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Original poster

Ex agreed to relocation abroad. Is this it?

42 replies

amamaoftwo · 19/03/2024 20:38

Hi everyone,

My ex partner and father of our two children was recently arrested a second time for possession of indecent images of children and might or might not be put on the sex offender registry (adding details to see if it changes anything to our case at all) and he might not be able to have any contact other than supervised in the future if he's charged.

Therefore, he agreed for me to move back to my home country with our children (one is 2, I'm 7 months pregnant with the second one) and wrote a letter of consent stating that he trusts me and that it is for the children's best interest to move abroad.

Is this all I needed to do?
Right now he's not allowed any contact at all by police, once he is out on investigation, can I keep it this way?

Can he change his mind in say 6 months/one year time and request that we move back or that he I fly the children to the UK unsupervised on holidays. Can he change the conditions at all? He didn't mention anything about contact in the letter he wrote.

I would be moving to a country that's not part of the Hague convention if that is any relevant.
I was assured by a solicitor that it wasn't kidnapping but I'm scared that he will change his mind in the future.

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
amamaoftwo · 19/03/2024 20:42

Sorry, the children WILL be in a country part of the Hague convention

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 19/03/2024 22:18

In terms of you moving, yes, that is all that is needed. If he changes his mind after you have moved it will be too late.

If there are no court orders in place regarding contact, you don't have to allow any contact.

Original poster
amamaoftwo · 20/03/2024 01:28

prh47bridge · 19/03/2024 22:18

In terms of you moving, yes, that is all that is needed. If he changes his mind after you have moved it will be too late.

If there are no court orders in place regarding contact, you don't have to allow any contact.

Noted, thanks so much

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/03/2024 01:31

you refer to him as partner, not husband ?

and do you want to move ?

Original poster
amamaoftwo · 20/03/2024 01:40

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/03/2024 01:31

you refer to him as partner, not husband ?

and do you want to move ?

Yes, we aren't legally married
I'd like to move yes

OP posts:
LadyFrumpOfFumpington · 20/03/2024 01:41

Also worth noting he doesn't have any rights to decide what nationality the unborn baby is. You can decide that yourself by ensuring you're living in the other country when you give birth. He can't demand you remain where you are until after birth. He can't control what you do with your own body or where you live even if you're pregnant with his baby.

Even if he refused to let you remove the older child from the current country, you could still leave that child with a relative and go live/give birth in your home country so your unborn baby would have that nationality at birth

I've worded it a bit clumsily but I hope you understand what I mean. I'm not saying you'd want to leave your older child behind either permanently or even temporarily, I'm just saying you could.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/03/2024 10:05

That you are happy and willing to move, and that you are not married are 2 positive aspects.

Would the solicitor be prepared to put what he advised in writing ( useful back up in addition to father's letter )

Are you able to travel before giving birth ? or are you past the date allowed to fly - if flying would be the method of travel.

If I were you, I would be leaving as soon as I could,

Good Luck - you are in a sad situation - not caused by yourself !

Poochycatmum · 05/04/2024 18:31

I’m afraid it has no bearing at all whether you are married as previously mentioned by another post with regards access to the children. Does the 2 year old have him named as the father on the birth certificate? If yes then he has parental rights regardless of his offending and providing you with a letter. If he
is not on the birth certificate then I don’t think he could do very much if you lived overseas at least not easily and would have to prove paternity. I think you would be in a very strong position with the letter if he tried to claim kidnap. Whether it would have legal standing would depend on the view of the courts at the time and the circumstances in full. Keep a chronological record of everything including the advice and name and details of the solicitor who advised you. It can be really hard to remeber details after the event and a chronology will be helpful to you , your advisors and the court if ever needed and good evidence. Keep it factual. I personally would not add him as the father on your new baby’s birth certificate. I would also move and do my best to cut all ties with him in view of the offences he is facing. As he has signed this letter would not not be worth showing a solicitor and getting proper legal advice so you know for sure where you stand? It will give you peace of mind. If he does have parental rights he can apply to the court in the future and try for contact or to have the child / children returned to the UK if one other or both are UK citizens. The court would be obliged to hear his case. That does not mean they would agree but he has the right to make an application and have it heard. I honestly recommend you get legal advice from a family solicitor with expertise of jurisdiction so you know exactly what you are dealing with but I wouldn’t let it change your plans if this works best for you and the children now but information is power and you can over the coming months and years protect yourself and the children with the benefit of this information. Good luck and stay strong an offender rarely changes if ever.

