Changing next of kin

[User19798]

I have had a life changing medical diagnosis and am processing the situation atm.
A major concern is that DH is irresponsible and Co dependent and unsuitable to make decisions about my care/finances.
I will not be separating from him in the near future.
I want DD18 and DS21 legally responsible for my care decisions and finances if I am not competent
Can I put this in law with out divorce or do I have to divorce?
Can I leave the house etc to the children and prevent DH remarrying and everything going to her/her children

DH has never contributed to family finances but we have been married 25 years and I own my own home with no mortgage.

Thanks for your time

I'm very sorry about your diagnosis, this must be an incredibly difficult time for you and I hope you have support (if not from your husband)?

I don't know answers to most of your questions but I think you will need to speak to a solicitor & financial consultant about how you leave your share of the house to your children. I believe there are ways to protect their inheritance but it's something that will need proper inheritance planning (and might involve a trust or some form of legal registration of interest).

Hi OP - sorry re your circumstances,

I'm pretty certain you can have more than one next of kin. However, re not having your OH as that re legal matters - Goole for solicitors that specialise, in wills - or see link below re power of attorney - BUT consult a solicitor please

https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

Good luck OP

You should be able to take out LPA's with your children named as your attorneys as they are both aged 18 or over. Speak to a solicitor but should be pretty straightforward and you wouldn't have to divorce

Good luck x

You can do the LPA but make sure your dc agree and that they understand the position with your husband. You need to do finance and health LPAs. Plus you would be well advised to see a solicitor with dc. I know others on mn think you can do this alone, but as they are young, it’s best to get a solicitor to explain everything to them.

Plus do make a will.

Next of kin has no legal standing.

What you need is a bombproof will to cover all eventualities and to donate power of attorney (health and welfare, as well as financial) to your dc. Then they can act in accordance with your wishes (make sure they clearly know what they are) if you were lacking capacity to do that for yourself.

This sounds like a tough situation so good luck op xx

You need to make an appointment with a solicitor as a priority.

My understanding is that you can leave your assets to whoever you want to in a will but if your DH has grounds to assume a claim on your property he could contest. (Contributed towards upkeep etc).

You may be advised to give him a lifetime interest to live in the property - if your DC also live at home then should he move on he may well move out.......

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis - is everything else in order such as life assurance etc? You can nominate your dc to receive any benefits etc but as a pp said... this needs to be bulletproof.

Thanks so much everyone
This is extremely helpful
I need to know my kids are going to be ok, and I need to sort it all out quickly.
Thanks for understanding

Dc both v mature. DS likely to have huge earning potential but DD has specific needs and I need to know her dad can't do anything irresponsible/stupid and leave her having to leave her home if I am incapacitated/die.

It's very hard to process it all

Thank you

There are very specific reasons DD and DS won't want the house sold/anyone moving in. It's been a challenging situation with me enabling their father's lack of maturity and irresponsible behaviour without realising it.

I just need to know they can keep this house as long as THEY want

DC v close and DS v protective and loving towards his sister

I have a will and am revisiting it
I have good pension savings assigned to DC, also an investment property in my name which I will happily let DH have. I am happy for him to stay in the house. But he cannot move a girlfriend in and make DC move out. My F did this, I need to prevent this possibility. DH has never had much of an income and is irresponsible with money but believes himself to be frugal.

He is also viewing my diagnosis as a personal tragedy for him, and not thinking about me at all. He's even developing illness of his own over the last month since my diagnosis. It's not good.

You need legal advice about your will and about Lasting Power of Attorney. (The expression 'next of kin' confers no legal powers of decision).

It sounds incredibly challenging.

My understanding is as long as you consider your DH he'd struggle to challenge your will.

Ie he can live in the house and have a lifetime interest. But as you say, should he meet someone else he can't move them in.

I'd be wary of leaving him an investment property outright too. You could maybe say all income to go into a trust to cover expenses on the properties.

It sounds complicated but it needn't be and would be worth the cost of setting up trusts properly. A good trust solicitor is what you need here.

