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Original poster

Is this Mum stealing from her sons?

55 replies

Vanillarose1 · 27/10/2023 14:28

Sorry for the emotive title but I have my suspicions that this is exactly what MIL is doing.

DH's dad died in the 80s while working for a charitable foundation, leaving behind 3 sons - 15,13 and 9. He was a popular figure so they kindly set up an ongoing index-linked payment to support his family. This is unusual in itself as I've only ever heard of lump sum death in service payments.

The payments went to DH's Mum even though she had been divorced from his dad for some time. Makes sense as the boys were still young. However, she is still getting these payments to this day. They are now in the region of £1500 per month - they do not go to the sons. In fact, she used the money to retire at 40. She has no money worries which is not the case for her sons.

Surely the money should have been going to the sons once they reached 18? She wasn't a dependent - they were divorced! How can she still be benefiting from his death 45 years later? Something is definitely not right here and she refuses to show anyone the paperwork.

Is there anything that can be done?

OP posts:
Peoplemakemedespair · 27/10/2023 14:32

I guess the obvious answer would be to contact a solicitor for legal advice. And then maybe the police if she is doing something illegal

StarlightLime · 27/10/2023 14:36

A charitable foundation issued a monthly payment to the family of one of their workers for forty years after his death?

That really doesn't sound plausible, are you sure you have the story straight?

cocksstrideintheevening · 27/10/2023 14:39

StarlightLime · 27/10/2023 14:36

A charitable foundation issued a monthly payment to the family of one of their workers for forty years after his death?

That really doesn't sound plausible, are you sure you have the story straight?

Agree!

Parky04 · 27/10/2023 14:45

Unlikely that you have the full story!

Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 27/10/2023 14:45

I know! I wouldn't believe it myself. There's something dodgy going on here. We're not in a position to afford solicitors so I'm thinking all DH can do is to contact the foundation and ask them if they have the original paperwork? Bit of a long shot after all this time though.

OP posts:
Aaron95 · 27/10/2023 14:54

Your story makes no sense.

It would seem more likely that he setup some sort of trust which pays his widow money each month. But I am speculating.

What are you trying to achieve here?

FrenchandSaunders · 27/10/2023 14:58

How could a charity afford to do such a thing, for so long, it makes no sense.

Fizzadora · 27/10/2023 15:00

Well it sounds like some sort of superannuation payment or pension although as they were divorced it is very unusual for it to be paid to an ex spouse.
It may be that she is some sort of trustee but it wouldn't be appropriate once the children are 18.
It's definitely curious and worth the children putting a request in to the foundation asking for information about funds allocated for their benefit if mother won't talk about it, although letting her know they plan to do that might encourage her to divulge exactly what's going on.

Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 27/10/2023 15:02

Aaron95 · 27/10/2023 14:54

Your story makes no sense.

It would seem more likely that he setup some sort of trust which pays his widow money each month. But I am speculating.

What are you trying to achieve here?

It's definitely not this - he wasn't a wealthy man.

As they've got older, the sons (and the rest of the family) have realised that this arrangement is so strange. Why did that money never go to his sons? MIL wasn't his widow, they were divorced.

What I believe should happen is that the payment should be split three ways between the sons. I think this should have happened all along but that MIL deliberately hid the paperwork so she didn't have to do this.

I've always thought the payments were bizarre but as they've always been there, I didn't question it too much. Reading the responses here reminds me of my initial reaction when I first heard about it from DH. I used to work in the finance industry and I've never heard of anything like this at all!

OP posts:
Zzizzisnotzeproblem · 27/10/2023 15:03

It sounds extraordinary and like an accounting error at best?

Cheeesus · 27/10/2023 15:05

Are you sure it wasn’t just his pension?

Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 27/10/2023 15:06

Zzizzisnotzeproblem · 27/10/2023 15:03

It sounds extraordinary and like an accounting error at best?

