario is he'd leave the main home in trust to his DC but give you a life time interest, allowing you to live there until your death when it will then pass to the children. If he's not willing to do that, then ask for a minimum of a year, but preferably longer to live there after his death so that you can get everything sorted and deal with your grief before having the pressure of having to move out.

Even if married she has no right to the house upon his death as he has already made a will.

As a wife she’d be in a very strong position to argue she is financially dependent upon him and can contest a will that entirely excludes her.

It’s not a very nice idea, but it does offer legal protections.

OP there is no solution to this that both keeps you safe, and leaves his children in the same position they were in before you came on the scene. You all need to acknowledge that and think carefully about what your concerns and your priorities are. It's no use looking for a practical solution until you're all agreed on what you want that practical solution to achieve.

Marriage does not give you any automatic right to inherit his flat.

A spouse does not inherit unless named in the will as the beneficiary , or the deceased spouse dies without leaving a will in which case the survivor gets the first chunk and then the remainder is shared with children, or the survivor is a joint owner of the house which is held as joint tenants

I think you need to explain to him that your child would also be made homeless.

To protect you He could leave his property to his Dc but a life interest to you so that you had the right to live in the house until your Dc is 21, for example, or for rest of your life, or any other specified time. Or he could leave his flat to your Dc but held in trust by you until he is fully adult, so that you could live in it til then.

Use your money to build your own security.

It wouldn’t make OPs child homeless at all. He has two parents and OP earns £37 and has £100k in the bank.

The problem with a lifetime interest is that the daughter would have to wait too long for her inheritance, and considering the age gap between her father and OP that could be an unfairly long time. It is understandable that a parent wouldn’t want to do that to their adult child, especially as the OP has the means to support herself.

He has made it perfectly clear how he really feels.
I also wonder what sort of rights if any you have over his pension if he dies before you which would be the natural order of things. He may have the children named to receive any benefits.

I would try and get a lifetime interest in the house, even if it delayed your child’s inheritance unless that sweet toddler turns out to be some sort of horrendous human no one wants to see their Mum homeless.

With 100k in the bank you not going to be homeless.
Invest in your own property now or keep the savings so you can rent while you decide what to do

Hello everyone that has responded.

Thank you so much. I have more of a clear eyed view of how to move forward. I’ll ring round some solicitors today if I get a quiet moment at work (unlikely). See if I can set up meetings to discuss how all these suggestions work in practice.

This is not a complaint, just an issue to navigate - I’ve known for so long that need to crack on with buying a place but I’m a Londoner born and raised (South East, now living South West) so if I’d have to buy outside of the city to get a reasonable place that isn’t a „fixer upper“ (a place built in the last 40 years, say) in a location I don’t know or have an emotional connection to, it seems a bit daunting. Wouldn’t know where to start. We only went to South End or Dorset on holiday when I was growing up (I have disabled older DB) so I guess they could be options for putting down roots. I also speak a couple of other languages so pre 2016, I always thought I might retire to somewhere in Europe. I’m not bitter about Brexit even though I voted Remain, but the loss of FoM has been a bit of a choker.

Feels like options are a bit restricted, but maybe it’s always been like that for every generation, one way or another 🤷🏻‍♀️ Must push on regardless.

Oh also, the thing that hurts the most is the idea that if I inherit the flat (main residence) I would only then leave it to my DS in my will and cut out DSD. I know she’s not my own child but I still love her and want to do right by her. Plus she’s DS’s sister, after me and their dad are gone they’ll only have each other, so I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardise their relationship.

Thank you again!

You have a deposit so buy your own home. It doesn't have to be near to you if property prices are too high there. You can buy in another town and rent out the property. That gives you insurance in case he ever throws you and DS out.

I wouldn't take it to heart, OP. You partner has likely received legal advice that even though he trusts you, he should make sure trust isn't a factor in his wishes. Lawyers trust no-one. Previous cases teach us not to.

You're also not thinking ahead (as lawyers are trained to)- what if he dies next year, you remarry and have triplets? Suddenly DSD is getting a 1/5th inheritance of her father's flat, not a 1/2, and 3/5 is going to children your DH is not related to, and will never meet.

