Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Attacked, can it be dealt with without Police involvement?

44 replies

Ofcourseit · 09/07/2023 08:39

I'm a regular poster but name changed for this for safety reasons.

My brother decided a few years ago that he didn't want to be part of our family anymore. He has MH and drug issues, has always been a loose canon. It was a relief but he left the family with violence and abuse towards all of us. I won't go into why he decided to do this but we are glad he did due to his abusive behaviour towards us.

At the time he lived with his family in Australia. Great for us so no bumping into him. Unfortunately last year he returned to our home town. I've seen him once and luckily I was with a large group so just left the area.

Last weekend my husband was in town during the day in a leisure centre and saw him. He turned away and carried on with what he was doing to ignore him. Brother went up to him and grabbed his face and said why are you ignoring me. He is much taller than my husband and physically very strong. He told him he would love to cut him and then pushed my husband over some chairs so he fell and stood over him and said he wanted to kill him.

Security guards came over and asked my H if they could ring the police. He said no as he was in shock. He carried on with what he was doing and my brother continues to shout abuse at him. He was obviously very shaken. The security team asked him again if they could phone the police but he wanted to get home. They said they'd keep the cctv for him for the next few weeks so he could consider it.

So the complicating factor is that my parents are allowed access to his children but if they don't go along with what he wants he withdraws access. He had already rang them by the time my H had got home and said they would lose the kids if they let my husband ring the police. This would kill my parents to lose those children.

Is there anything we can do to protect my family though without involving police? An injunction? I have teen children who do the usual things around town. What if he attacked one of them??

Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
NewIdeasToday · 09/07/2023 08:53

Your husband should go straight to the police. This in unhinged behaviour and needs to addressed.

Never mind all the stuff with your brother’s kids. He shouldn’t get away with this awful behaviour just because he’s using his kids as a weapon.

bestbefore · 09/07/2023 09:22

What's he doing to the kids if he reacts like that. What if the kids are naughty?

GalileoHumpkins · 09/07/2023 09:27

You need to involve the police, the bullying, abusive bastard is a danger to everyone. Do not pander to him.

NotMyDayJob · 09/07/2023 09:58

I have a brother who went through a similar thing (IE he had the mental health and drug issues) and honestly you cannot deal with this without the police. And if there are children I imagine social services will be involved at some point. But you just can't do this without the police.

He'll do this to your DH again. 100% guarantee

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/07/2023 10:07

Of course you need to go to the police op. Don’t pander to this blackmail - it will just get worse.

Podcats · 09/07/2023 10:30

Protect your own family and call the police. Without doing that it would be difficult to get a no contact order preventing him from approaching you or your family. And if you don't want to involve the police who do you think would enforce a no contact order?

If your parents cared about your children they would understand why you had to call the police.

Original poster
Ofcourseit · 09/07/2023 11:26

Okay, thanks. Looks like we have no option but to go to the Police.

OP posts:
Beacon2000 · 09/07/2023 11:30

Ofcourseit · 09/07/2023 08:39

I'm a regular poster but name changed for this for safety reasons.

My brother decided a few years ago that he didn't want to be part of our family anymore. He has MH and drug issues, has always been a loose canon. It was a relief but he left the family with violence and abuse towards all of us. I won't go into why he decided to do this but we are glad he did due to his abusive behaviour towards us.

At the time he lived with his family in Australia. Great for us so no bumping into him. Unfortunately last year he returned to our home town. I've seen him once and luckily I was with a large group so just left the area.

Last weekend my husband was in town during the day in a leisure centre and saw him. He turned away and carried on with what he was doing to ignore him. Brother went up to him and grabbed his face and said why are you ignoring me. He is much taller than my husband and physically very strong. He told him he would love to cut him and then pushed my husband over some chairs so he fell and stood over him and said he wanted to kill him.

Security guards came over and asked my H if they could ring the police. He said no as he was in shock. He carried on with what he was doing and my brother continues to shout abuse at him. He was obviously very shaken. The security team asked him again if they could phone the police but he wanted to get home. They said they'd keep the cctv for him for the next few weeks so he could consider it.

