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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Original poster

Partner threatening me with police and fraud

40 replies

Dawny1879 · 12/09/2023 16:29

Sorry if this is a naive question....

My ex partner and I are in Scotland. We cohabitat, but everything is in my name. He gives me £600 a month (less than the mortgage and /or the childcare alone and less that a third of what I pay out each month). I pay all the bills, majority of food shops, car, childcare, all childrens stuff, birthdays, Christmas etc. He works three days a week (entirely his choice) and takes the children reluctantly on the other days. We have a 1 year old and 4 year old. My family gave me the deposit for the house.

We are in the process of splitting up and today he did his first mediation call and is now threatening me with fraud and potential loss of my job because I said that I don't have a lump sum of money to give him to move out and because I said I don't think he is entitled to anything. He is claiming economic disadvantage because I said earlier in the relationship, that if he sorted out his finances then eventually I would put him on the mortgage. He has never sorted out his finances and I could never put him on the mortgage. He is on a waiting list for a council house, but is still at my property.

Can he get me done for fraud because I don't have anything to give? For context I am just back from maternity leave (which I used all my savings for). I am happy for him to take any furniture etc, but I don't loads of savings to give him. He is implying that any savings I have are his.

Sorry if it is a frantic post, but I am panicking.

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 12/09/2023 16:33

Sounds like bollocks to me and he's trying to scare you into chucking money at him but you should maybe book a short appointment with a professional trained in this area to clarify what the legal position is.

pieinthesky10 · 12/09/2023 16:36

Get to a solicitor asap, l don't think he has a claim to anything....

MrsMoastyToasty · 12/09/2023 16:36

Fraud is a crime involving money. You haven't committed any crime. He's talking bullshit.

pieinthesky10 · 12/09/2023 16:36

Oh and no he has no grounds for fraud from what you have said, that is just silly...

pieinthesky10 · 12/09/2023 16:38

Please STOP listening to anything he says it is all a load of rubbish. Get legal advice soon though.

Clefable · 12/09/2023 16:38

Where is the fraud? He sounds thick as mince. You aren't married, which is good news. Worth talking to a solicitor just to get an absolute view of what the situation is, but he's chancing his arm.

MrsSquirrel · 12/09/2023 16:39

He is trying it on. Do not give him any money.

Thewizardbinbag · 12/09/2023 16:40

What fraud? How would you lose your job because you were unable to add him to the mortgage due to his own financial situation?

He is talking utter bullshit. Don’t give him a thing.

Thewizardbinbag · 12/09/2023 16:42

You’re not married. He isn’t entitled to anything.
Even if he tried to fight for it, his contribution didn’t even cover childcare costs, let alone count as actually paying bills or rent to you. He hasn’t made a contribution to the house so he won’t be able to claim anything from it.

You will be fine. Don’t give him anything. Kick him out. He is basically a lodger. Just kick him out, change the locks while he is gone, whatever you want.

vodkaredbullgirl · 12/09/2023 16:42

He can try, probably wouldn't get very far.

Littlegoth · 12/09/2023 16:48

Seriously?? He’s not named on the mortgage and it’s your house. You are in the process of splitting up - you mean you have split up. He is there only by your good grace. Tell him to fuck off and find somewhere else to live. He can pack his bag and go right now, and take his nonsense with him.

kittybiscuits · 12/09/2023 16:50

The fact that he doesn't know what 'fraud' means probably isn't a very good sign for him. Why is he still living there? Sounds like you could just give him reasonable notice to leave. A week would seem more than generous.

Motheranddaughter · 12/09/2023 16:50

In Scotland it is not true that he cannot claim anything
Please take legal advice

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 12/09/2023 16:53

See a solicitor, he's lashing out and trying to scare you and it's working.

FatLarrysBanned · 12/09/2023 16:56

Motheranddaughter · 12/09/2023 16:50

In Scotland it is not true that he cannot claim anything
Please take legal advice

This. Get some legal advice. He is using very specific language "economic disadvantage" covered within the Family Law Act 2006. He's either had legal advice or someone has got in his ear who has used it themselves.

