Can visiting your child be harassment without a court order restriction

[merryeagle]

Given the following court order:

"The Court makes no order for contact between the Applicant and the
subject children however the Respondent’s clear evidence was that she supported contact between the Applicant and the children as long as the children were not forced to attend such contact as such the court requests and suggests that the Respondent encourages the children to have contact."

My children have been alienated against me and are refusing to have contact with me. So I had to go to court.

Would I be in breach of a court order if I were to visit my children's school unannounced, without forcing them to speak to me?

It is my understanding that "No order" means there is no restrictions on me.

How do you interpret the above court order in terms of what contact I can have with my children?

July 2019 - Ex tells me children no longer want to see me
Sep 2019 - I start court proceedings
Sep 2019 - Ex files non-molestation order which was dismissed
Sep 2019 - Ex makes unilateral decision to "homeschool" the children.
2019-2021 - Lengthy court proceedings, supervised contact, indirect contact etc, social services involved, caffcass involved.

Was the ex's decision to homeschool by any chance due to you turning up at the children's school?

August 2021 - Ex is granted permission to relocate to another city, court decides no order with regards to contact.
April 2023 - I start court proceedings again, after school visits, sending letters, text messages etc. Children still refused.
May 2023 - Ex files police complaint for harassment but doesn't mention this in court statements, nor at court hearing

The court then gave permission for the ex to move to another city, where presumably the children then started at a new school. You then followed to the new city and started turning up at their next school too?

This behaviour is going to do far more to alienate your children than anything your ex could possibly say.

@merryeagle

So you are the mam alienated from the kids?

For me, the key bit of missing information is here:

2013 - Ex and I separate
July 2019 - I remarry

6 years where you haven't clarified if you had your DC 50% of the time, did school runs, helped with homework, made them dinner, ran them to their clubs etc.

Or, if you saw them EOW, or sporadically and never had them overnight because you were in a house share/living with your parents/in your gf's house or whatever.

If a solid relationship with a parent is built up during the primary school years, it's a much harder bond to break during the turbulent teenage ones.

However, if you didn't have 50% care of your DC for those 6 years between 2013 and 2019 and then got married to someone your DC had never even met (possibly because you didn't see them very often?) I can see why they wouldn't be interested in a relationship with you in their teens.

As per one of the OP's quotes

The resident parent seems to have conflicting position, on one hand encouraging contact but on another holding negative views of the absent father.

So it appear it's the father estranged from the kids, but elsewhere a post says 'her' meaning the person alienated so it's hard to know for sure.

This reads like a man to me, though.

The attitude displayed here and your inability to take responsibility for your actions is your main problem.

You have no right to trample over their boundaries and minimise or dismiss their expressed wishes or feelings. This is how abusive men think and behave.

Your account of what has happened doesn’t make much sense and this is probably because a lot of relevant information is not being shared. I don’t think you are the victim.

Every post you make seems to be about your rights. Your right to see your children. Your right to contact. Your right to be at the school.

However hard it feels it’s the kids that matter most here.

What I’m seeing is one side of the story, but even if what you have said is the god’s honest truth, please listen to advice and give your kids space. Write. Send cards. Start a savings account. But do it quietly and respectfully.

Your desire to override and force what you want in this situation makes me think your description of events isn’t the whole truth.

I also think this is a variant of the crazy ex routine.

I just think you are going about it in the wrong way. Turning up at the school is crazy shit, so so embarrassing for the kids.

When you say you want the court acknowledgement so that you can tell the children later, that shows the extent to which your thinking is not child focused.
It’s easy to send regular texts, saying have a nice day, how’s school, do you want to meet for a coffee, and the like. Never slag off their Mum, and don’t create a situation where spending time with you involves them having to listen to their mother being insulted. (My kids just get up and leave if their father starts wanging on about me!). All your ‘how will they recover in the future’ sounds hollow- it really does.

You need to massively dial down the emotions. Make it easy for them to spend time and communicate with you.

Lastly I think it might be instructive for you to compare the number of times you have mentioned your rights, to the number of mentions of your responsibilities.

The problem is, even if this version of the story is the absolute truth, there’s still massive red flags from the Op.

There’s huge bits of relevant information missing AND the bits that are included are hugely concerning coming from a parent towards their children and ex.

Parental alienation exists. However, abusive people use the term ‘Parental Alienation’ as a way to justify continuing to abuse their ex and their kids.

This. It’s stalkerish and confrontational in a public place with multiple witnesses and with vulnerable children around.

if you want contact - keep asking gently.

Do you want to go for a Chinese next week? Or the cinema?