Changing child’s name after separation (father not agreeing)

[Missylow]

Hello, I am looking for some advice, and potentially experience on the following.

My ex and I separated 18 months ago, and my children have their father’s surname. We were never married and I have my own name. I would really like my children to also have my name (e.g. first name Dadname Mumname). I don’t want to remove his name, I just want the children to also have familial name connection to me, as their mother. In addition, on a practical matter, I’ve been stopped at border control before and have had to prove our relationship by bringing their birth certificates. Obviously that isn’t a fun situation.

Their dad has parental responsibility, and he refuses to agree to this.

Has anyone had a similar situation? I am considering a court order to apply for a name change, but I don’t know if there is any chance this will be accepted.

Go to court. You’re not taking his name away, but adding another, he has no business objecting, and if he wants to waste his time going to court, great.

You have a better chance with trying to double barrel their surname than if you were trying to remove his name completely, but it isn't guaranteed.

Note that, if you are taking the children out of the country, whether for a holiday or for any other reason, you need his consent or, if that is not possible, a court order. A Child Arrangements Order naming you as someone with whom the children are to live will allow you to take them out of the country for up to one month without needing his consent.

You want to double barrel rather than delete his and replace with yours so I think that you should go to court.

Having changed a child's name, my understanding is that you either need both parents to agree, or a court order. Or wait till they're 18.

For understandable reasons, the courts will be reluctant to let one parent change a child's name unilaterally when the other objects. I don't know if the question of whether the name change is "reasonable" will even be considered.

What a nasty post. Why shouldn't the OP want to add her surname to her children's name? She is allowed to change her view as the situation changed.

How old are your children OP? They can change it themselves by deedpoll when they hit 16.

At school you can have a known as name. Add it at school for now.

This is why women shouldn't name their children the man's name if they aren't married and/or don't have the same surname.

Not legally. If the school follows government guidance (and the decisions of the courts), it will use the child's legal surname.

You can apply to court but it's a lot of faff for a very small thing. Just keep photos of your kids' birth certificates on your phone and you never have to think about it.

I did. Just said if he couldn't think of a single reasonable objection then I would go to court. It's double-barrelled and as we travelled a lot when my son was younger it definitely helped with the border control.

I've never understood why women do that.

DD is 15. She can do a Deed Poll at 16 to change her name.

She has already changed her name with school, so it appears on everything EXCEPT her exams as they have to be in her legal name.

We have a Deed Poll ready and waiting, dated for her 16th birthday, and then the school will change her name on her GCSE entries and we will change it everywhere else as well, doctors, bank, college etc.

What made you so angry?

Because men ALWAYS have nicer surnames than the women. They even, by some miracle, have nicer surnames than their sisters

Well, obviously!

What a supportive and constructive post. Especially “grow up”

I know so many friends who have double barrelled their kids names on separation id come to think it was the norm . Many of my friends have reverted to their maiden names too as part of the process .

rainbow maybe the dad wouldn't let her double barrel the names. Mine wouldn't.

I did double barrel them for school and activities though as we have zero contact with him. We've never been aboard so that issue never occurred.

Ah yes, that'll be it 😄

Following this as I'm in the same boat. I would make life alot easier if they was double barrelled

Dh and I kept our last names and double barrelled to add a brand new one... the last name we gave dd.

So we are Ms my last name + dd last name and Mr his last name and dd last name.

Dd is miss her last name

We are married.

When she grows up, we will explain that she can do the same thing if she wants.

My ex and I made an agreement that if we had a boy, he chose the first name and had his last name and a girl, I chose the first name and she would have my last name.

He bullied me and both my boy and girl have his last name. We were never married.

Absolutely regret to my soul letting him put his shitty last name to any of them.

@SwordToFlamethrower how did you choose the new surname? I'm interested in doing something like this.

@justonemoreuser you can do a deed poll at 16.

@Missylow it might be worth taking it to court. If you don't want to remove his name entirely then it's reasonable imo. But I'm not a judge, so they might disagree.