Not married to OH. What happens if he dies?

[Adviceneededpleaseee]

Hi all.

Looking for some hypothetical advice. Me and DP are engaged and have one DC and another on the way. We got engaged before Covid and then the wedding went on the back burner due to me having a baby and then getting pregnant again. We do plan on marrying once this baby is born.

I am not on the mortgage. Our house is owned solely by DH. I am the sole beneficiary of his life insurance policy which will pay off the house plus leave £1M+.

Neither of us has a will at the moment. Fully aware we need to get this done ASAP.

If DH was to die tomorrow - who would get what (the house, the life insurance and DHs assets)? His mum and also a brother are still alive if this makes any difference.

Please no posts telling me how important is that we get married and make a will, we are both fully aware how important this is (we just need to get round to it!).

thank you!

We made wills as soon as I discovered this.

Legal protection means nothing until shit happens. Then it's everything.

I find these situations fascinating but very distressing. OP - I hope you see how serious this is. Are you afraid of what he might say/what action you would need to take if he says he won't marry you now?

You also need endures that the dc are protected if you die.

My DD’s situation is fairly similar, with the wedding a couple of years away. It worries me terribly and she and her fiancé refuse to consider her fragile position legally. I’ll suggest she reads the thread.

A will can be handwritten or typed , signed, dated then needs to be witnessed by 2 people not related and not beneficiaries.

The will must be signed in the presence of both witnesses, then both witnesses must sign in the presence of the testator and each other. All three need to be together and all sign at the same time.

The plot of more than one detective novel turns on this point!

Quite so, my dear Honoria, quite so 🧐

Quite so, my dear Honoria, quite so 🧐

You and your husband had some anxieties about a will too, as I recall, Mrs Fentiman.

Honestly I think you need a solicitor ( I am not one )

I agree trusts don't "just happen " - you have to set them up via a solicitor as far as I know As a layperson , I think the house could be paid off and then goes to relatives and you get the remainder of the life insurance. Assuming this is specifically said to be yours and not just to pay off the mortgage.

It would be reasonably easy would it not to get your name on the deeds so that at least half the house is yours. Is there a reason the house is not in your name also. If the house is paid off then that goes into his estate would not necessarily be yours - how children would be treated I do not know .

Like others I think waiting until you are married to make a will , your choice. You may have to update it once married but for the sake of going to a solicitor before the wedding I personally would do it, especially if you are hanging out for wedding after baby. I would do a quick registry office and have a big wedding party / blessing later.

All in all I think if something were to happen then you could end up with an unholy mess to sort out. & people make wills , arrange their affairs in case something happens - making a will , getting married won't make it happen.

Even if you get married you still need a will.
If he died intestate the rules of intestacy would kick in - whether that would be relevant to you depends on the value of the estate.
Also to address a point previously you cannot form a civil partnership now with the intention of a marriage later on - CPs are not marriage lite - they offer the same legal protection as marriage for your situation.
And, of course, if something were to happen before your baby was born he could not be recorded on birth certificate without intervention by the courts (it would be an administrative process really but one you could do without no doubt).
Get married (or form a CP) as quickly as you can - it will tie up all your loose ends. And make a will either in contemplation of marriage or one now and one directly after you marry.
Do it for your kids if nothing else.

I know someone whose partner died. His relations stripped his flat. She was not on the lease. No recourse as he had no will or anything. She could have dug up receipts to say, "I paid for the TV 4 years ago," etc, but who even has the energy for that.

He was atheist, actually against religion for some strong personal reasons. The funeral home would not release the body to the girlfriend. His parents did a Catholic funeral he would have hated.

And buried instead of cremated. He had said he would never want to be buried.

The rules have definately been changed and you only have until February I think to back date your claim

Get Wills , which can be done ‘in anticipation of marriage ‘ so that you don’t need to make a new will after marriage.

Yvonne of Marlow Wills is a MNer, a lawyer in her compsny that just does wills. Cheaper than all the other quotes we got, all done v quickly after thorough in-depth phone conversations and a few e mails.

A will will tie up the house issue if paid up by the life insurance policy.

The is a LOT of bilge on here.

You get the Life Insurance. End of. Assuming it’s already in trust as that’s the only way you could be named.

The existing DC gets the house and all other assets. A Trust would be created and you would likely be a Trustee, but a big family row could ensue. Think GP’s getting involved.

You do not have to pay off the mortgage, but that would cause an issue. Unless there is a separate assurance for the kids, that’s your money, not theirs. You would be wise to only lend them the money.

