Child Arrangement Order- advice and insight needed please

[ConfusingandChaotic]

Hello all,
step mum here. Kids live with me and dad full time, mum doesn’t follow CAO as she does not like dropping or collecting children to/from school, she admitted this to judge and stated she will not be complying with the CAO she fought for.

she’s not in contact with them at all via phone or video chat despite being encouraged to or us contacting her to say they’re upset and miss her etc, she doesn’t like early mornings or getting the bus.

she will have them or half of school holidays but that’s the only contact at the moment despite the CAO being fortnightly weekends and one over night on the non weekend week

dad due to go to court for final hearing shortly and mums solicitor has emailed suggesting he drop the children to a shopping centre near her home every other Friday at 7pm and collect them from the same location on Sunday evening at 7pm.
obviously he rejected this due to work and other commitments, unsure of what she will suggest next.
he suggested she collect and drop them to our home on the Fridays or Sundays if this is what she wants or alternatively she collect them from school Friday and return them on Mondays.
she rejected this.

is there a chance that court could enforce this? Any ideas what she might put forth in court? He doesn’t have legal aid due to financial issues and mum does as she’s never worked a day in her life. so we are at a disadvantage here.

any insight very welcome.
thank you x

Well someone’s got to give - clearly neither parent is putting the welfare of the children first.

What could he commit to. What is it that he is doing at these times.

He works on a shift basis in hospitality and has already been in trouble with work for having to leave last minute when the school phones to say mum hasn’t shown up to collect them or she changes contact last minute so he’s not in a position to be requesting specific times off fortnightly unfortunately

Dad is, he adapted the CAO at her request and had been dropping and collecting the children to her home, however no longer has a car and has had to increase hours at work to survive in the current climate! Your comment was quite unhelpful to be honest. Was just looking for some insight as to what the court can order?

It would be rare for the resident parent to be forced to do the drop off and pick up but it does happen, usually if the resident parent has moved the DC away.

Thank you for this, so dad hadn’t moved them away, mum gave up parental responsibility two years ago and they came to live with him. Do you have any knowledge of how this may impact it?

It isn’t obvious that he can’t commit to dropping the kids off and picking up at those times.
Yes, I know, shift work. But at the moment the kids live with you full time. So someone is always available at 7pm of Fridays and Sundays. I’m guessing you or his mum.
And while I’m not suggesting that you should have to do it, I think a court might just say that Dad as RP has to either do handovers or organize childcare to do handovers.
If she’s so unreliable does it make any difference whether she’s failing to pick them up after school or failing to turn up to handover at 7pm or cancelling with almost no notice?

You could definitely argue for a more convenient location if the shopping centre is not easy to get to with public transport.

Courts usually award that the non-resident parent seeking the order does the travel.

You have offered compromise etc and they haven't which won't look good on them.

Why can't she use an Uber or taxi? Has he suggested that - need to know her reason why that isn't an option.

Well considering she claims not to have money for bus fare (despite him offering a prepaid Oyster card) I doubt this will be an option unfortunately.

'mum gave up parental responsibility'

No, she didn't. If she did she wouldn't have any contact as the kids would have been adopted, as that is the only way a mother loses PR.

Also, the comment regarding her getting legal aid because she's never worked a day in her life - also not correct. Legal aid is provided on the basis of strict criteria for private family law cases - namely that the receiver has been the victim of abuse from the other party in the case.

Something is clearly going wrong with the contact - for whatever reason - the court will order whatever it feels is in the best interests of the children, and if that means that they will only see their mother if the father has to drop them somewhere specific, then that is likely what the court will order.

Legal aid isn't provided based on low income.

Potential for an order to be put in place where it’s most likely to ensure contact happens with mum.

From a welfare perspective, the normal starting point is that it’s beneficial for the child to have a relationship with both parents. If she’s unlikely to facilitate pick ups /drop off but Dad can somehow(even if highly inconvenient), that might be the outcome here.

seems unfair as an adult but the court priority is the child’s welfare and promotion of the parental relationship

Much better for kids she collect them from school Friday and return them to school on Mondays.
Keep offering that
How old are kids ?

