Am i stupid wanting a trust will rather than a mirror will?

[ssd]

We earn low wages, haven't been abroad for 6 years. Im considering a more indepth will which i think costs about £1000.
And looking at it objectively, theres no need. I worry about money and the future and dont want my kids renting forever. Ds pays a fortune in rent right now. I want them buying property but i know these days its a million times harder than it was for me in the 90s.

Im married, straightforward and simple, 2 kids. I know if i died (and i have health anxiety which plays into this) my dh would find someone else and remarry without it being a big fuss. Hes a really nice person and im sure he'd meet someone similar. But probably a bit younger than him. With younger kids. Which id be all for as i want him to be happy.

But...if he dies first she gets everything. Everything I've scrimped and saved for. I do all the finances here, dh has no clue. So she gets everything and its up to her what my kids get.

Which absolutely kills me. If they dont get anything from us they are fecked. So this small house/any savings would go to another family.

Do other people worry about this when you're both healthy and this is all pie in the sky stuff??

Am i being daft? Its not that i dont trust dh, but like i said hes a nice guy who doesn't worry or think about money like i do and wouldn't realise what getting remarried means legally with regards our kids and any inheritance.

Its all driving me nuts.

Can anyone talk to me. Please.

@FiveShelties what does it matter? I expect mine to take the same precautions to protect the kids as I have. So he did. In all honesty, it wasn't something he had ever really bothered to think about until I brought it up. They're protected, whoever dies first. That's all that matters

Maybe I am naive, but your will. You get to decide who gets what....

My DH has always been rubbish with money! I tried pooling finances in the beginning, to create shared wealth, but DH hated it. Hated being restricted, hated not being able to waste money frivolously. So for the majority of our marriage, finances have been separate, bar one joint account for bills etc.

We've always earned roughly the same (good earners) & I came into the relationship with more asset's (DH had none).

Anyway, cue years of scrimping & saving, I bought a property in my name only. DH has not contributed at all. The aim, is when I die, my kids will inherit & get half each to hopefully assist them to get on the property ladder.

I love my DH to bits but I do NOT want him getting his mitts on something he's not contributed to at all! Harsh as it might sound, I don't want him benefiting because I was better at managing money than he is. It's a legacy for our children. I doubt he'll have anything to leave them

@TakeOnFlea if would matter to me, if I was married to someone who I did not trust or who did not trust me.

Thanks @TakeOnFlea , that's a lot cheaper than i was quoted and a lot more realistic. We have mirror wills, I'm wondering if i could just add a trust to it then? I'm in Scotland, it might be different here. And can we do LPA ourselves then? Again i was quoted hundreds!!

Dh doesn't need a new will. Its nothing to do with trust. I'm more money wise/cautious than him. Ive spent the last 25 years making sure my kids are financially ok, its in my bones. Even if i re married a millionaire I'd get my will in order first so my kids get my money. Its all i care about.

I am much younger than my DH so me dying before him, and him remarrying is really very unlikely and absolutely nothing I ever worry about.
And yes I know people can die suddenly and young etc but I married a very decent and kind man who would never disinherit our DC. And not everyone wants to remarry. And please don’t say you never know, as I made my will and won’t change it based on some stranger’s opinion of my DH.

I understand what you’re saying but don’t you worry that if say you die suddenly and then later he starts with dementia or something similar and then someone comes along and manipulates him into signing the estate over to them eg a carer say or a random neighbour etc. (unlikely but it does happen)?

Ok. I’d love to borrow your crystal ball. Glad you know exactly how your/ husbands/ kids future will pan out.

That’s why the UK should adopt the same inheritance law as some of Europe. Spouse gets half, dc get half of the estate if you die. If dh remarries, his new spouse gets half and dc gets half again. It’s a lot better, and a carer would have to piss off with wanting anything unless a specific Will is made in their favour via a notary and I think it’s only about a quarter the carer could get of the total.

