Inheritance question - very confused, please help

[LaCoteBasque]

Hello,

I was just wondering who might have navigated this scenario about inheritance at some point before, as right now I’m confused and a bit scared.

I (37) have been with my DP (52) for five years. We are not married. We have one DS who is 18 months. My partner has a DD (my step DD) from his previous marriage.

He owns 3 properties. The flat we currently live in (reasonable size, three bedrooms, kitchen, living room, bathroom, garden). A small one bedroom flat in his native city (different country, he rents it out). A small seaside house (very basic, no frills) which is used for summer holidays, two bedrooms , ion the coast, just a few hours on the train from his native city.

I don’t own any property. I have £100K saved up that I would put towards a deposit if I was buying.

Since having my son I’ve been worrying about wills and inheritance type stuff, i never gave it a second thought before I was a mum as it didn’t really matter (I know I was younger and stupid etc.).

Based on the conversation I’ve just had with my DP I’m a bit alarmed . We were saying we both need to do our wills and he made noises that his plan would be to leave all his properties, including our main residence to the children (DS and DSD) as that would be fair. If he left me the house we live in, he argues, that wouldn’t be fair because that would disadvantage his DD (for instance, I might decide to downsize and sell the property and then spend all the equity on myself, or I might just leave the property to DS and so DSD misses out, or I do the right thing and leave the property to both DS and DSD but then DS challenges my will and says he has more right to the property and he should get it entirely…outrageous accusation against my 18 month DS!)

My understanding was that the spouse or partner inherits the home and so isn’t made homeless and can continue to live in the place they call home. Am I a bad, entitled bratty millennial for thinking this? An I screwed?

For instance, DP’s dad will leave his properties to DP’s step mum, and DP‘s brother will leave his flat to his wife (they have three children together)…I feel like a second class citizen. AIBU for feeling this way?

Also, just in case it’s relevant - my DP used to own the flat we live in outright, mortgage all paid off just by himself. In the divorce he had to remortgage and give 50% of the proceeds to his ex wife as part of the settlement.

I would love to own half our flat , would put down my share of the deposit and start paying the mortgage monthly. But he’s turned down this idea. Says it’s not worth it with the stamp duty I would have to pay? Doesn’t sound right but anyway.

I earn £37K a year, DP is on £90K a year.

Also, I’m not interested in the foreign properties or his savings. I just want to have a guarantee I’ll have a home (the one I live in today, decorate, invest in, clean every week etc.) should he go before I do.

Another thing, he’s not that keen on getting married again. So I suppose I am a bit vulnerable in this sense.

Please help. Does anyone know a solution to this? Practical and proven ideas very welcome.

thank you in advance x

The only solution is marriage.

Not being married & not owning any part of the property you live in means you have no rights & he can leave it to anyone he chooses.

You could always buy your own property with your £100k and a mortgage. A salary of £37k should be able to get you a mortgage of £150k. What can £250k buy you in your area ?

You could then rent it out, but I would advise moving into it & living there with your DC.

I'd get some legal advice. And I would seriously consider getting your own place, as *Biggaybear says. *

Buy your own property, and don't invest anymore money in the flat he owns IE repairs etc.

My understanding was that the spouse or partner inherits the home and so isn’t made homeless and can continue to live in the place they call home. Am I a bad, entitled bratty millennial for thinking this? An I screwed?

Your understanding is wrong; this is only the case if you're married. Partners have no such rights. I'd buy your own place and stop contributing to the one you live in. And probably end the relationship. This is the risk you take having children if unmarried I'm afraid.

He could leave it to the kids, but give you a lifetime interest, to prevent it being sold while you still live there. But, if you split, he can change his will to remove that.

Ultimately though, marriage would be the biggest protection. Unless/until that happens, keep your own savings and invest in your own property, not his.

You should speak to a lawyer. There are ways around this.

For example, you can ask him that he ensures you retain a 'life interest' in the property you live in. This means you can stay living in it your whole life (and the person who eventually inherits it cannot force you out) but you can't leave it to someone different, and upon your death, the beneficiary takes that interest. This is a very common solution in blended family arrangements.

If your partner is from another country, his thinking may be influenced by inheritance laws he is famliar with from there, e.g. some countries have forced inheritence where % of main house goes to children even if couple is married. But agree with other posters about your options. Just saying there may be reasons that he sees it differently and doesn't necessarily mean his intentions are bad.

Your understanding is made up out of nowhere, people can leave their property to who they like. It’s very common for unmarried adults to leave their property to their children. Children have more of a moral right to inherit than a partner. There are many stories of parents leaving property to a partner, trusting that they would then pass it on to step children, except they didn’t and then the children don’t inherit at all.

You are in a position where you could buy your own property, so do that and rent it out.