So the complicating factor is that my parents are allowed access to his children but if they don't go along with what he wants he withdraws access. He had already rang them by the time my H had got home and said they would lose the kids if they let my husband ring the police. This would kill my parents to lose those children.

Is there anything we can do to protect my family though without involving police? An injunction? I have teen children who do the usual things around town. What if he attacked one of them??

Any advice would be appreciated.

Yes, this can be dealt with under the tort of battery and you could get both damages and an injunction. However, unlike the criminal law, you would have to find a way to pay your legal fees upfront (you could get them back from your brother if you won, but there is a legal risk). Also, without a criminal conviction, it will be harder - but not impossible - to prove the tort of battery.

Drews · 09/07/2023 11:30

If not the police then who?

Original poster
Ofcourseit · 09/07/2023 12:49

Drews · 09/07/2023 11:30

If not the police then who?

I hoped a solicitor could help but was wrong.

OP posts:
Plutonium7000 · 09/07/2023 12:53

Seems like this incident might have berm caught on CCTV, next time it might not be. Definitely report to Police and ask the security to download the CCTV now.

Bearpawk · 09/07/2023 12:58

Surely if you go to the police and press charges he won't be able to dictate who sees his kids anyway- is he the sole parent ?

FixTheBone · 09/07/2023 13:00

You can't really manage this without either reasoning with this person, or involving the police.

Even if you got a injunction, which would be hard without evidence in the form of crime numbers, police reports etc, who is going to actually enforce it if not the police?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/07/2023 13:03

He wouldn't be able to prevent access if he were in prison...

Roussette · 09/07/2023 13:04

Doesn't your DH feel betrayed with talk of not going to the Police. It must've been horrible for him, he deserves to have official action taken.

Your parents are being unfair, I'm afraid to say

Mumoftwoinprimary · 09/07/2023 13:05

Assuming that there is a way that you can protect your family - do you really think he is going to say to your parents “It is just fine with me that Ofcourseit has got an injunction against me - I have no problem with that at all”

You have two options - protect your family the best way you can and accept that it may have consequences for your parents. Or accept that he is allowed to assault and injure your family whenever he feels like.

ImGonnaHaveToTurnMyBackOnYou · 09/07/2023 13:06

Please, please do police ASAP, while that footage is still available.

Better the chance your parents don't see their grandkids than your own kids or family get maimed or actually killed by that psycho.

I'm so sorry. I'm stuck between my family members and its horrid when there's issues like these.

Chewbaccaslime · 09/07/2023 13:06

You're missing the whole point here OP. No matter what you do, if it's not what your brother wants, he will still threaten to withhold contact from your parents. Take away the control. Advise your parents to get legal advice on a formal arrangement for seeing the grandchildren. Then protect your own family. Go to the Police. Also go to a solicitor and ask for a non molestation order.

Peridot1 · 09/07/2023 13:07

If he is like this in public he must be a nightmare with his children behind closed doors. Has he a wife or partner?

Greentree1 · 09/07/2023 13:09

Sounds like he shouldn't have custody of his children he's dangerous and out of control. The police should be involved this could get worse if he thinks there are no consequences and he can do what he likes to your family.

Original poster
Ofcourseit · 09/07/2023 13:09

Yes he has a wife and the kids are 11 and 9 so not babies now. His wife always backs him but obviously she probably doesn't understand the full extent of his behaviour.

OP posts:
AngelAurora · 09/07/2023 13:10

He is a danger to his own kids as well as everyone else's, the Police and SS need to be involved.

2bazookas · 09/07/2023 13:30

TELL THE POLICE.

When your brother is convicted he will be in a UK prison and unable to control access to his children.

When (if ) he comes out with a conviction for violent family assault, he'll have very limited access (under formal supervision) to his own children.

2bazookas · 09/07/2023 13:34

Peridot1 · 09/07/2023 13:07

If he is like this in public he must be a nightmare with his children behind closed doors. Has he a wife or partner?

DH needs to report to police, in order to protect your brother's children and wife from his psychotic violence.

Pancake678 · 09/07/2023 13:44

Out of interest what does your parents think DH should do?

Swipe left for the next trending thread