To whom should maintenance be paid?

[mejustmenothingtobe]

ExH has just informed me that from this month he will pay child maintenance to my soon to be 18 DS rather than me and I will have to 'negotiate' what proportion of the maintenance I can get from him directly. After I had picked myself up off the floor I was told that 'everybody' does this. This is absolute bollocks, no?

Yes, absolute bollocks. He sounds like a right nob.

🤔 your son will be legally an adult.

On that basis, I think the ex can theoretically pay to maintenance to him instead of you.

Obviously there ar other factors at play like where he lives, school, college or uni, ...

I would request that he begins when DS becomes 18 and no sooner. Post that, it's probably the right thing to do, and it will then potentially cut those ties of communication with you, which sounds like you could do with! Let him get on with it.

Your ex may be correct depending on what your ds is doing. Maintenance can be stopped at 16 or continue to be paid up to the age of 20 if the child is still in secondary education. If your ds is at school still then your ex needs to keep paying. If he has left school then your ex can stop entirely or pay directly to the child.

When did you expect it to finish? If your ds leaves school this summer then it will stop then so you’re quibbling over possibly a few months.

It's quite normal, and it's actually no longer obligatory for him to pay. Decent dads would continue until July at least then support their children directly for university, though my ex still pays me maintenance for dd who is way older, has sn

This is common when the child goes to uni/gets an apprenticeship/starts supporting themselves in some way.

If the child is still living with you and you are expected to pay his living expenses then it's less reasonable.

I'm not sure if you can stop him doing it though.

Technically maintenance ends when child benefit does (if you claim it). If this will be happening as your son gets to 18, or if he is already out of education, then there is nothing you can do.

Personally, I can see where your ex is coming from. He wants to give the money directly to his adult son. Your son could pay you housekeeping out if it.

You need to now set a "rent" amount for your ds to pay you and/reduce the money you give him

If your son is in full time education (excluding uni) then he pays you until this stops or he turns 20.

It is not normal to pay a child directly when they turn 18 if that child is still in school. Never met anyone that has had that happen.

I would inform your ex that he can pay what he likes to your son, but if he doesn't continue to pay maintenance to you, you will be putting in a maintenance claim and it will be due on top of whatever he has paid DS

Assuming maintenance is still legal due (I.e. DS is still in full time education), I mean

So much bad advice on this thread. Of course fathers should support their children, but kids grow up and so that stops. Spousal support is not much of a thing in the UK.

You've made provision for this, right OP?

I suppose you could say your son now has to meet all his personal expenses from that money. So phone contract, clothes, transport, etc etc.

It's child support, not spousal support, and is due until the child is 20 if they are still in full time education.

Once the child leaves full time education that would be earning themselves, so expected to contribute to the household from their wages, or at uni and so receiving loans to assist with their living costs.

But child might be an apprentice, or have left school. Thus no child benefit and no mandatory maintenance.

It should come to you until child benefit ends or DS leaves ft education. If he stops paying you direct can you tell the CMS he hasn’t paid if you’ve arranged it through them?

Once child benefit ends etc he should pay it to DS. Has he said why he wants to change it now? Has anyone told DS?

Is your DS currently doing A levels? If he is, you can start a claim via CMS if you’re unhappy with your Ex giving it to DS directly.

There are a few incorrect posts on this thread but most are correct. Child maintenance stops at age 16 or when the child finishes full time secondary education, whichever is the later. If your child has already finished secondary education, your ex is free to make the change. If he is still in secondary education, your ex should carry on paying you until he does finish.

Although, without further context, can’t really see what the problem is with his proposal.

Thankyou everyone, much appreciated. Some context....

DS is 18 in March. He is still at school, doing A levels. Uni (hopefully) in September. I expected the maintenance to continue in some format until he started Uni at least, that being the legal minimum. Ex will (and has) tried everything in the book to minimise maintenance. There is no spousal maintenance. My position thus far has been that while DS is at school payments should remain the same and remain being paid to me.

In response to the comments re CMS, Ex is self employed and has already hoodwinked them with understated profits etc etc. I don't want to go thru that stress again if possible. On the other hand, I don't want to be pushed around. If this latest tactic from ExH is ahem, unusual then I will continue to push back hard. Hope that info helps in the advice given so far. And thank you again.

Sounds like he thinks CMS is only due to 18th birthday, like a lot of people. You could send him the government info, but unless he decides to pay it, I'm not sure you're going to get far claiming a handful of payments between now and August. Probably your ex knows this if he is adept at playing systems.

Maybe your best bet is still to get DS to pay housekeeping from it.

There are two problems really...

1. He's pushing me around. Informing rather than agreeing arrangements. Control is a big issue for him.

1. Based on previous behaviour this may well be an initial step to trying to get DS to move out and go live with him completely...sort of 'move over to my house and you can have your maintenance money' type of argument. I don't think DS would be that daft (my house is the 'sensible' place where homework gets checked, illness get treated etc etc) I don't want him to have to be faced with a choice like that as i think it's emotionally unreasonable.

Agreed re housekeeping but again, I think I should be making some kind 9f stand or he'll continue to think he can just dictate the financial position.

my house is the 'sensible' place where homework gets checked, illness get treated etc etc

Aside from the obviously difficult back story, your DS should not have to be hounded to do his homework or make medical appointments as an 18 year old A Level student.

Are you wholly financially reliant on maintenance or are you (quite rightly) sticking up for what is rightly his?

I have an 18 year old doing A levels and I had no problem with her dad paying her rather than me. She uses it to buy her clothes, toiletries, train fares, run her car etc which is fair enough. It's going to stop soon enough anyway, so I don't and never have relied on it for my household bills etc.