From his perspective he has already had to give half of the value of the house to a woman ,and he's not making that mistake again
Put your money into a house of your own
Put no more of your money into his house

I would reconsider the whole relationship .

It’s not the case if you’re married either in England/wales at least.

if he owns property, he can leave it to whomever he chooses. Married or not.

some countries may have different inheritance rules. Often got round by leaving a “life interest” so the spouse has a home.

marriage is not a protection if he dies. Only if you divorce.

if he owned all these properties before you moved in I actually think it’s fair he splits them between dd and ds. He could leave half to you and half to dd, but then there’s a chance ds may not inherit from you if you remarry etc.

split between the two children, with a life interest in one property for you seems reasonable.

invest your £100k separately. Don’t invest it in his house or tie it into his finances is any way. Then if you do split or you die it will be yours/ds’s. Not his.

You aren't married. You have no entitlement to anything of his if he dies.

Check with a mortgage adviser because the mortgage available is not just based on salary but likely income from tenants so you could borrow more. So if you buy your own property and keep your money in that and rent it out. You have to pay tax on rental income less mortgage interest but eventually with inflation and paying down the mortgage you will own it.

Do not invert into his flat eg with a new kitchen or bathroom etc he can pay for that.

Also sounds like his pension will be directed to the kids as well so ensure you have a decent pension.

if she’s in England/wales she has no entitlement if she is married either.

you're not married so you’re entitled to nothing.

And , brutally, with that age gap the chances are he will die before you and you don’t want him to die and simultaneously be made homeless.

you need a will. I would assume at his age and with older children he already has one and you need to know what it says. And then you need to buy your own house and have an honest conversation with him about the future.

Do not fritter your savings away on a house that is not yours. It is his house. He is just letting you live there. He can throw you tomorrow if he wishes. Do not forget that. Do not make yourself any more vulnerable than you already are.

As other's have suggested, you should invest the majority of your money in a property of your own to rent out (or live in). That will be your backup/security and your son's inheritance from you.

YANBU. I can understand why you are feeling vulnerable. The property you are living in should go to you on his death for security for both you and your child. I would get some legal advice.

You need to speak to a family estate planning advisor.
I think the properties can be put in trust so that upon his death it goes to you, but stays in trust and upon your death the trust will go to both the children.
Also, you should get married as increases the threshold for inheritance tax

With 100k, unless you live in London, get your OWN property. {Edit...for a deposit}
He's lost half of one house- he's not going to want to lose another by getting married/divorcing.

You wouldn't, either!

Get your own house, and then your son can inherit that.

I despair. You’re 37 and you think you have a right to property? You’re not married. Those property rights only accrue if you’re married (unless you’re in NZ or another country that has statute law that protects cohabiting spouses after a number of years).

if you’re in the UK (or England/wales/ni at least, don’t know Scottish law) you have no rights on death or separation to any property at all.

I’m sorry to labour the point as per pp but if there are fully grown adults out there who still think they are protected without being married we have got to repeat this message over and over. If even one other poster reads this and realises they are financially vulnerable it’s worth it. Marriage is not “just a piece of paper”.

I hope that you are finding this thread useful, Op. A family friend was left homeless after her partner died suddenly, he hadn't left a will and everything automatically went to his next of kin. She had to leave his house that she had lived in for nearly 10 years a few weeks after he died. It came as a huge shock to her, she has assumed that she had legal rights.

You have no rights to any of his money under your current arrangement, with or without a will
If he died tomorrow without a will, his children would inherit and it would be held in trust until they're 18.
If he has a will, he can put his wishes into it and exclude you from inheritance
You're in a very weak position here OP and you need to sort this out with him
The good thing is you've got your £100k which is a bit of a safety net, but won't go far on a property unless you're in a part of the country where housing is very cheap

I can understand his point of view (not saying I agree) as I've seen so many cases of children from the first marriage having their inheritance 'stolen' by their surviving step parent and step siblings despite reassurances that they wouldn't. It happened to my own mom and it's eye opening how money can sour relations.

In your case I'd make sure that his will includes the child you have together, then make separate arrangements for yourself. You could buy your own property and rent it out and it may come in handy if you ever split in the future.

@Motnight that’s the nightmare scenario we studied in Wills and Trusts classes. Hundreds if not thousands of cases where people die intestate (without a will) and the co-habiting partner, often of many years standing, gets nothing as they’re not next of kin.

She does if he dies without a will, although not a guarantee of every asset depending on value.

She would also be benefitting from inheritance tax laws, if they apply.

Ultimately, op is currently a lodger in an older man’s home. You’d be entitled to child maintenance if you separate and not a lot else.

At death, you have no rights to his assets.

This. Marriage does not fix your concerns.