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Original poster

My son

76 replies

Pool123 · 03/10/2023 12:56

Hi there

just need some advice on behalf of my son

hes currently split from he’s ex of 10 years .they were not married but have a young son who hasn’t started school yet. They both own a property in joint tennants

my sone pays for the full mortgage and child maintenance. And he did all other bills until he handed back to her earlier in the year

my son currently lives with me as he can’t financially get anywhere else as he’s paying the mortgage and is tied up

shes currently on benifits and UC and maybe other things. And in and out of low income work

my son has been to a solicitor and they have hense that she should be paying half and they recommend something called a TOLATA .

all my son wants is the sell the house and take he’s half of the equity of whatever it will be and move on with he’s life and she’s moves on with hers

can anyone give any advice on this matter please

thank you

OP posts:
ICanSeeMyHouseFromHere · 03/10/2023 13:00

Sounds like she's having trouble holding down a job whilst looking after their son - how do they split childcare at the moment so they can both work?

OldTinHat · 03/10/2023 13:01

Your son's solicitor is the best person to advise in this matter.

Original poster
Pool123 · 03/10/2023 13:02

My son has a full time job

andbhe sees in once during the week and has him every other weekend

it’s seems like she’s dragging her heels along and buying time

OP posts:
ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 03/10/2023 13:03

andbhe sees in once during the week and has him every other weekend

Well that's pathetic. No wonder she's in and out of low-income work.

IhearyouClemFandango · 03/10/2023 13:03

Probably because she is trying to work around a child. Can he help out more there to enable her to work? Contribute to childcare etc?

Neverintime · 03/10/2023 13:04

Could he take on his DC 50% of the time and put DC in childcare to enable ex to work?

Juliet55 · 03/10/2023 13:05

If he wants her to sell her and their young son's home so he can get his equity and move on, where will she live with their son?

Neverintime · 03/10/2023 13:07

Another option would be that your son offers to sell the house but gives ex 100% of the Equity so they can both move on?

NigelHarmansNewWife · 03/10/2023 13:08

No mention of a home for the child and he sees him once a week and EOW. He should be sharing childcare responsibilities 50:50.

Original poster
Pool123 · 03/10/2023 13:09

She could possibly move on with her share of the equity

he can’t see him much more really as he works and needs to pay for the house the ex lives in

OP posts:
HongKongGarden · 03/10/2023 13:09

Pool123 · 03/10/2023 13:02

My son has a full time job

andbhe sees in once during the week and has him every other weekend

it’s seems like she’s dragging her heels along and buying time

Maybe if he moves back in it’ll focus her mind on needing to move on.

He has every right to even if she’d prefer he didn’t.

ICanSeeMyHouseFromHere · 03/10/2023 13:14

he can’t see him much more really as he works and needs to pay for the house the ex lives in

Well there's the issue - she can't work as freely/earn as well because she's taking the childcare burden.

The child also lives in the house - if he's not doing any significant childcare then the least he can do is provide for the child.

WallaceinAnderland · 03/10/2023 13:15

How do you expect her to work and provide childcare if you say your son can't work and provide childcare? Does her vagina give her magic powers?

HarpieDuJour · 03/10/2023 13:15

So, he wants 50% of the equity, but not 50% of the responsibility for housing their joint son?

He can't have the child more, because He Works, but she is a terrible person for not being able to stay in work with such a poor contribution from the child's other parent?

You must be so proud.

Blough · 03/10/2023 13:16

Billions of people who chose to have a kid also work and have to figure out childcare, why does your son not bother? What would he do if the mother refused to parent due to work, as well?

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 03/10/2023 13:16

Pool123 · 03/10/2023 13:09

She could possibly move on with her share of the equity

he can’t see him much more really as he works and needs to pay for the house the ex lives in

Yet the boy's mum manages to have him most of the time and be in "low income work"Hmm The apple didn't fall far from the tree I expect. Maybe if your son did his fair share of parenting his ex would be able to find better paid work and not have to worry about child care so much.

CapturedLeprechaun · 03/10/2023 13:17

If she's the main carer for the child, it's in your son's interest that the child is housed in a stable home and mum is able to have a full time job earning good money.

For this to happen, he should think about his part. Mum will be unable to hold down a decent full time role if she is responsible for every pickup and drop off/ every sick day/ all school holidays.

So surely your son can agree to share the pickups/drop offs, take it in turns to care for the child when he is sick, split school holidays 50/50 etc, then both parents are able to work full time and are equally responsible for paying for the childcare, as well as all the logistics in getting the child too and from childcare.

Original poster
Pool123 · 03/10/2023 13:17

My son

pays for the roof over there heads and child maintenance and looks after him on the agreed times

what more can he possibly do?

just live at mine forever and can’t move on?

OP posts:
LIZS · 03/10/2023 13:19

Surely he has a duty to house his child. He can't force the sale if she cannot afford somewhere suitable as a family home,

Neverintime · 03/10/2023 13:19

You've started a thread to say he doesn't want to pay for the roof over their head anymore and been given advice how to stop that. He pays for childcare so she can work.

gwenneh · 03/10/2023 13:19

what more can he possibly do?

Provide 50% of the childcare for his son. In exchange, she will have the time and energy to get out of her bad work situation, and the increase in income will allow her to provide materially.

RandomMess · 03/10/2023 13:19

Unless she has an occupation order he can move back in and pick up more of the parental responsibility.

They can live separately under the same roof. It may also help her decide to facilitate selling the house.

Original poster
Pool123 · 03/10/2023 13:20

The equity would be enough wouldnt it ?

OP posts:
Passerillage · 03/10/2023 13:20

But he doesn’t want to - he wants his equity out. They need to go 50/50 on full time nursery if he expects her to work. She can’t physically care for the child full time AND have a steady, well paying job, can she?

Why on earth isn’t care 50/50 already? I don’t understand. Can you explain?

ConnieCooper · 03/10/2023 13:22

OP you will not get much help. MNetters can always piss on a persons grave

I wish your son well but he won't get 50% value if the home unless he has his child 50% if the time. Likely 60/40 split in her favour maybe even more.