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Original poster

Not married to OH. What happens if he dies?

128 replies

Adviceneededpleaseee · 11/12/2023 14:05

Hi all.

Looking for some hypothetical advice. Me and DP are engaged and have one DC and another on the way. We got engaged before Covid and then the wedding went on the back burner due to me having a baby and then getting pregnant again. We do plan on marrying once this baby is born.

I am not on the mortgage. Our house is owned solely by DH. I am the sole beneficiary of his life insurance policy which will pay off the house plus leave £1M+.

Neither of us has a will at the moment. Fully aware we need to get this done ASAP.

If DH was to die tomorrow - who would get what (the house, the life insurance and DHs assets)? His mum and also a brother are still alive if this makes any difference.

Please no posts telling me how important is that we get married and make a will, we are both fully aware how important this is (we just need to get round to it!).

thank you!

OP posts:
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5
furtivetussling · 11/12/2023 14:31

Forgot to mention, since you are not married and if he dies while you are pregnant, your DP may not be able to be put down as the baby's father when you come to register the birth. I know this definitely used to be the case, although the law may have changed now.

SoSad44 · 11/12/2023 14:32

Seriously woman at least make a will. TODAY! Don’t wait around until he marries you, you are not even on the mortgage!!
Baffling why you put yourself in this situation. If you leaves you tomorrow, you are left with nothing.

LylaLee · 11/12/2023 14:33

furtivetussling · 11/12/2023 14:31

Forgot to mention, since you are not married and if he dies while you are pregnant, your DP may not be able to be put down as the baby's father when you come to register the birth. I know this definitely used to be the case, although the law may have changed now.

Exactly. It's like me claiming Matt Perry was the father. You can do DNA testing but it's a faff, long and expensive.

Nearlymelanie · 11/12/2023 14:34

Please don’t follow the advice of the poster above about making a will by printing out and signing an email! It must be witnessed. Wills are so important to get right and home made wills are very often defective. Please use a solicitor.

IdealisticCynic · 11/12/2023 14:36

The really big thing you should consider is that if you are not married, you will have to pay inheritance tax if your DP dies. That is then less money to raise your children with.

Bonkers not to just go and get married/have a civil partnership ASAP when there are children involved. Have a quickie wedding in the next couple of weeks and have a wedding celebration later. Seriously.

DidiAskYouThough · 11/12/2023 14:36

Also, wills between legally unconnected people are irrelevant, can easily be changed.

maximist · 11/12/2023 14:37

Go to freewills.co.uk and make a quick will leaving everything to get, print it out and get it signed and witnessed. I used them and it's very straightforward, just ignore all the paid for upgrades they offer you.

If you want a more complicated will with trusts for the children you can do that at a later date (it'll supersede the first one). But get a basic one done now!

SylvieLaufeydottir · 11/12/2023 14:42

The quickest way to solve all of your problems - and your biggest one is the fact that he could make you and your DC homeless tomorrow, after a fight or having his head turned - is to get down the registry office. No, not after the baby is born. Now. This is way more important than a party. You can have the party later. Get the legal protection now, unless you want to be sleeping on people's sofas with two DC in tow.

"DP would never do that to me." Literally every woman who's ever been left homeless by the breakdown of a relationship thought the same.

Reallybadidea · 11/12/2023 14:45

If he was on life support his mum decides what happens- not you.

This is utter rubbish and why you'd be better off Googling and getting info off gov website than asking randomers on the internet. There are lots of good reasons for getting married but this is not one of them!

CaramelMac · 11/12/2023 14:45

So much incorrect advice on this thread, if you want legal advice see a solicitor not randoms on the internet.

Tempnamechng · 11/12/2023 14:52

I understand not all women want to get married before children for various reasons, but you should at least make sure you are named as each other's next of kin, this isn't just about death, its about one or the other of you also becoming incapacitated. The warning about inheritance tax is a good one.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 11/12/2023 14:56

Adviceneededpleaseee · 11/12/2023 14:12

We do plan on doing this once I’ve had the baby.

Two options imo:

Get married now. You don’t need to consider yourselves “properly” married if you want a ceremony and or celebration after the birth.

Or:

Get legal advice (not from Mumsnet, from a qualified solicitor) and make your wills (also with qualified help). This will take time and cost money.

LakeTiticaca · 11/12/2023 14:59
  1. Get married
  2. Each make a will
PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 11/12/2023 15:02

SylvieLaufeydottir · 11/12/2023 14:42

The quickest way to solve all of your problems - and your biggest one is the fact that he could make you and your DC homeless tomorrow, after a fight or having his head turned - is to get down the registry office. No, not after the baby is born. Now. This is way more important than a party. You can have the party later. Get the legal protection now, unless you want to be sleeping on people's sofas with two DC in tow.

"DP would never do that to me." Literally every woman who's ever been left homeless by the breakdown of a relationship thought the same.

This.

there are ways to recreate many (although not all) of the protections given by marriage. but they’re usually rather expensive (you’d be wracking up some solicitor fees…) and complicated.

and even if everything goes well and they’ll get married after the baby is born.

Why spend time on wills and agreements if they want to get married anyway? Seems like a waste of money and time.

Gettingfedupgrrrr · 11/12/2023 15:02

You have and are having a child with him, you live together, ...just go to the registry and formalise it , ASAP. Then do the fancy stuff party dress etc afterwards. It isn't going to make much difference. Its like insuring your house...you wouldn't wait 6 months to do it because all sorts of stuff can happen within those 6 months.

neeep · 11/12/2023 15:03

Adviceneededpleaseee · 11/12/2023 14:12

We do plan on doing this once I’ve had the baby.

why wait?

Keepinmovin · 11/12/2023 15:06

Just get a will in place pronto. That should take care of the immediate problem until you get married.

pontipinemum · 11/12/2023 15:08

You say you know how important it is to get a will. Well then go get one! DH and I got wills done a few month ago. Mostly out of worry for what would happen DS if something happened both of us.

I am in Ireland so diff laws but I would think if he died without a will the life ins would go to you as you are named but everything else to your child.

A will took about 30 mins with a solicitor.

ActDottie · 11/12/2023 15:12

I think your husband should write a will saying the house will be yours. Otherwise I think it’ll go to his mum/brother/other family etc.

If you’re really worried just get married at a registry office and then have the party bit later on.

NowYouSee · 11/12/2023 15:16

OP what is the point in going down rabbit holes on trustees when that whole potential intestacy disaster can be completely avoided by a will drawn up today? You don’t have to put tremendous thought into nuancing it (eg might you want to make small bequests to charity, nieces and nephews etc) as you can always make basic ones now and update them later. And note they are automatically revoked on marriage.

As an unmarried partner living in your partner’s house you are extremely vulnerable unmarried, not just due to inheritance tax. Certainly avoid any further hits to your career until that ring is on.

LylaLee · 11/12/2023 15:17

If you go to the registry on 7th January for example, you can still celebrate your anniversary on 15th July, when you have your wedding celebration with friends, family and the dress. You don't even have to tell anyone you got legally married beforehand.

BigDahliaFan · 11/12/2023 15:21

And you don't have to get married now if you don't want to....but make wills for you and your children's sake.

Itsjustmeee · 11/12/2023 15:21

Well it’s not your house
it’s his house at the moment
and it will stay that way until you either marry or get added to the deeds

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