Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

What can I expect from court please ??

38 replies

Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 10:32

This might be long so apologies in advance 🫠
my dd just turned 4 months old . I did 50/50 with her dad a couple months ago due to feeling pressured into doing so . The days he came to see her when he didn’t have her at his house he was noticeably high , and stinks of cigarettes.
I started getting concerned because he was smoking cannabis when she was there , said he left her with his mum so thought okay fine she’s safe with her .
until he told me he brought dd in to his mums room while she was half asleep and she slept with my dd in her bed WHILE SHE WAS SLEEPING! I don’t even put my dd in my bed unless I’m fully awake and she doesn’t sleep there , so why on earth would his mum do that . She was even giving her gripe water FOR REFLUX ???!!! when I said I didn’t want her having it .
he also took dd to his friends house who smokes cannabis in his kitchen in his words “for not even 10 mins” even tho on text he told me he only smokes weed when he’s with this guy .
so after all that I reduced contact and said he can have her every other weekend (I wanted to stop completely. But I actually thought he was gonna call police on me cause he’s on birth certificate) he and his mum then said no they’re getting a solicitor on me and won’t see dd till it’s sorted .
I then went to a solicitor and she said I can stop contact so that’s what I did . Dd dad then text me saying he had a talk with his solicitor and thinks we should make an arrangement ourselves so he said he’ll take her every other weekend but can’t pay me any money cause he quit his job. I already said my solicitor will be in contact and that was that . Now my solicitor rang me today to say he responded to the letter by going to a solicitor and they’re meeting with him tomorrow to discuss the letter my solicitor sent to him, so I’m guessing the whole him going to a solicitor was just a threat. Social services were involved as he made threats to me when I was pregnant
my solicitor said in the letter he has to pass a hair follicle test . I’m just wondering , when he takes me to court how does it work ? Will his solicitor ask me questions ? (I’m quite sensitive and anxious so I feel like I will fumble my words and start looking like I’m lying or not being truthful) or do the solicitors talk on our behalf ? Will they use it against me that I handed her 50/50 before hand ? Will they grant him overnights because she’s already stayed there before ? Any advice is appreciated. My solicitor was in such a hurry due to going to court for something else that I couldn’t ask her all my questions . Tia

OP posts:
Ttc125 · 22/02/2024 10:41

No experience op but couldn’t read and run. Your ex sounds like a pleb!
hopefully someone with knowledge will come soon xx

Ellamaee · 22/02/2024 10:55

Because she’s stayed before I’d say he would be granted overnights.

Ellamaee · 22/02/2024 10:56

Agreed with pp though he does sound like an arse . Also I think that you take the stand and the solicitor asks you questions . That’s how I seen it on tv anyway 🤣

namechangefornow123 · 22/02/2024 10:57

She is way too young to be away from you at night.

I don't suppose you're breastfeeding? That would be a good idea...

Original poster
Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 10:59

namechangefornow123 · 22/02/2024 10:57

She is way too young to be away from you at night.

I don't suppose you're breastfeeding? That would be a good idea...

I’m not breast feeding as it didn’t work for me unfortunately. If I start now they’ll think it’s out of spite ! I’ve lost my supply or I would ..

OP posts:
Original poster
Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 10:59

Ellamaee · 22/02/2024 10:55

Because she’s stayed before I’d say he would be granted overnights.

this is what I’ve feared

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2024 11:12

You need to tell your health visitor all of this so that it is documented. There are safeguarding concerns here.

Original poster
Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 11:15

endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2024 11:12

You need to tell your health visitor all of this so that it is documented. There are safeguarding concerns here.

All the relevant people know. Social services, health visitor , etc . They all just suggested I stop contact and let him take me to court

OP posts:
Original poster
Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 11:16

I just think stopping contact will just delay contact . They will probably grant him 50/50 as I’ve seen worse cases than this and awarded 50/50

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2024 11:17

Are they going to provide support/ written statements?

Original poster
Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 11:23

endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2024 11:17

Are they going to provide support/ written statements?

I have no idea , my solicitor said the social worker probably will, unsure of health visitor tho as she’s left and I’ve just gotten a new health visitor I’ve not met yet

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2024 11:35

Hopefully your solicitor will ask for them.

PoisonMaple · 22/02/2024 11:41

You will not be cross examined.

If he makes a C100 application, you will respond to that application with a C7 and a C1A. You will file a C2, which will be asking for special measures in court, separate waiting areas, and a screen in the courtroom for you to sit behind.

You will have an interview with Cafcass, as will he. Cafcass will then give their recommendations to cirut before the hearing.

Your solicitor should file your position statement with the court before the hearing.

On the day, both parties will discuss how they want contact to look before you get into court. This is not done directly but through your legal reps.

You then go into the courtroom. Legal reps make submissions to the bench. If the other side is self representing, he will address the court.
He does not get to question you or vice versa, and your legal rep will do all the talking.

Depending on what's agreed, you either get a final order or an interim order with a view to your next hearing.

PoisonMaple · 22/02/2024 11:42

Look into legal aid if you're part of proceedings. Eligibility is you must be in receipt of UC and be able to prove that you've been a victim of domestic abuse.

