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Original poster

Chances of 50/50 custody ?

48 replies

Beebop669 · 09/04/2024 20:48

Hi all 😊

Seeking advice on the chances of 50/50 custody.

My ex parter was present for the beginning of the pregnancy but later decided that travelling was his main priority and left.

He has contributed nothing financially since leaving and I can’t see him doing so until after the baby is born as he has took unpaid leave to travel.

There has been minimal contact but he is insistent on 50/50 custody from birth.

I want him to be present in our child’s life but I do not wish to give 50/50 custody due to his absence and lack of contribution financially.

I do not believe that after the baby is born he will change his ways and I believe he will continue to prioritise drugs, drinking and partying and I do not wish for my child to experience this instability (to summarise my reasoning)

On a personal level the thought of giving 50/50 custody and missing out on time with my baby from birth breaks my heart. I’m confused and angry as to why he thinks he can just be absent, leaving me to pick up the pieces yet expect equal rights?

Has anyone been through something similar or can offer some advice on the chances of him getting 50/50 custody?

Please no questioning on why I’m having a baby with this man, it was unplanned and what’s done is done. It was a long term on and off relationship that has finally come to an end. I am very excited for my baby but my main concern is stability for my child and I don’t believe 50/50 custody would help.

OP posts:
Nonewclothes2024 · 09/04/2024 21:03

Are you planning to breastfeed? I think the baby has to be with you the majority of the time.
I'm would bet anything he won't go for 50:50.

PotatoPudding · 09/04/2024 21:05

If breastfeeding, he won’t be able to have the for long periods, especially not overnight.

Fluffywigg · 09/04/2024 21:07

Don’t put his name on the birth certificate then he won’t have parental responsibility. I assume that will be the end of that for a few years.

Whattodo2024 · 09/04/2024 21:11

He’ll be going for 50/50 cos he doesn’t want to pay you anything would be my bet.
take the advice above.

Fiddlerdragon · 09/04/2024 21:13

He should not and will not get 50/50 custody of a newborn. Babies need a primary caregiver, they cannot spend half of their time away from their mums. I’m assuming he’s taking you to court to apply for the custody. That will take many months to begin with, so he won’t get any custody at all the beginning. Keep him off the birth certificate to delay him having any parental rights, just incase he takes the baby or refuses to give it back if you’ve given him contact. Keep records of EVERYTHING. Every nasty or threatening text message etc he’s sent you, including the ones where he’s telling you he’s taking your newborn half the time. It shows what a twat he is for saying that. It’s true that breastfeeding can delay overnight contact etc for longer. Hopefully by then he’ll have either sorted his life out and proven he can be a good dad. Or he will have lost interest and just leave you alone

Ilovethewild · 09/04/2024 21:14

Op, it is not usual practice for 50/50 for a baby.

it would be appropriate for you both to agree regular contact at ur home initially as baby so young, overnights wouldn’t be usual before 2yrs old, and would be dependent on his having space, appropriate items and showed ability to care for the child.

he will need to build his relationship with child.

is this likely?
don’t deny the child his family history, but don’t give legal rights to a waste of space

BoohooWoohoo · 09/04/2024 21:14

He would eventually get 50/50 but definitely not from birth.

If he’s into drugs, travelling and partying do you think that legal costs will put him off applying for 50/50?

Register the baby on your own and give baby your surname. Getting added to a birth certificate is a matter of filling in a form and paying a fee but it takes effort which he may not act on in an ideal world.

I suggest that you block him until the birth. There’s no need for him to know medical info before then and contact will just stress you out unnecessarily since he has no rights until the baby is born.

TheCheekyKoala · 09/04/2024 21:18

He will get 50/50 eventually…. At 1 I would imagine if he pushes but not as a newborn.

I’m unsure why you currently need lots of contact though… you are not together and there’s no need for him to keep contacting you.

PotatoPudding · 09/04/2024 21:29

People are giving you great advice.

He may well change his mind when he realises he won’t just have legal costs but will also have to buy a cot, highchair, bottles, half the clothes, etc, etc.

Nicetobenice67 · 09/04/2024 21:30

Fluffywigg · 09/04/2024 21:07

Don’t put his name on the birth certificate then he won’t have parental responsibility. I assume that will be the end of that for a few years.

Every child is entitled to have there fathers name on there birth certificate regardless

PineappleAreApples · 09/04/2024 21:31

Not as a newborn but no reason why he can't have 50/50 once child is older but if he is always travelling and partying and taking drugs then hardly sounds like he wants the child 50%?....

Fiddlerdragon · 09/04/2024 21:33

TheCheekyKoala · 09/04/2024 21:18

He will get 50/50 eventually…. At 1 I would imagine if he pushes but not as a newborn.

I’m unsure why you currently need lots of contact though… you are not together and there’s no need for him to keep contacting you.