It's not about lack of trust @FiveShelties , it is about people 'not getting round to it' - which is the position millions of people find themselves in.

DH and I made wills like this years ago when the dc were small.

A joint will can’t be changed after one partner dies. (It can whilst both are still alive). It is unusual though.

But a new marriage invalidates a will you both made in good faith

I'm in England so not sure if it's different in Scotland but our LPAs were easy to do and cheap at £82 each.

As for "trusting your husband", well, that's all well and good but people do the strangest things in grief. I see it as protection from my potentially grieving self. We trust each other fully, no qualms there. Which is why we're happy that this property trust won't be an issue, even in grief.

Sorry, it’s a mutual will that is still legally binding after the death of one partner. It can’t be revoked after one party has died even if the second party remarries. They are incredibly rare though (for obvious reasons).

We have just done trust wills, it feels like the sensible decision as you never know what will happen in the future. It also means if one of you dies and the other goes into care then a proportion of the money is protected. I was also told it is more tax efficient, but honesty I wasn't all that fussed on that bit.

Get the tenancy of your property severed and make your will leaving your share to your DC with a life interest for your DH. My friends mum in her early70's died suddenly a few years ago, shortly after her H had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Within 6 months her dad had met a new partner, married a few months later and died shortly afterwards. Left everything to his new wife (who has DC of her own) because he trusted her to do the right thing. This was 20 years ago, it's no surprise that neither she or her brother ever got anything of their parents estate.

You could leave your half of the house to your DC to share with your DH having lifetime use. This would protect against expensive care home fees a bit as well. I think you need the house to be registered as tenants in common to do this.

Oh come on now?!
Anything else I should worry about? What if he goes online and meets an AI dating bot and transfers all the money tomorrow?

Not sure how it is in the UK. Where we live atm when 1 spouse dies, the other gets 50% and the children share the other 50% (if theres no will).
We made a will that gives the kids a smaller percentage (i think 10% or so) and the rest goes to spouse. Mainly because I wouldnt want DH to have to move out of the house or struggle. Theres a clause though, that if he voluntarily sells the house or remarries, he has to give the kids their shares.
We dont have a lot of cash, the house is the main asset. So he cant just sell it and splurge all the money away with a girlfriend. And if he remarries she wont get our kids inheritance.

It's not about trusting a DH so little it's about life. If you died with a mirror will and he remarried and didn't redo his will and died, the new wife would get everything. It's about assuring your DCs future. It also helps with preventing your half of the home being used to cover DH care home bills if it came to it.

Give it a rest. I made my choice, I am
happy with my will. My DH is much older, me dying before him and him remarrying is the least of my worries.

and not everyone remarries or leaves their kids out of their will.

As you are married, you have some protection against that. However, yes, you can't guard against everything. But that doesn't justify failing to guard against anything.

You may be right that your husband would never deliberately disinherit your children, but far too often a parent ends up accidentally doing so - their children's inheritance gets swallowed up in care home fees, or they remarry but fail to make a new will before they die.

Unfortunately, it is your children who will miss out if your crystal ball is less reliable than you think.

For all of those who say they'd be insulted if their DH asked for a trust will, if you remarry, and then divorce, you will have no choice in the way your assets are divided up on divorce. Much safer to have it all sorted straight away.

do you know anything about my circumstances, DH, his health, his values, our finances? No. Therefore please kindly shut up with these scenarios.

As I said before I am happy with my will and won’t change it no matter what you scenarios you or others make up here.

The change of will was suggested to my DH not me and he didn’t change his will as he is trusting me not to remarry and disinherit our children. I will leave this thread now.

My best friend has inherited nothing from her paternal grandparents, nor father. Every penny went to her step mother and half brother.

My grandfather moved in with a girlfriend at the age of 89. (Although in the end a fair distribution occurred.)
My neighbour had a stroke and had to have a carer, who promptly got into bed with him and proposed marriage. (Social workers got her out, after quite a fight.)

So, I strongly agree with writing a trust will.