AnotherForumUser · 12/09/2023 17:15

Ok. He's an ex partner. You aren't married thankfully. So his 'rights' are very limited as you own the house and he may not actually want to be the care giving parent when you split. Your savings are yours if they are in your name and not joint. Did he pay for any renovations or any amount towards the actual house? That can sometimes be claimed so do speak to a solicitor. Simple rent and bills-not so easy for him to claim. If he took the children as resident parent you would be required to pay child maintenance but given his reluctance to parent his own children that seems to be an unlikely outcome. Yes do get some legal advice as they know the intricacies and can help to get your split sorted out but it seriously looks like this chancer is simply blowing shit out his arsehole.

gwenneh · 12/09/2023 17:20

There are two parts of what he would have to prove to claim anything - one is that he will suffer economic disadvantage and the other is that you have gained economic advantage out of it.

He could potentially argue that because he worked three days per week and had the children on the others, even if it was reluctantly, you saved the cost of childcare at the expense of his working full time. How successful that claim would be would depend on the actual circumstances.

So definitely get some legal advice.

Shadesofscarlett · 12/09/2023 17:26

the word for this is not fraud - it is cocklodging. I would reply and ask how much child maintenance he is planning to pay and eow for contact with him collecting the kids please.

Original poster

Dawny1879 · 12/09/2023 17:35

@AnotherForumUser All my savings are in my name thankfully. It is going to take some time to build them back up, especially after maternity leave and now I am going to be a single parent.

All the renovations were carried out under the profit made from selling my first property (also in my name) and he has paid nothing except from the £600 he gives me on a monthly basis.

OP posts:

DumpedByText · 12/09/2023 17:38

He's talking rubbish, you need legal advice and when he's gone put in a CMS claim.

Original poster

Dawny1879 · 12/09/2023 17:39

@gwenneh I think this is his angle. But all along he said he didn't want to work anymore than three days. I encouraged him to go for full time jobs and said we would sort childcare/or I could look at cutting my hours and he said no. He basically doesn't want to work for anyone but himself and only wants to work three days. Whilst I was on maternity leave, he didn't have the kids at all (but forgets that).

OP posts:

gwenneh · 12/09/2023 17:44

Dawny1879 · 12/09/2023 17:39

This is why I think you should take some legal advice. On paper, his angle looks solid - he worked three days per week and looked after the children on the other two, which he could claim is at the expense of his own career progression.

You need to know, legally, just how much that would actually stand up in court. My guess is once the facts about why he worked part time and what advantage you gained out of it, if anything, are out in the open it won't hold up at all, but you need a proper legal advisor to tell you that (which I am not.)

As for fraud, you would have needed to actually have defrauded him. As you didn't, that bit's a non-starter. His contribution to household expenses wasn't obtained under false pretenses, he lives there, so he can't claim that was fraud.

Original poster

Dawny1879 · 12/09/2023 17:47

Thank you everyone - I will take legal advice asap. You have already put my mind at ease...I was freaking out earlier. He is still here, because he has nowhere else to go and I was trying to keep things amicable until he gets a place sorted, to start a healthy co-parenting relationship. He is currently unemployed, but interviewed on Monday for a college job (14hrs / week). This just reinforces my decision to end things... threatening and turning nasty when I stand up for myself. I am not sure how much time he will ask to see the kids, but it will not be 50:50, as he struggles with the two together. I am not expecting much from CMS tbh.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 12/09/2023 17:54

He is still here, because he has nowhere else to go and I was trying to keep things amicable until he gets a place sorted, to start a healthy co-parenting relationship.

Things are no longer amicable. He is threatening you and gaslighting you - that should mean an immediate eviction. His abuse is only going to escalate and he could become dangerous. Where he goes is not your problem. Kick him out, and if he refuses, call the police.

The gloves are officially off and he caused this.

Shadesofscarlett · 12/09/2023 18:55

change the locks and he can fuck the fuck off - you are not his cashpoint or his mother. No longer your problem, actually he never was your problem. He is a grown man and he can look after himself.

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