Original poster
Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 11:59

PoisonMaple · 22/02/2024 11:42

Look into legal aid if you're part of proceedings. Eligibility is you must be in receipt of UC and be able to prove that you've been a victim of domestic abuse.

i qualified for legal aid and I think he did too . So will our solicitors talk on our behalf ?

OP posts:
Pickles2023 · 22/02/2024 12:27

As far as I'm aware from past friends in similar circumstances..if a hair strand test has been recommended/suggested..contact in courts won't be ordered until those results.

Although I'm unsure on courts stance on weed, cocaine came up in my friends case and so he didnt get overnights and it was supervised for a year.

I would take it step by step and not think too far ahead as courts are unpredictable.

You are well within your rights to stop all contact until this strand test on premise of safe-guarding and needing reassurance no drugs are around baby.

Not to be paranoid, but regular weed usage, with friends that dabble it isnt far fetched to think there could be other substances you aren't aware about.

Your solicitor will liase on your behalf with his, so you won't have any interrgation. In the court room your solicitor will be there to support you x

shearwater2 · 22/02/2024 12:58

Plus surely a 4 month old being away from their mum unnecessarily is not in their interests, bf or not. They will just be upset, surely?

Ttc125 · 22/02/2024 13:01

Pickles2023 · 22/02/2024 12:27

As far as I'm aware from past friends in similar circumstances..if a hair strand test has been recommended/suggested..contact in courts won't be ordered until those results.

Although I'm unsure on courts stance on weed, cocaine came up in my friends case and so he didnt get overnights and it was supervised for a year.

I would take it step by step and not think too far ahead as courts are unpredictable.

You are well within your rights to stop all contact until this strand test on premise of safe-guarding and needing reassurance no drugs are around baby.

Not to be paranoid, but regular weed usage, with friends that dabble it isnt far fetched to think there could be other substances you aren't aware about.

Your solicitor will liase on your behalf with his, so you won't have any interrgation. In the court room your solicitor will be there to support you x

Edited

Thank u , daughter going through similar so this comment helps. X

Ttc125 · 22/02/2024 13:02

shearwater2 · 22/02/2024 12:58

Plus surely a 4 month old being away from their mum unnecessarily is not in their interests, bf or not. They will just be upset, surely?

Courts will probably see it as the child should have both parent’s equally I assumed x

Original poster
Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 13:06

Pickles2023 · 22/02/2024 12:27

As far as I'm aware from past friends in similar circumstances..if a hair strand test has been recommended/suggested..contact in courts won't be ordered until those results.

Although I'm unsure on courts stance on weed, cocaine came up in my friends case and so he didnt get overnights and it was supervised for a year.

I would take it step by step and not think too far ahead as courts are unpredictable.

You are well within your rights to stop all contact until this strand test on premise of safe-guarding and needing reassurance no drugs are around baby.

Not to be paranoid, but regular weed usage, with friends that dabble it isnt far fetched to think there could be other substances you aren't aware about.

Your solicitor will liase on your behalf with his, so you won't have any interrgation. In the court room your solicitor will be there to support you x

Edited

thanks so much for the info x

OP posts:
Original poster
Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 13:06

Ttc125 · 22/02/2024 13:02

Courts will probably see it as the child should have both parent’s equally I assumed x

Show quote history

I thought this too

OP posts:
Luckydog7 · 22/02/2024 13:15

I thought that generally courts didn't recommend overnights for babies until they were much older, 2 or 3. Having a primary caregiver is really important at that age.

Is his name on the birth certificate? If not he has zero rights to contact. He can get his name on there but it's a longer process and she will be older by then.

You can argue perfectly validly that you thought you didn't have a choice to give him overnights but you thought better of it when you saw he was high/using drugs and you don't want her in that environment so stopped allowing contact.

She's so young to do 50/50 it's really unlikely this will be recommended until she's older. More likely a couple of hours a couple of times a week. No overnights.

Original poster
Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 13:32

Luckydog7 · 22/02/2024 13:15

I thought that generally courts didn't recommend overnights for babies until they were much older, 2 or 3. Having a primary caregiver is really important at that age.

Is his name on the birth certificate? If not he has zero rights to contact. He can get his name on there but it's a longer process and she will be older by then.

You can argue perfectly validly that you thought you didn't have a choice to give him overnights but you thought better of it when you saw he was high/using drugs and you don't want her in that environment so stopped allowing contact.

She's so young to do 50/50 it's really unlikely this will be recommended until she's older. More likely a couple of hours a couple of times a week. No overnights.

Yeah he’s on the birth certificate, so I just assumed he’d be granted over nights x

OP posts:
Heartbreaktuna · 22/02/2024 13:35

Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 13:06

I thought this too

Show quote history

But at FOUR MONTHS OLD?! absolute insanity. With a drug user who has already left her in dangerous sleeping environment.

Original poster
Ellarose23 · 22/02/2024 13:54

Heartbreaktuna · 22/02/2024 13:35

But at FOUR MONTHS OLD?! absolute insanity. With a drug user who has already left her in dangerous sleeping environment.

Show quote history

I just assumed that because he’s got equal rights , I have to do 50/50 like he wants so i felt pressured . Surely he could take her and stop contact with me cause of equality ?
I was so shocked when he told me that his mum “built pillows around her bed so she wouldn’t fall” and went back to sleep with her like that in her bed . That was the first time I felt an instinct to stop contact

OP posts: