Will reading - can executor exclude DIL of dear departed from attending

[Macmoominmamma]

Hi all

Grateful for your wise advice please.

FIL is receiving end of his life care and is currently in hospital, too weak to be moved. He has left a Will and named executors for his Will reading. DIL and he have long been hostile and he wants her excluded from this Will reading, with only BIL, DH and myself in attendance. BIL’s wife (DIL) is kicking off and insisting on attending the Will reading.

DH doesn’t want her to attend as he knows his DF can’t stand her. And frankly SIL can’t stand her FIL either 🤷‍♀️.

Question is - can the executors decide who can attend. And does it make a difference if DH and BIL are the executors? Context DH and BIL are cordial but tense as SIL has caused friction between them.

Families eh! 😔

No, DH would never want to increase any tension between him and any member of his family. He has a strained relationship with BIL due to SIL attitude towards his family/ us. FIL wanted me there, we’ve always been close and I believe I am a named beneficiary.

SIL has always been spiky with FIL and caused much tension between FIL, BIL and DH. She’s been awkward about his care, treating his money as her own personal inheritance and is furious about being “left out.” I can’t be arsed with the bother tbh, but I can see her causing trouble if attending as she can start an argument in an empty room. I suspect that her previous conduct is behind FIL’s thinking. He's always tried to protect his family, SIL included until her true colours were revealed, and he is a kind, thoughtful and reflective man, even close to death. He is definitely not looking to score cheap points, it’s just not his nature, but he will step up when required. He clearly thought it was required in this instance.

FIL wanted me there

or

Apparently FIL has specifically requested and mad provision that his Will is read at a meeting with his solicitor and his executors (DH and BIL).

So which is it ?

If the written provision is, as you originally said, for his solicitor and executors, then you ignore what was said after and stick to that. same as unsaid bequests don’t mean anything compared to the written will.

Beneficiaries don’t need to be involved at that point so even if you are included you don’t need to be there.

☺️ FIL wants me there. And I’m a beneficiary.

It won’t make any difference to your FIL at that point

It may very well make a massive difference to how smoothly working as coexecutors goes for your husband and brother

The poor man is still alive and the family are arguing over the will.

I don’t understand why you need to be there when it is likely to inflame tensions? You aren’t an executor. A very strange and petty move by your FIL to want you there and exclude your SIL.

Isn’t that why she wants to be there, to get one over on sil? She clearly doesn’t like her, her husband is the one trying to ban her, she wants to front up to make it a bigger kick for her,

we all know there is no need for a reading and the op goes. It’s just another shitty family sticking it to each other,

Change the will.
If SIL attends or sees it then BIL is cut out.
Enjoy her sour face during the reading! Ha.

Can't you all just concentrate on making his final days/weeks comfortable and relaxed, and argue over his dosh after he actually dies?

Just do the reading with DH and BIL and don’t go yourself. then it’s in accordance with wishes and removes the DIL problem.

Why would you need to go anyway? Even if you are a beneficiary, it makes no difference to hear a reading. A will reading is extremely odd anyway. I am currently executing a will and there has been no reading - I had a copy of it anyway years before he died. I executed another will when my FIL died a couple of years back as well. A reading is totally bizarre and this problem is easily solved as above.

Is it that FIL particularly wants an Agatha Christie style will reading, or does he think you have to have one so had tried to make it drama free by saying SIL is not to be there?

If it's the second, would letting him know it doesn't need to be a thing solve the problem?

Would of thought FIL could give instructions about the will reading to the solicitor who would deal

I know right?

Imagine spending your dying days so consumed with hatred for someone that you would engineer an entirely unnecessary situation (a meeting that isn't required in the first place) purposely designed to cause conflict either between your son and his wife, and/or between two brothers.

What a sad waste of time.

Totally agree. And OP seems to be enjoying it too. Really terrible.

My mil was obsessed with having a will reading. She wanted us all there, me in black wearing her pearls. Never happened of course. DH was the only executor and already had a copy of the will. Original was in a vault at the solicitors.

Agree, sounds like her and her husband are enjoying this. It’s awful how some families behave, this is two brothers,the brothers wife, and they are so focused on how to make it a worth while bullying opportunity.

My lovely FIL hated my SIL. She's a controlling hateful person who was nasty to all the family and controls poor BIL to within an inch of his life. FIL left a letter with his will stating that BIL was not to be involved with handling his estate and that SIL had to stay away. BIL still got his share of the estate, but SIL was kept out of pissing the rest of us off.

Just let your DH go to the meeting with the solicitor with his brother. Both brothers can (and probably will) tell their wives of the contents of the will afterwards. If they're both executors they should each have a copy of the will.

Fucking hell OP, let him die before you start shrieking with glee

He was probably fond of Succession...

Quite.

You are clearly just loving the drama.
After he has gone, it is the 2 brothers and their wives who will be left to get on with one another or not.
There is no need for a film set of dramatic 'reading of the will' , but if the brothers want to go through with the film script they can, but you could choose to do the sensible thing and say 'there's no need for me to be here'.

It would be so much easier for each executor to receive a copy of the Will-plus the solicitor will charge to hold the reading and their hourly rates aren’t cheap! It’s a complete waste of money, tbh.

Why don't you just not go?
Easiest solution surely? Your DH can let you know what you've been left.

The poor man is inventing scenarios to exclude the other dil. She might well be awful but he’s not exactly covering himself in glory.
@Macmoominmamma Whether you’re a beneficiary or not you don’t have to be there. It’s pretty classless to attend.