Why will he get 50/50 eventually? Only 35% of fathers seeking 50/50 custody get awarded it, and in the majority of those it’s because the children are older and are asking to spend more time with their dad. It’s not as common as people make out on here. Children generally need a primary caregiver and it’s about meeting the needs of the children, and dads already showing that the baby is not a priority

Ladybir · 09/04/2024 21:38

Will he get 50/50 from day 1? Unlikely
Should him 'not contributing anything financially' have any nearing on anything? Absolutely not, he has no responsibility to pay anything for you. He has a duty towards his child when born but not you while pregnant

Fiddlerdragon · 09/04/2024 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnitaLoos · 09/04/2024 21:41

He won’t get 50/50 from birth. He’s talking crap. Breastfed babies especially need their mum all the time. And if you just happened to live a very long way from him, 50/50 would be extremely impractical.

PineappleTime · 09/04/2024 21:42

Not a chance. Stop engaging with him. Don't put him on the birth certificate and if you think there is any chance at all that he'd try to make off with the baby don't allow any unsupervised contact. In fact don't allow any until he's booked and paid for a mediation session so you can discuss realistic and reasonable contact with a trained professional.

Karensalright · 09/04/2024 21:52

@Nicetobenice67 In an ideal world this would be true, but for the fact this gives even the most awful of men rights, so that they can continue to abuse via a child, or avoid child maintenance. These bad men may go on to refuse to return a small child, or behave as a poster upstream described.

Where a mother as she has set out has safeguarding concerns, not putting a name on a birth certificate is a way of protecting an infant. So you should consider that, not blame a worried mother.

I would go as far as to say men should not have equal status of a child’s interests he needs to earn them.

TheCheekyKoala · 09/04/2024 21:52

Fiddlerdragon · 09/04/2024 21:33

Why will he get 50/50 eventually? Only 35% of fathers seeking 50/50 custody get awarded it, and in the majority of those it’s because the children are older and are asking to spend more time with their dad. It’s not as common as people make out on here. Children generally need a primary caregiver and it’s about meeting the needs of the children, and dads already showing that the baby is not a priority

Show quote history

The dad can’t go anything at the moment.
Whats he supposed to do? Rub the OP feet while she’s pregnant.
The baby isn’t here. He can’t help grow it and since they are not together he will need to buy all the practical things for his house as well.

BoohooWoohoo · 09/04/2024 21:52

The legal system takes time. I would advise not contacting him after the birth so he doesn’t know when to start the legal process and you don’t want him turning up at the name registration appointment throwing his weight about the name of your baby- strangely the crappest dads always have a fixation on their babies having their surname.

Nicetobenice67 · 09/04/2024 21:53

Karensalright · 09/04/2024 21:52

@Nicetobenice67 In an ideal world this would be true, but for the fact this gives even the most awful of men rights, so that they can continue to abuse via a child, or avoid child maintenance. These bad men may go on to refuse to return a small child, or behave as a poster upstream described.

Where a mother as she has set out has safeguarding concerns, not putting a name on a birth certificate is a way of protecting an infant. So you should consider that, not blame a worried mother.

I would go as far as to say men should not have equal status of a child’s interests he needs to earn them.

I get that I’m sorry

Karensalright · 09/04/2024 21:55

@Nicetobenice67 thats okay

Ponderingwindow · 09/04/2024 21:58

50/50 is for when children are older. When baby is first born, he won’t even be able to have his visits without you being there. You and baby are a package deal for the first few months.

To start, he can come visit the baby either in your home or near your home several times a week for a short visit.

Keep a record on if he shows up to these scheduled visits. That way when he wants to graduate to actually taking the baby on his own, you have a record that shows he either was or wasn’t consistent with his early parenting.

Original poster
Beebop669 · 09/04/2024 22:01

Ilovethewild · 09/04/2024 21:14

Op, it is not usual practice for 50/50 for a baby.

it would be appropriate for you both to agree regular contact at ur home initially as baby so young, overnights wouldn’t be usual before 2yrs old, and would be dependent on his having space, appropriate items and showed ability to care for the child.

he will need to build his relationship with child.

is this likely?
don’t deny the child his family history, but don’t give legal rights to a waste of space

Yes I would like him to have some sort of a relationship, just concerned about the amount of responsibility to give.

OP posts:
Daffodilsarentfluffy · 09/04/2024 22:01

The most vital thing your dc needs is you with decent mental health. They need this more than the name of an abusive cunt on a piece of paper...
End of preaching about dc needing a name in the df box.. They don't.
Block him. He can seek contact via the court route.

Original poster
Beebop669 · 09/04/2024 22:05

Ladybir · 09/04/2024 21:38

Will he get 50/50 from day 1? Unlikely
Should him 'not contributing anything financially' have any nearing on anything? Absolutely not, he has no responsibility to pay anything for you. He has a duty towards his child when born but not you while pregnant

Fortunately I’m able to provide for myself. I would not expect any overhead to be covered. I was talking about buying stuff for the baby before it’s here which I believed would’ve held some weight in this decision.

OP posts:
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