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Original poster

Prohibited Steps Order, advice needed

44 replies

TrentCrimmsHair · 03/12/2023 08:30

Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a tough spot right now and could really use some advice. Apologies in advance for the long post!

I'm a mum to two wonderful kids, aged 8 and 10. My ex and I separated about a year ago, and since then, we've been sharing custody with a court-approved arrangement. Recently, I've been offered a fantastic job opportunity in another city, and I'm seriously considering moving there with the children for a fresh start.

Here's where it gets tricky. My ex has just taken out a Prohibited Steps Order, preventing me from making any changes to the kids' living arrangements without his consent. I was completely blindsided by this, and I'm not sure how to proceed.

I feel torn because I genuinely believe this move would be in the best interest of our family. The new job offers financial stability and better opportunities for the kids, including a great school. However, my ex is adamantly against it and is using the court order to block my plans.

I'd love to hear from anyone who has been through a similar situation or has any knowledge about Prohibited Steps Orders. What are my options here? Is there any way to challenge or appeal the order? How can I demonstrate that this move is in the children's best interest? Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
disappearingfish · 03/12/2023 08:32

However good it is for you, it's not going to help the children's relationship with their dad. He is their parent too. How far away is this other city?

Pingu135 · 03/12/2023 08:33

When your Ex applied for the PSO did he know about your plans to move. If so did you say anything to the Court about your plans and your reasons

Original poster
TrentCrimmsHair · 03/12/2023 08:47

The other city is roughly 300 miles away from where we currently are.

I've been open and honest with my ex from the beginning, I was blindsided by the PSO and I don't recall being asked for my side.

OP posts:
disappearingfish · 03/12/2023 09:21

A 300 mile move will completely destroy any chance he has of being a meaningful presence in their lives. Can't you understand why he's got an issue with you moving?

VWT5 · 03/12/2023 09:25

300 miles, that’s about 6 hours driving time I guess.

Original poster
TrentCrimmsHair · 03/12/2023 09:27

disappearingfish · 03/12/2023 09:21

A 300 mile move will completely destroy any chance he has of being a meaningful presence in their lives. Can't you understand why he's got an issue with you moving?

Not really, he has a very flexible job so if he really wanted to he could relocate near where I want to move to.

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 03/12/2023 09:41

It sounds like this is a temporary order pending a full hearing where you will be able to put your case.

If you want to be allowed to move with your children, you need to put some serious thought into how they will maintain contact with their father. "He could move too" is not an adequate answer. He should not have to move to maintain contact just because you want to live somewhere else.

wejammin · 03/12/2023 09:46

The PSO only stands until any further order of the court. Has it been listed for a return hearing?

You need to cross apply for a Specific Issue Order for the court's permission to relocate. The court will then determine what's in the children's best interests. Not at the application stage, but at some point after, the court will order a statement and you will need to set out all the details of your proposals (finances/employment prospects/schools) most importantly the contact arrangements - would you allow dad to have most of the school holidays if they're with you in term time, etc.

MadeForThis · 03/12/2023 10:08

Is he very involved in their lives? If so I totally understand why he is blocking the move. 300 miles is a massive distance to maintain a close relationship.

He shouldn't have to relocate because you want a new job. You're not in a relationship any more.

millymollymoomoo · 03/12/2023 11:01

Why don’t you go and leave the children with their dad and you visit them occasionally?

thought not

Soontobe60 · 03/12/2023 11:05

The most important thing to children with divorced parents is that they see both parents as much as possible. By moving so fast away, you are totally preventing this from happening. No wonder your ex is fighting this!

BrassOlive · 03/12/2023 11:09

You need to make a counter application for permission to be able to move - but if the kids are settled where they are and they have a meaningful relationship with their Dad I don't fancy your chances

BoohooWoohoo · 03/12/2023 11:17

Your ex isn’t unreasonable to try legal methods to stop you moving.

You aren’t unreasonable to want to take an amazing job but I think that the court wouldn’t allow the kids to move because of the effect on the relationship with their father. Would you consider leaving the kids with him so you can take the job?

Original poster
TrentCrimmsHair · 03/12/2023 11:37

Absolutely under no circumstances will I leave my children with my ex partner, if he doesn't like it then like I previously said, he can also relocate.