Inheritance is tricky, particularly in blended families. I wouldn't read into it about how much he trusts you- his wishes seem on the face of it to follow exactly run-of-the-mill legal recommendations.

was going to say this ⬆️

It’s not necessarily a nightmare scenario for the people who do inherit though 1 usually children of the deceased. It’s sad for the person who doesn’t inherit of course, but equally people can leave their property to whoever they choose.

I say that as a single mum to two girls. I plan on leaving them everything even if I remarried. There’s no reason any adult should expect to get property they haven’t contributed to.

Another option to consider is life insurance.

I despair. You’re 37 and you think you have a right to property? You’re not married. Those property rights only accrue if you’re married

Not quite @Twinklefloss I believed it was standard for partners to shore up each other’s long term security in the event of other partner’s death - because they love each other and want what is best for each other. Then when the other eventually goes, all assets are past on to the children (whether they be step children or otherwise, it’s irrelevant). I didn’t think it would happen automatically. I just thought that is generally what is arranged.

That’s why I used the example of DP’s own father. He’s 81. When he dies, he intends to to leave his two properties (no idea about other assets and funds) to his wife, my DP’s step mother who is herself childless. It’s generally accepted that whatever she does with those two properties is up to her entirely and it’s not expected she’ll then leave those properties to DP and his brother. It’s her business.

Just because I’m a step mother I’m not being treated as a regular partner. Ergo even though I work full time with an 18 month old, manage all his care, look after the house with cleaning 100% of the time and do all the clothes washing, run DSD to her activities when my partner can’t (which I’m very happy to do btw), I could still lose my home if he decides to pass it on directly to the children. This recent discovery is making me question everything.

Sorry I’m only learning how blended families can be a bit complicated as I go. My parents married in 1981 and have been together ever since.

I myself have only had one partner before this relationship. We were 18 when we got together and 33 when we split up (so 14 years in total). Marriage, children and all the stuff that come with those things was never really entertained because we were happy as a twosome. Hence I’m not across all the fundamentals. We called it a day amicably when we decided the relationship had turned from romance / love to just friendship.

That’s why I used the example of DP’s own father. He’s 81. When he dies, he intends to to leave his two properties (no idea about other assets and funds) to his wife, my DP’s step mother who is herself childless. It’s generally accepted that whatever she does with those two properties is up to her entirely and it’s not expected she’ll then leave those properties to DP and his brother. It’s her business.

Don’t you think that’s a bit shit for your husband though? I’d be heartbroken if one of my parents disinherited me in favour of a partner. The FIL in this scenario might have more faith that his own children will eventually inherit if his partner has no children, but if it’s not expected that she leaves it to her step
sons then your FIL has done a horrible thing that is definitely not the most common way of doing things.

If you do buy a property you may find you cant get a buy-to-let mortgage if you dont have your own residential property. Very few lenders will lend in this case.

Do you pay anything towards the flat? If you do I would limit that and use your £100k to buy a flat.

You don’t have any rights as a non married partner, and even if you were married a properly drawn up will that favours kids could leave you out completely.

You could ask your partner to add a condition in his will that, even if that flat is left to the two children, that you have lifetime tenancy rights so you can’t be chucked out. That could be a good solution.

In the end its sad for you - you’re in a relationship where you are not building wealth together and that inevitably creates a divide. Well done for spotting that. You MUST look out for your future. Good luck

Equally as a dependent cohabitee looking after his child she could challenge being disinherited. In either case she may not be successful and likely would only get a portion of the estate

Just because I’m a step mother I’m not being treated as a regular partner. Ergo even though I work full time with an 18 month old, manage all his care, look after the house with cleaning 100% of the time and do all the clothes washing, run DSD to her activities when my partner can’t (which I’m very happy to do btw), I could still lose my home if he decides to pass it on directly to the children.

Why are you doing all this? Your partner’s got it made hasn’t he? Won’t marry you, gets all the cleaning and washing and childcare done by you, owns 3 properties. No wonder he won’t share - you’ve shown him that you don’t expect it 😬

Equally as a dependent cohabitee looking after his child she could challenge being disinherited

She’s not financially dependent on him though, she earns £37k a year and has £100k in the bank. That is enough for her to support herself and her child independently if she needs to.

I’d argue that the child who is genuinely dependent on her one remaining parent is legally and morally more entitled than a partner.