Thanks for this, so she does only live a few miles away about 45 mins door to door on public transport from their school and 50 mins from our home, considering it is only 4 days a month it’s really frustrating to think the court may order him to facilitate the handovers considering he does everything, pays childcare etc and she hasn’t given a penny since they lived with him even asking him for money for contact!

He will, but worried she will point blank refuse, when being questioned by the judge in the initial hearing about whether she was in content of cor she admitted she was twice and would continue to be. The judge was perplexed.
they are 6 & 8.

Well she tried to, she wanted to give them to the state for a ‘years respite’ which they refused and placed them with dad. Had they not intervened they could well have been adopted by now.

This is a case where you can’t make a parent be a parent …

in reality if she doesn’t want to collect them and won’t then it falls to Rp..

if she isn’t going to pick up from school regularly then he needs back up childcare in place .

I suspect regardless after the case she will never bevreliable .

They can't make a useless parent turn up.

She doesn't work at all, will be receiving benefits, and yet can not take a bus 4 times a month to see her own children.

What a waste of space. And no, you don't need to be doing more, when you should be at work, because the actual mother is doing nothing. For no justifiable reason either.

Those poor children. Unless her own children are delivered to her doorstep, she would rather not see them at all.

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/legal-aid-for-family-law-matters/

IANAL - but my understanding was that LA on a means/ merits basis is available for CAO.

It sounds like a very messy situation but you cannot force someone to have contact on a regular basis with their children. You have to accept that, you cannot control what the mum is doing/ going to do. You can only manage what you do in response. So work out what you want, what you can live with. Put the interests of the children at the centre this is about them.

If he's self representing then I think he just needs to go and explain the situation very clearly and factually. Offer up alternatives that will work for him and hopefully he's in front of someone reasonable who will ask mum to comply

Is it not possible for Dc to be delivered in a taxi? A few miles away but 45 mins by public transport seems odd.

The courts look at what’s best for DC. So they should see their mother. It’s a case of being the bigger person and facilitating it. Can you help?

Also look at days that can work for you and times. Judges expect reasonable arrangements. I see you now says it’s only 4 days a month so maybe ask for Sat morning to Sunday evening? So if there needs to be adjustment to avoid school days, due to transport issues and unreliability, say so in your submission and why. Giving up a car must be difficult for all of you and clearly isn’t helping in this situation.

Do not keep saying what you cannot do. Make it clear in your statement that you do not want to see the children upset because mim does not turn up. However if this is not repeated all the time, you might not make this hit home. I would ask for weekends with no school collection (who does if usually?) and arrange a taxi for delivery and collection if need be. This is 4 journeys a month. Yes, the mum isn’t great but don’t pick over this. State clearly what’s best for the Dc who aren’t having a great life so far!

Thanks!
that’s London rush hour timings unfortunately.to be honest I feel like we’re struggling time wise at the moment anyway like the housework, cooking, cleaning, homework after school activities etc. I’m just being honest in saying I couldn’t physically cope with more responsibilities I.e. the drop off and collection despite the fact this would lead to more free time and dad works 10 hour days.
I work in a really demanding job too and it’s not the kind you leave at the office either so I’m completely and totally overwhelmed.
his aunt does collection and as soon as I’m home she leaves, he hasn’t got much family support, so it’s just me and him really despite definitely needing a village.
mums blatant abandonment and entitlement really gets me down too so I can imagine the girls anguish 🥲
there’d more to the story for e.g mum rescheduled their hospital appointments to when she does not have contact so she doesn’t have to go (both girls have chronic illnesses)
one has extreme excema and creaming etc. takes me an hour a day…. It’s an awful situation to be honest..
no one wins and mum doesn’t lift a finger yet expects her children delivered to her and holds us ransom to that pulling on our heart strings.

You've managed to sun up the case in a few sentences.
exactly, devastating for the girls.
and what a waste of space is right