Adult Step child inheritance

[Maleficentthemagnificent]

DH and I have two children. He has a daughter from a previous marriage. I don't really have a relationship with her, in fact she isn't overly pleasant to me or her df. She was older so was never dependant on me in any way.
I have quite wealthy parents. My parents and I do not want their money being split with SD when I inherit it and then pass on. DH parents may leave him something but he probably won't be worth as much as me when he passes on. His assets will go between our DC and his DD.
Does this sound do able? I think we are essentially leaving each other nothing if we go down this route. Him wanting her and our DC to inherit from him and me wanting only our DC to inherit from me. Neither of us has life insurance at the moment but maybe that's also something we need to address. What are your experiences of this sort of thing? Interested to hest from anyone of a legal background or people who've done similar.

Similar picture here. We consider ourselves a family unit regardless of all the wider issues.
My parents consider that my chosen family consists of more than just my biological children.
All of our children will inherit equally.

Could your parents not just leave their inheritance gift directly to your children (held on trust or however thats done until they are of age)?

I suppose they could but I'd like to have a bit of money before I die too. We've not got a lot at the moment.

@nameohnameohname

I wish we were but we are definitely not a family unit. SD is essentially estranged. We see her very occasionally at family events.

That said she still needs to inherit from her DF. Just not from my family.

They could split it and earmark a certain sum for your kids?

They leave it to you. You leave it to your children.

Assuming you die after your parents but before your DH then the bulk if not all of your estate will go to your DH if you die intestate. Thereafter your DH could do anything he likes with your family money including leaving it to all his biological children (who would be beneficiaries if he were to die intestate anyway). If you make a Will then you can specify the beneficiaries - you could leave your estate only to your children (but what about DH?). You could make DH beneficiary of a life policy and the rest to your children.

of course if your DH were to die first then your step daughter would not inherit under the rules of intestacy but you are much better off making a Will

You need a will.

They leave it to you.. you leave it to your children.

His parents leave it to him.. he leaves it to all 3 of his children.

You just need this in a will.

Yes, it is doable done via wills. I would suggest that you do take out life insurance and each name the other as sole beneficiary.

Do you not have a will? This is listed in your will. You get to decide who gets your money in English law.

You need to see a lawyer and maybe set up a family trust with you and your dc as beneficiaries. While not totally foolproof, trusts provide separation and protection of money from spouses etc. in the event of death. Basically you won't own the money, the trust will. Also ignore posters who tell you to treat the kids the same. This is your family's money and for whatever reason this girl is not your family so you don't have to leave her anything. I am a stepchild too btw and have no issues with not being included in my stepparent's will, I have my own parents to inherit from as does your stepdaughter.

Are you an only daughter? Could your parents split inheritance between you and your kids 3 way so theirs is in trust and you get some too? Your third can go to husband if you die before him ( or however you choose to will it)

You can make a will to leave your assets to just your children. If you predecease your husband, it might also be wise to think about what he might need for security in the rest of his life e.g. if you own a house jointly, to allow him to live there for the rest of his life (or other period / circumstances you think is reasonable), but for it to be owned by your children. If you leave it to your husband (or die without a will), then it will be up to him how it is divided if you die first.

Your will should say that your inheritance from your parents is split between your two dc (ideally you will update it to specify amounts later on) and since you and your dh have lived together for some time the rest of your estate should go to him. You say you don’t have much now, so I wouldn’t bother begrudging a third of the rest of your estate bar the inheritance going to your sd if your dh still has it when he dies, and it will save a lot of hard feeling, while an inheritance from your parents is a different concept.

You really need to make a Will and take proper legal advice from a qualified solicitor. If you don’t make provision for your husband he could potentially claim against your estate which is an expense and level of stress that nobody wants. A solicitor can help you, most likely using some form of trust.

if you both own your home as joint tenants my understanding is that if one of you dies the property is automatically owned by the other, and doesn’t form part of your estate. Therefore if you wanted your children to inherit your share of this you’d need legal advice on changing this to a tenants in common arrangement in England.

I have DSC and children with my DH. We own property divided as tenants in common, life insurance would pay off our part of the mortgage and then our parts in the house left in trust to each other. My part of the house split 3 ways and DH 5 ways. If I was to receive any inheritance it's likely i would put it towards our (huge) mortgage then get the % ownership of the house recalculated and wills changed to reflect it. However if you wanted to keep the money as a lump sum in your bank I think you can just stipulate where you want your cash to go. You just need totally separate wills basically.

I’d make sure your kids get their share immediately when you die or your husband can change the plan.

You have two biological children. He had three biological children. So that's how you leave your money.
IN THIS CASE, where you've had no part in the SD's upbringing and she chooses not to have a relationship with you, there's no need for guilt.

Others will continue to post on here that they treat their SCs as equal family with their biological children. But their situations almost certainly will involve having spent time bringing up those SCs and being in touch with them.

I have something similar OP. A stepchild (SC) and my own child. I have an inheritance from parents who never saw actually SC as their family (not in a nasty way, they only met SC once). DH will be getting something soon from his remaining parent who is in his 90s.

DH is adamant that the 2 get everything equally but the way I look at it, SC would get 3 bites of the cherry- inheritance from DH parents and their own mother's and my parents whilst my own child would only receive from DH parents and mine.

I looked at what would happen if we die without wills and it looks like (if DH goes first) half of DH's would go to me whilst the remaining half would be split between the 2 kids. I am sort of using that formula in my own will - 75% to child and 25% (half of their dad's half) to SC. Then SC will also get something from their other side (they are one of 2 on that side too) whilst own child would be done and dusted.

Ofc the thing is, I will have to sneak in to make a private will as DH wants us to go in together and do 50/50 across the board.

Thanks everyone. Very complicated and emotionally charged subject. My DH is on board but we just need to think about how to manage it in different scenarios such as whether he should spend any of his inherited money or stash it for the kids etc. He seems to be looking at it like he needs to put it away for her whereas I see it that she would get a share of what is left. Also he's making no provisions for me but I am doing the same to him. He's the higher earner and if he were to pass before I inherit I could be a bit in the crap.
I'd share all my inheritance with him if it wasn't for her. So it sucks a bit really. I don't want my kids to lose a third of their inheritance if I die first. And to someone who doesn't want to be in our family.

"Also he's making no provisions for me but I am doing the same to him."

Not even a life interest in your home?

If you own the home as tenants in common (which, in this situation, if you don't already then I would suggest it is a good thing to change to) then it is usual to allow the surviving spouse a "life interest" in the property to allow them to remain living there as long as they wish to. Otherwise, his beneficiaries could force a sale of your home after his death.

As other PPs have said, what you want to happen can easily be achieved with a properly written will.