We've considered this. MIL claims that the paperwork said the payment lasts until her death. But that doesn't mean it's the truth.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 27/10/2023 15:06

Cheeesus · 27/10/2023 15:05

Are you sure it wasn’t just his pension?

Would this keep going up every year? And would MIL be entitled to it even though they were divorced?

OP posts:
LittleGlowingOblong · 27/10/2023 15:07

“he was a popular figure so they kindly set up an ongoing index-linked payment”

omfg. What if he hadn’t been so very charismatic?!

Pootles34 · 27/10/2023 15:09

Its very odd - I'm pretty sure charities are not allowed to do that sort of thing! Sounds more like she's got some income coming from some other source that she's embarrassed about, so she's made up this nonsense?

Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 27/10/2023 15:10

LittleGlowingOblong · 27/10/2023 15:07

“he was a popular figure so they kindly set up an ongoing index-linked payment”

omfg. What if he hadn’t been so very charismatic?!

Haha fair point. I'm just parroting DH here as I never met him. His dad was a close friend of the founder of the organisation so DH wondered if some strings were pulled to establish this extraordinary arrangement. It's clearly not something that would have been arranged for everyone.

OP posts:
PosterBoy · 27/10/2023 15:10

Maybe she didn't tell them she was divorced?

Would payments to child dependents continue beyond their 18th birthday?

Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 27/10/2023 15:11

Pootles34 · 27/10/2023 15:09

Its very odd - I'm pretty sure charities are not allowed to do that sort of thing! Sounds more like she's got some income coming from some other source that she's embarrassed about, so she's made up this nonsense?

Love this. I'm now imagining that MIL has an Onlyfans account where people pay to see her model old Birkenstocks.

OP posts:
Foodorder · 27/10/2023 15:12

I have a pension from late DH's employer. That's mine, nothing to do with his children and will continue until my death.

£1500 pm seems quite a lot if he wasn't well paid and died quite young (so didn't have long service) though.

It's not unheard of for pension trustees to pay a divorced wife, if she can show she was dependant (in receipt of maintenance perhaps?) but it would be unusual.

If there was a pension for DC, that would have stopped when they turned 18 (or sometimes when they finish education) and its reasonable that that would have been paid to mother.

The most likely explanation is that she was entitled to a widows pension because she was dependent. I don't think any employer has made this arrangement out of the kindness of their heart.

Rainbowshit · 27/10/2023 15:12

Sounds like a widow's death in service payment rather than something for the kids.

Was she financially dependant on him?

You'll need to get a solicitors to find out.

Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 27/10/2023 15:14

PosterBoy · 27/10/2023 15:10

Maybe she didn't tell them she was divorced?

Would payments to child dependents continue beyond their 18th birthday?

Another very good point. Maybe DH would be wasting his time enquiring as even if the payments should have been for him and his brothers, why would they continue forever. It's sounding more like some kind of pension from what other posters have said.

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 27/10/2023 15:14

1500 quid a month is an awful lot of money, I'm no financial expert but I wonder if the payments should have stopped when the children reached adulthood? Did someone make an accounting error?
Surely it would be noticed when the accounts were being audited.
It does seem very strange!!

Rainbowshit · 27/10/2023 15:18

If there was a child element attached to the widow's death in service benefit then it should have stopped when they reached 18.

HanSB · 27/10/2023 15:23

Why haven't your husband and his brothers raised this with their mum, if she has said that the payments were meant for his family? The best thing is that they speak with her and look at the paperwork as it's just all guessing otherwise.

Foodorder · 27/10/2023 15:26

Vanillarose1 · 27/10/2023 15:14

Another very good point. Maybe DH would be wasting his time enquiring as even if the payments should have been for him and his brothers, why would they continue forever. It's sounding more like some kind of pension from what other posters have said.

Show quote history

I don't think there'll be anything due to DH beyond when he turned 18. If there has been fraud it will be that she didn't admit they were divorced, but anything due to DC would have stopped when they came of age.

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