Seek legal advice about leaving the house to dc but what happens to the house if one of them wants to move a partner in or sell their half. You need poa for decisions if your dc are happy to be attorneys. I doubt you can prevent him remarriage, wouldn't it just be easier to divorce and sell the house.

It is hard. We've been together since 18, I have warned well and done the bulk of the child care etc etc too. He's a nice man, generally but very self centred and I think he'll find a person to look after him very quickly. He's very handsome and superficially charming.
DC are remarkable young adults. I want to leave the house to them, with DD having the right to stay and DS can be bought out or agree the sale of other assets etc. DS is very pragmatic, sensible and frankly a rock. DC have been so supportive and so selfless, just living and amazing and I am grateful to DH for these truly outstanding young people I have to make this time good.

*earned

Is the house owned as joint tenants or tenants in common? As TiC you can leave your share to the DC in your will.

Both on the deeds, bought as a married couple, I'll need to investigate
The mortgage is paid off
I will need some work on the house to make it ok for me in terms of access but this is affordable from savings

Hmmm, there are two ways of owning a house; joint tenants , and tenants in common.

The bad news is that if ‘joint tenants’ the house quite simply belongs to a surviving owner on the demise of the other. If owned ‘ in common’ each can specify that their half (or other proportion) is left to a beneficiary of their choice in their will.

If you own as joint tenants and want to leave your share of property direct to your Dc you have 2 potential options, I think. Change the ownership to ‘in common’ or divorce.

OK.
So you can apply online at gov.uk for lpoa for both health and welfare and finances and make your dc your attorneys.
It's £83 for each.
You need specific advice wrt your will.
I'd suggest looking at setting up a Trust for your dc. You could also protect your half of the house equity.
I'm sorry you are in this situation.

I love DH, I always have. Never had another boyfriend. He’s not an unkind man. He’s autistic and won’t get any treatment. He’s an artist, incredibly talented but feels money is beneath him whilst spending plenty on whatever he fancies.

He’s a great cook, he cleans, he was an excellent father to young children dedicated, devoted and able to live in the moment in a way I can’t.
He also have very good sex, and he makes me laugh a lot. I love him.

I don’t want him left homeless or penniless. But he is in full agreement that he will not cope without me. He’s had a LOT of female interest over the years - he’s been 100% faithful but I am sure will quickly move on. Likely with someone younger. He may have more children, he is very very good at this so why not? I don’t want him being lonely, I want him to be happy and not a burden to DC but my money is for my children. My own father has been terribly behaved in this respect and I am not having it. I will divorce him if it is necessary to protect the house for DC, DD cannot easily relocate.

Find a strong solicitor this weekend and speak to them first thing on Monday. (Or find a few and make initials calls on Monday)

Pp is right - you need a "bombproof will"

Is this not a conversation you can have with him? My Dh and I have discussed this eventuality.

Everything we have built together is for our dd only but we'd each be able to move on should the unthinkable happen.

Others have already covered the LPA aspect.

If the house is owned as joint tenants, you should sever the joint tenancy. That will mean you each own 50%. You can then leave him a life interest in your half of the house in your will, with it passing to your children when he dies. You can also, if you wish, add other things that will trigger termination of his life interest such as cohabiting or remarrying.

Divorce may change things, but he will still be entitled to a fair share of the assets, including the house. That may be 50% of the house. In order to avoid any possibility of him making a claim against your estate, you would need to ensure that he was not financially dependent on you at the time of your death.

See a solicitor who can give proper advice once they have all the facts.

In your first post you say you bought the house yourself. Now you bought it as a married couple? Do you mean you bought it together but you pay the mortgage?
It does sound like it was bought as Joint tenants, in which case it will be passed to the surviving spouse in full. This cannot be changed without his agreement.

If you do divorce, the house will likely be split 50/50 anyway, considering the ages of your dc

Just have a conversation with your DH, he might agree to a deed of trust to sever the joint tenancy.