Child Arrangement Order- advice and insight needed please

[ConfusingandChaotic]

Hello all,
step mum here. Kids live with me and dad full time, mum doesn’t follow CAO as she does not like dropping or collecting children to/from school, she admitted this to judge and stated she will not be complying with the CAO she fought for.

she’s not in contact with them at all via phone or video chat despite being encouraged to or us contacting her to say they’re upset and miss her etc, she doesn’t like early mornings or getting the bus.

she will have them or half of school holidays but that’s the only contact at the moment despite the CAO being fortnightly weekends and one over night on the non weekend week

dad due to go to court for final hearing shortly and mums solicitor has emailed suggesting he drop the children to a shopping centre near her home every other Friday at 7pm and collect them from the same location on Sunday evening at 7pm.
obviously he rejected this due to work and other commitments, unsure of what she will suggest next.
he suggested she collect and drop them to our home on the Fridays or Sundays if this is what she wants or alternatively she collect them from school Friday and return them on Mondays.
she rejected this.

is there a chance that court could enforce this? Any ideas what she might put forth in court? He doesn’t have legal aid due to financial issues and mum does as she’s never worked a day in her life. so we are at a disadvantage here.

any insight very welcome.
thank you x

Sounds like they have upset the balance of your life too. As they are not your Dc, I get this, but I think their dad just has to accept his responsibilities as the resident parent. That also means hospital appointments and doing a bit of running around. They are his Dc after all. It’s interesting that care was considered by mum and he didn’t step in until quite late in the day. It all seems too much for you too.

Having a mum like this is awful for these Dc, but your resentment of them is now coming across. They are causing stress and getting in the way of work. Other people do manage children and work. Other people manage the odd hospital appointment. Your DP has annual leave. He might need to use it for hospital appointments. Are there any grandparents? Loads of people get no help from relatives nearby. They don’t have them. I can see this isn’t what you planned but honestly don’t let this anger come across in court.

Thank you for your non judgement tbh I see a lot of toxic comments regarding step parents, particularly mums on this site.
don’t get me wrong I love them to bits, Santa, tooth fairy etc. we go on holidays and lots of days out and nightly bedtime stories etc don’t want to give the impression I’m Cinderella’s wicked step mother😂 but yes it’s hard, incredibly hard and mum is slowly deteriorating our mental health, we’ve had to cancel well deserved weekends away etc. due to mum suddenly not showing up to collect the children, or ghosting dad.
she’s done this for periods of six weeks, multiple of them.
I’m only 25 and just wish we could have balance. Also really worried about the long term effects on the children mentally and emotionally about all this. Don’t know if they’re coming or going 🥲
but thanks again for the advice, it’s noted. X

The courts can't force a negligent parent to step up. Nor will they "force" a resident parent to dance to the attendance of the non-resident parent.

If their mother can't be bothered, then that's on her.

OP, none of this is your responsibility you know? I don’t mean that in a nasty way, I mean that everything you do for those girls is your choice rather than your responsibility. Mum is unreliable, so can’t be taken into account. This is all your partner’s responsibility. Maybe it’s unsustainable for him to work 10 hour days while the girls are so young? He needs a plan for childcare for every moment of every day until those girls are old enough not to need it anymore. Sometimes, even on a fixed regular basis, and with your agreement, that plan can be you. If you’re being asked to take on more than you want to or can cope with, tell your partner. It’s his responsibility to find a solution. If you become so resentful of what’s being asked of you that you end up leaving, then all the good things your bringing to those girls’ lives and all the good things about your relationship with your partner will just stop. It’s in everyone’s interest for your partner to build up his village and not just push things onto you.