Is your DP work pension declared for you? If not you have a claim.
What about work life assurance. It ‘might’ be in Trust but legal structures vary, and but the Life Assurance could cause an IHT issue if not directed correctly.

Depending on the value of the estate, your DC could pay IHT.

The bit I don’t know, is about your unborn child. THAT is an issue. Imagine 1 child gets the whole residual estate…

I hope you’re still reading OP and are taking some action as that’s really the best bet.

Is the life insurance written in trust and are you down as the beneficiary?
That takes it out of his estate (the trust) so no IHT due.
DD’s friend had to rely on the generousity of her Fiance’s parents when he was killed in a bike crash, the life insurance paid out to them even though it was linked to their mortgage.
Most workplace pensions with Death in service benefits now pay out to a non married partner if they’ve lived together for at least a year.

The point about the life insurance policy is also that the DP could change that at any time in theory and the OP wouldn't even necessarily be aware.

Get married & make a will pronto.

This.

Instead of worrying about what happens if he dies dies tomorrow, get married as close to tomorrow as you can.

@madaboutmad you say a trust would be created and OP would likely be a trustee. Who would create the trust and nominate the trustees and beneficiaries, after the death of her partner?
When DH and I set up trusts for our dc we both had to sign the documents.

So if someone dies and there are assets, laws of intestacy apply. The OP’s DC will inherit. The OP is going to get involved as the parent and legal guardian of the child.
As a minor the DC cannot own the property so a Trust structure will be needed. A solicitor would be needed. I expect the OP or possible the dead DP’s parents - this can be where the arguing starts, would be Trustees. It happens a bit like this-

The Administrator is needed (no executor, there is no Will). If the family can’t agree who this is the courts decide - the arguing can continue here.

The Administrator will create a Trust (drafted by a solicitor), they appoint Trustees - themselves no doubt, but could also include the OP. More arguing, but maybe not, depends on the people and the relationship.

The Trust assets are owned by the Trustees for the benefit of the beneficiaries. I would expect therefore they all stay in the house and life resumes. The OP as guardian could apply to court to ensure this and I would be confident of the outcome. Possible upset, but Judges are usually pretty sensible, no one is turfing the child out.

OP can also get a legal agreement of repayment/security on the loan she makes to the Trust to pay off the mortgage. The Trustees sign that - which could be her as a Trustee, but it’s a separate legal
entity.

The difficulties:
undue upset and possible 3rd party interference from dead DO parents.

• possible additional legal costs due to point 1
• The DC owns the house and can turf out OP at 18
• No structure or controls

Plus we are still unsure about the possible sibling situation.

If the court points the OP as Administrator (I think very likely, but not a given), then the OP runs the show. The bit that trumps the usual ‘you’ll be out on your ear, you’re not married’, is the DC. Hopefully the death of a parent doesn’t totally fuck up their teenage years, and add any stress to the relationship….

Thanks @madaboutmad.

That sounds tedious. Thank goodness we have done ours. We are on our 3rd updating of our wills, life insurance policies and associated trusts. It is a bit time consuming but absolutely worth it as our 2 surviving children are now in long term relationships, buying property etc.
When our eldest son died suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 27, we realised just how tragedy can happen out of the blue and spent some time getting professional advice.
One of the really awful things that happened several months after our son died was receiving a horrible, threatening letter from HMRC about his uncompleted tax return for the few months prior to his death. We had no idea that as his NOK we should have completed one. It was the furthest thing from our minds.
A reminder to anyone who is unfortunate enough to lose a child or spouse. Apparently you have to make sure you file their tax return.

I sorry to hear that, how terrible for you. Devastating.

Yes the stress of sorting an estate WITH all the paperwork is bad enough, but without, well, nightmare isn’t overstating it. Coupled with the loss, it’s unbearable. No one tells you what to do!

I'm in a similar position, only male. Unmarried with children, not a beneficiary of the life insurance, nor the death at work benefit, nor the pension. Our child is also not a beneficiary. And I'm not even an emergency contact in case something goes wrong.

The only positive I can think of is that I'm able to support myself and my child if my partner dies. It wouldn't be luxury but comfortable. I've tried to fix it but I've had no joy (she drags her feet on these matters). As others have said, get married and that'll sort it out to an extent. Especially in the case of your unborn child should something horrible happen before the birth.

Agree. Whats the ppoihnt of worrying about it? In many countries you have to do the civil marriage/Civil partnership in the registry office before you do the big shebang. YOu can just book a couple of appointments in the registry office and do it then have a 'ceremony and party later.