Original poster
amamaoftwo · 05/04/2024 18:54

Poochycatmum · 05/04/2024 18:31

I’m afraid it has no bearing at all whether you are married as previously mentioned by another post with regards access to the children. Does the 2 year old have him named as the father on the birth certificate? If yes then he has parental rights regardless of his offending and providing you with a letter. If he
is not on the birth certificate then I don’t think he could do very much if you lived overseas at least not easily and would have to prove paternity. I think you would be in a very strong position with the letter if he tried to claim kidnap. Whether it would have legal standing would depend on the view of the courts at the time and the circumstances in full. Keep a chronological record of everything including the advice and name and details of the solicitor who advised you. It can be really hard to remeber details after the event and a chronology will be helpful to you , your advisors and the court if ever needed and good evidence. Keep it factual. I personally would not add him as the father on your new baby’s birth certificate. I would also move and do my best to cut all ties with him in view of the offences he is facing. As he has signed this letter would not not be worth showing a solicitor and getting proper legal advice so you know for sure where you stand? It will give you peace of mind. If he does have parental rights he can apply to the court in the future and try for contact or to have the child / children returned to the UK if one other or both are UK citizens. The court would be obliged to hear his case. That does not mean they would agree but he has the right to make an application and have it heard. I honestly recommend you get legal advice from a family solicitor with expertise of jurisdiction so you know exactly what you are dealing with but I wouldn’t let it change your plans if this works best for you and the children now but information is power and you can over the coming months and years protect yourself and the children with the benefit of this information. Good luck and stay strong an offender rarely changes if ever.

Thank you for your reply!

I spoke to a solicitor and they told me that he couldn't force us to return to the UK under UK law, that we would be considered residents of the new country and only the law of the new country would apply. Hague convention wouldn't apply here either as he's agreed to us moving.
I'm hoping all goes well and my children are safe

OP posts:
MooQuackNeigh · 05/04/2024 19:01

Yes that sounds like it's fine to go but if you have concerns he will change his mind I would go asap. Better for the kids to be settled in new country and baby born there if possible for them and you (rather then anything to do with ex partner.)

PrimalLass · 05/04/2024 19:12

Just go - as soon as you can.

Scarletttulips · 05/04/2024 19:16

Once you move the children will be settled in their new home, childcare, assume you have family etc so a support network.

These are all positive - and no judge will make you return.

Get cracking and get organised and move before he changes his mind:

Original poster
amamaoftwo · 05/04/2024 19:57

Thank you
I will be moving in a couple of days, tickets are booked

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/04/2024 20:03

It's good to move before he goes to trial - no reason for his barrister to beg for leniency in sentencing, no chance of him claiming that you trust him with the children so he couldn't have done it and no chance of him changing his mind as soon as (Heaven forbid) he gets away with it in court and withdrawing permission.

Once he has a second conviction, he's unlikely to be able to bother you again.

Hopefully, you're not telling him exactly where you're going? So you can go absolutely zero contact as well?

Original poster
amamaoftwo · 05/04/2024 20:22

Thank you for your reply. These are excellent points!

No he doesn't know where exactly I will live

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 05/04/2024 20:30

' a couple of days '

oh good for you !

will you come back and let us know all went ok ?

Original poster
amamaoftwo · 05/04/2024 20:30

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 05/04/2024 20:30

' a couple of days '

oh good for you !

will you come back and let us know all went ok ?

Yes, I definitely will!! x
Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
amamaoftwo · 08/04/2024 01:25

Hi all! Just to update that I've made it home today

OP posts:
SignoraVolpe · 08/04/2024 01:34

Pleased you're home safe op.
Hope all goes well with the birth.

Original poster
amamaoftwo · 08/04/2024 01:37

SignoraVolpe · 08/04/2024 01:34

Pleased you're home safe op.
Hope all goes well with the birth.

Thank you so much xx

OP posts:
siameselife · 08/04/2024 01:39

Good luck and good job OP.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 08/04/2024 11:11

Oh good ! It's so lovely to read a happy positive update. Well done you must be so relieved !

YourBluePlayer · 18/04/2024 06:20

Hi everyone,
I'm OP. I forgot the email I used on my previous account so I've created a new one.

Just a rant more than anything and a quick update.

I have been extremely stupid and ignorant and didn't do my do diligent research on the law of the country I am in.

I moved to the Muslim country I was born in, and it turns out that it is illegal to give birth out of wedlock here. I am British but British by descent so my baby will not be automatically eligible for a citizenship and will therefore have to be registered as a having the nationality of my birth country, unlike me. Which basically means she won't be legally recognized and won't be able to be registered or have a birth certificate, so she will be stateless and I risk one month to a year in jail.

I'm past 36 weeks so it will be hard for me to be authorized to travel back to the UK. And if I do, I put my children at the mercy of my ex partner again. Refuges won't take me in as I'm abroad right now.
I'm so lost and I feel like the worst mother on earth. I have constantly been failing my children.

Hols24 · 18/04/2024 06:46

I'm so sorry to hear that I'm guessing Saudi Arabia? I would do my best to get back to the UK to give birth but I'm guessing that's going to be difficult at 36 weeks. Hopefully someone will be along soon with some good advice.

Theunamedcat · 18/04/2024 06:52

Is there no country close by you could get to that allows you to give birth?

How do they "know" your unmarried?