My children have a good relationship with him, however I really want this job and a fresh start.

What would happen if I ignored the PSO?

OP posts:
Enterthewolves · 03/12/2023 11:42

This isn’t about you - it is about your children. If you can’t imagine leaving your children why should he? And why should he move? What if you decide to move again in a few years?

Sweetladyjane · 03/12/2023 11:46

I can understand him not wanting to lose regular contact with his children. You’ll need to put together a very compelling reason why the court should approve the move - you wanting a fresh start and saying he can relocate too isn’t going to cut it.

AdultLounge · 03/12/2023 11:47

TrentCrimmsHair · 03/12/2023 11:37

Absolutely under no circumstances will I leave my children with my ex partner, if he doesn't like it then like I previously said, he can also relocate.

My children have a good relationship with him, however I really want this job and a fresh start.

What would happen if I ignored the PSO?

Blimey!

It's all about you, isn't it?

What about your kids? What's best for them?

Living 300 miles from their dad???

ZoeyBartlett · 03/12/2023 11:50

TrentCrimmsHair · 03/12/2023 11:37

Absolutely under no circumstances will I leave my children with my ex partner, if he doesn't like it then like I previously said, he can also relocate.

My children have a good relationship with him, however I really want this job and a fresh start.

What would happen if I ignored the PSO?

The Court could give him full time custody and he would be the resident parent. You need to listen to the other posters and have some plan to maintain the children's contact with him.

Motnight · 03/12/2023 11:55

TrentCrimmsHair · 03/12/2023 09:27

Not really, he has a very flexible job so if he really wanted to he could relocate near where I want to move to.

Show quote history

It does seem as though this whole situation is all about you,Op.

itsgettingweird · 03/12/2023 11:56

So you absolutely wouldn't leave your children and move 300 miles away.

Yet you act like their father - the other parent - is wrong to feel the same way.

And why should he relocate because you want to? You aren't together any more. You share children and have an arrangement on how to do that for the children's best interests.

You sound cruel tbh.

prh47bridge · 03/12/2023 13:04

TrentCrimmsHair · 03/12/2023 11:37

Absolutely under no circumstances will I leave my children with my ex partner, if he doesn't like it then like I previously said, he can also relocate.

My children have a good relationship with him, however I really want this job and a fresh start.

What would happen if I ignored the PSO?

If you go to court with this attitude, you will struggle to convince the judge that you have your children's best interests at heart. How would you feel if he moved 300 miles away with them and said that you can relocate if you don't like it?

If you ignore the PSO that will be contempt of court. The children will be returned to where you live now, whether you like it or not. You could end up facing a prison sentence. You will have demonstrated to the courts that you are unreasonable. You could find that your children are moved to live with their father permanently, with you only having occasional contact.

Your children have the right to a relationship with their father. If you want to move 300 miles away, you need to figure out how you are going to facilitate that relationship. Insisting that he moves if he wants to maintain contact is not acceptable. It is not fair on him and it is not fair on your children.

MissBattleaxe · 03/12/2023 13:20

Rather than uproot your children, deprive them of regular contact with their father and expect their father to move 300 miles away if he doesn't like it, why not look for a different job offer?

What about your children's friends, extended family and grandparents? Have you thought about that at all?

Sometimes having kids means you can't always make the choices you would if you were single. This is one of those times.

MissBattleaxe · 03/12/2023 13:24

Also, your kids are 8 and 10, they will really feel this kind of drastic relocation and it will uproot them, especially just a year after their parents have separated. This is not "best for your family" it's what you, and you alone, want to do.

Soontobe60 · 03/12/2023 13:45

TrentCrimmsHair · 03/12/2023 11:37

Absolutely under no circumstances will I leave my children with my ex partner, if he doesn't like it then like I previously said, he can also relocate.

My children have a good relationship with him, however I really want this job and a fresh start.

What would happen if I ignored the PSO?

In other words, you dont actually care about your children’s feelings.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/12/2023 13:55

Surely no school is going to be better for your children’s wellbeing than living close to their father. How often does he have them now? You say shared custody but do you mean 50/50? If you move them 300 miles ago realistically how often will they be able to see him? I don’t see how only seeing their dad a few times a year will be in their best interests.

Surely you can find a job closer to where you live than 300 miles away?

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