Husband handing over house

[Mollylegs]

Hi my husband left me last year we'd been together 21 years and married for 16. The house is in my husbands name. He is willing to hand the house over to me. My parents are going to give me money to pay a chunk of the mortgage. That is where I thought it best to get a solicitor. I've been told I have to get divorced and I have to have a five month cooling off period. I need this sorted sooner rather than later, I spoke to my solicitor yesterday who didn't tell me she was going on annual leave from today for a fortnight. I don't understand why I can't sort out the house sooner, if we weren't married how would they manage to do it? I'd be very grateful for some advice. Thanks in advance.

Hi @millymollymoomoo I don't mean to sound stupid but surely this can be done quicker. I'm worried that if it's going to take 5 months he will just say sod it and sell the house. Lots of people including yourself are saying I must get the full financial disclosure, can I get this sorted now or will I be waiting 5 months, thanks for your comment x

Since your solicitor has registered your rights, he cannot sell the house without your knowledge. If he tries to sell it, you will be able to stop it.

The financial disclosure on its own won't take 5 months, but the full process of getting a divorce and financial settlement can take that long. Please don't try to short circuit the process, and especially don't allow your parents to pay off a chunk of the mortgage. If they do, they will have increased the equity in the marital home, so more for him to claim.

It may be he's an idiot and doesn't know what he is doing, but I suspect he is trying to rush you into this so that he gets away with giving you substantially less than he would if this was sorted out properly.

Thanks for your help @prh47bridge when I mentioned to him during an argument that I could get spousal maintenance he flipped and said he would sell the house, he knows i'd be screwed as I couldn't afford somewhere different with half the money. He is willing to sign over the house to me, he just wants me and the house gone.

@Mollylegs You seem very poor at taking advice but very good at being intimidated. You do not need to listen to his threats.

Hi @TizerorFizz I am going to take my solicitors advice and get FFD, I am just terrified of losing my home. I can guarentee when he gets a letter asking for disclosure he will just flip. I feel like he holds all the power as he owns the house and I'm terrified of losing it.

Follow what advice your solicitor is giving, snd advice here, and you should be ok. Also, to be honest, in a divorce lots of people move and start again. Not easy but a fresh start is not a bad thing.

No he doesn't, you do. @prh47bridge has already explained he can't sell it without you knowing and you can stop the sale. You hold all the cards. He's stuck paying until everything is sorted out. Of course he's going to flip because he's going to realise he might have to pay you more than he thought. But you need to do this for yourself and child.

Hi @ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen I think it's difficult as he can be scary. I honestly don't want any of his money, I just want my home x

It's not his money. It's joint, that's what marriage means. That's the vows he took just like you did. You became a legal partnership.

I feel like he holds all the power as he owns the house and I'm terrified of losing it.

He's trying to scare you Op. He's flipping out and pressuring you because he wants you to feel pressured and frazzled and not to ask too many questions so you don't have an awareness of the full facts about what you're entitled to.

The house might feel like a big win now but you should listen to your solicitor and tell them everything so that the correct decisions can be made fairly and legally.

Don't let him end your marriage, bring your life crashing down around you, and then threaten, manipulate, and hurry you out of what you are entitled to. He doesn't have all the cards here, he just doesn't want you to realise it.

Hello @BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs The last 10 months have been a nightmare, we had been together for just over 21 years. He has really knocked the stuffing out of me, I know when he gets the letter it will be given to my father in law to read. This man thinks it's disgusting that i'm in his words 'taking his son to the cleaners'. He will be telling my husband that he should not tell me what money he has and he thinks I should not be getting the house. This whole thing is just a bloody nightmare x

OP you've been giving lots of excellent advice on here and there is ongoing support.

You need to cultivate your own strength. Your husband and dad can fume and flip but they are not above the law.

Start practising mindfulness (lots of tutorials on YouTube) to calm you and focus you. I think there is also a course called Freedom for women who have been subject to coercive control by men. You could ask about it on the Feminism board.

It would be good for your son to see that you are a strong independent woman who knows where to seek advice, stand your ground and won't be intimidated by men.

Luckily the solicitors will know what's what and your ex FIL can think what he likes. You are entitled to half the matrimonial assets and so don't panic !

OP. Your ex at £800 a week is bringing in £3500 a month.
Mortgage = £300
Bills = £750 ish
Food = £500

Theres 2K left over. No childcare costs. Where is it going? And you're claiming no other assets? No pension? Fancy cars? Savings? Another house? If he's been on this kind of wage an extended period of time - where has it always been going? Unless you've been living the high life of holidays and designer clothes theres a financial hole the size of Jupiter and he doesn't want you to know where that extra £24K a year has gone. He may not have been earning that the entire 16 years ... but there could still easily be a very sizable pension (worth more than the house) and over £100K in other assets stashed somewhere that you are entitled to a fair share of and he very much wants to keep hidden.

Hi @ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen Husband has a different bank account, he hasn;t been on that income for 16 years but he has for the last few years. We haven't had a holiday fot over 10 years. He likes cars and bikes. The thing that is winding me up regarding him still paying the mortgage is that yes your right as in its only £302 out of his wages. I took over all the other bills for this house. His bit on the side is a lovely lass who lives in her council house with her 4 kids(different dads)so I doubt he will have many bills to pay there. Not judging but she knew he was married and obviously has no morals. I can't see his outgoings being much but thats how he's managed a new car and 2 holidays alresdy this year when I'm struggling. I know he will kick off big style if he finds out the house can't be sorted for another 5 months. x